A Surprise in a Crate!

When I got home yesterday from job hunting, found a large crate on our front porch.

I was very happy because I thought it might be the donkey that Ralph has been promising to get so that I can perform shows for his friends. I told him that I wasn’t very good at magic tricks but he told me that there was no magic involved and that with my past history there would be no problem with me figuring out what to do with the donkey. As I’ve said before, I love this man!!

As I started to pull the boards of the crate, I noticed a very nasty smell that was unlike any donkey smell I had experienced before. This smell made me even more curious and I worked quicker until I could see what was in the crate.

It was Dana!!!

Dana wasn’t moving, which made me and my breasts quite happy. I pulled it out of the crate and noticed that there was a note attached to its chest with a thumbtack.

“To whom it may concern:

This is the most useless specimen every delivered to our lab. Even though we paid you top dollar in order to run experiments on this body, we found it dull and no fun and decided to return it to you.

Go ahead and keep the money. If this came out of your body, we pity you and any other being that this thing, and you, ever come in contact with.


Us at that lab”

Wow! I get to keep the money!!! See how things always have the tendency to turn around for the best?

But now it’s a day later and Dana is still passed out. It’s a good thing that we have an old doghouse behind the trailer because I don’t know what Ralph would do if he finds out that he has a son/daughter. Dana is currently chained to a spike and resting comfortably (I think) in the doghouse until I can figure out what to do!!

See ya!!!

NEXT WEEK: Does Ralph find out?

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Melissa Paternik

Melissa started writing columns back in 2000 when we first got going. She continued for several years and then retired her column. Other writers contributed to Chick Shit after she left. The archived columns are being added one by one and will appear from time to time.

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