Alcohol = Large Balls

Blackfoot—“Siogo”

MoTW—“Land of the Dead”

To celebrate the 4th of July, I decided to go out to the streets and
find out what this holiday means to the people. I asked hundreds of
people and compiled the top 5 answers below and, as you shall see, I
found that the true meaning of Independence Day has obviously been
forgotten.

1) Fireworks and booze

2) It’s the time of the year when we have to take drunk Uncle (insert
name here) to the emergency room because he assured us that he could put
the boat in the water by himself.

3) Booze and fireworks

4) Food, fireworks and booze

5) It’s the time of the year when we have to take drunk Uncle (insert
name here) to the emergency room because he assured us that the fuse on
the M-80 was long enough and he didn’t need to run away just yet.

No, no, NO! That’s not it people! The reason we celebrate July 4th is
because it’s a celebration of our independence for which our forefathers
fought. It’s not about booze, food, fireworks or trips to the emergency
room. It’s about us becoming a nation and having such rights as freedom
of speech

THAT’S WHAT YOU THINK!

What are you still doing around? I thought you thought you made your
point last week and were going on some other crusade!

NO. YOU ARE MY CURRENT CRUSADE.

Well, I guess I’m flattered. Still…….

I WILL DO EVERYTHING IN MY ALMIGHTY POWER TO TAKE AWAY FREEDOM OF
SPEECH, ESPECIALLY TO PEOPLE LIKE YOU. I AM OPRAH, I MUST BE FEARED!

You know, at first I was a little frightened of your royal largeness,
but decided you’re just a tiny speck in the universe, just like me.

THAT’S THE ALCOHOL TALKING.

Well, it is the 4th of July and……….

WELL ISN’T THAT INTERESTING! AND YOU’RE COMPLAINING THAT PEOPLE DON’T
KNOW THE TRUE MEANING OF THE HOLIDAY YET YOU’RE SITTING THERE DRINKING
ALCOHOL? YOU’RE PATHETIC?

Hey! Just because I have a beer or two or more doesn’t mean that I don’t
know the true meaning of the holiday. At least I can tell time whether
I’ve been drinking or not.

I CAN AND WILL CRUSH YOU.

Ah, that one’s too easy. You can do better.

YOU THINK IT’S BAD ENOUGH THAT I BREAK INTO THIS COLUMN, BLOG OR
WHATEVER THIS CRAP IS? WAIT UNTIL I START BREAKING INTO YOU’RE EVERY DAY
LIFE!

Yeah, well go ahead and bring your posse and Phil if you have to. Unless
you want to buy my undying loyalty with something like, say, a new car?

HA! I KNEW YOU WERE WEAK LIKE THE OTHERS! I FIGURED YOU’D BE

Oops, look at the time! Oh, I’m sorry. Wrong person to say that to.

NOT FUNNY!

Gotta go!

COMING NEXT: Back to them there crates!

Stephen Johnson

The idea of building a website with Bob came from Stephen in the days of message boards and chat rooms. We settled on the name TheWeirdcrap.com and the rest is history. Retired since he hit the ripe age of 25, he spends most his time doing odd-jobs around the house and digging thru trash bins for "stuff that's still good." Stephen has contributed several short stories and hosted the "Lunatic Ravings" column since the beginning (1999). The idea of writing weekly columns came from Stephen before blogs or blog sites ever existed. So, I guess that makes him THE FIRST BLOGGER IN THE WORLD!!!

https://theweirdcrap.com

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