My girl problems always seem worse during my jail stays!!
The last time I was kidnapped and forced to escape and rob banks with my cellmate and her good for nothing friends, and this time I found myself with a nasty, itchy, burning sensation i my groin area which sent me directly to the infirmary.
But, thanks to you all, I’ve pulled through!! I swear I have more friends out in internet land than I do in the town where I live.
Last week I was going to write about proper douching technique. The warden allowed me to purchase many different types of douches so that I could test them all and give you my findings on which were the best and worst.
I guess this must have upset someone, because the third douche I tried wasn’t filled with a proper douche liquid, but with hot sauce!
I felt pretty good at first and was ready to sit down on my bunk and write about the wonderful, fresh feeling the douche gave me, but then the burning hit.
It was so bad that I was running around my cell with my hands digging furiously at my crotch trying to tear out the burning skin. My digging and scratching only caused me to bleed and, as all women know, this isn’t always a good thing.
The prisoners in the cells around me started screaming and laughing, and I could swear it sounded like a few of them were actually enjoying my pain. The noise must have been extremely loud because the guards came running into the cell block and when they saw me, the doctor was called.
Girl Problems – Doctors
I was rushed to the infirmary where I was probed and inspected by the doctor. I have had burning and painful swelling in my groin area many times in the past, but it wasn’t anything like this and I was sure I was going to be told by the doctor that I had one of those dreaded social diseases.
As luck would have it, the doctor had a great sense of smell because he told me that something didn’t smell quite right and he took some samples from my groin and sent them away to a lab. He advised me to wash the area with plenty of bleach and ammonia until he got the results back, because he wasn’t 100% sure that if I had something that was contagious.
I washed myself every hour while I waited for the results. Using bleach and ammonia made the burning much worse, but I figured that it was just my groin healing so I wasn’t too worried.
When the results came back and it was found that I had douched with hot sauce, the doctor and I were so relieved!! He released me and advised that I shouldn’t douche for a while since I might be a bit tender. I didn’t intend to douche until I found who sabotaged my experiment, so he doesn’t have anything to worry about.
I have noticed in the last few days that I am developing quite a few scabs in and around my groin, plus my pee is white. I think this is some more of the healing process, so don’t worry about me too much!!
See ya!!
NEXT WEEK: Do I find the culprit?
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