You probably don’t recall, so I’ll tell you, two years ago Fox New was prescribed by my doctor to fix my low blood pressure. But then I became irritable because of all the doomsday news and my wife banned me from watching Fox News. When it got to the point that I wanted to make Donald Trump my Lord and Saviour, she said no more, and took Fox off our satellite feed. So sad.
But I’ve been watching Fox News on the sly thru free internet feeds!
Now I know that rising food, gas prices, and an overall bad economy is all because of…Joe Biden!
Even bad weather is because of Biden.
Bright sunny beautiful days are because of Donald Trump! He just doesn’t get enough credit! It pains me to think that they still won’t put his actual photo on the cover of the Rolling Stone!
And of course, I can’t write about news without mentioning the exciting news events currently happening! If your reading this column in the future, then I have to bring your attention to the date. It’s Cinco De Mayo, 2023! This is a big deal to me, as I am a Hispanican-o, or Latino-ex, or whatever we’re calling ourselves these days.
This is the magical day where Hispanics everywhere put FIVE times as much mayo on your sandwiches and potato salads. My favorite day! MMMMmmmmmm-mayo…times five!
Then tomorrow…ANOTHER MAGICAL DAY! It’s the coronation of the new king. I’m not an expert, but I think it goes something like this: He rides a pope-mobile in a parade, then he goes to the palace, where the magic rock from Ireland is waiting. Then he sits on the blarney-stone, a high priest hits him on the head with a sword and now he’s king. Very exciting.
Something else is going on, but I can’t remember…
So, I switch to satellite TV and watch MSNBC. They say Trump is guilty of many horrible crimes and soon he’ll be in jail for all the antics we know and love, like lying, cheating, and stealing. Pretty much everything but murder, but that’s just because Quincy is no longer alive to investigate. But if he was…oh boy, he would get to the bottom of all these crimes, and you better believe…it was moooiy-da.
All these lawyers are going after Trump…but they’ve learned nothing from Quincy…NOTHING. Because when its all said and done, it’s moooiy-da I tell-ya. Moooiy-da! MSNBC has learned nothing from Quincy…NOTHING!!! How can I trust a news channel that has learned so little from Quincy.
I quit watching CNN because of all those shows, I just want the news. But every time I go there, there some special show or a 60 minutes re-run…and no news.
So what now? I found a new channel on cable called News Network and it’s not too hot, but not too cold. It’s juuuuuuust right. On News Nation, everything isn’t Biden’s fault, and Donald Trump isn’t the Saviour of mankind…just a poor broken man, whose luck has run out.
I have to admit, News Nation is a little boring. Those other news channels, keep you entertained…and I like that. But real news. Just news. Well, let’s face it, news is boring.
So If you monitor a news feed, and it’s also entertaining…it’s probably not really news. It’s entertainment. Why spend hours watching fake news stories made to entertain, when you could just watch plain news and have it over and done within minutes.
Then you can spend more time watching real entertainment. Like all those new cool Star Trek or Star Wars shows…now that’s entertainment!
AND NOW YOU KNOW!
Song in my head:
COMING NEXT: A strange and wonderous dream!
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