The Aristocrats!!!

Tom Petty—“Highway Companion”

MoTW—“Final Destination 3”

It’s time to take a break from the garbage I’ve been spewing out the
last few months. What follows something that’s been brewing inside me
for about a year and I feel that it’s time to let it all out.

CAUTION: The following contains really, really bad language and
descriptions of acts that are really, really kind of sick so proceed at
your own risk.

A guys goes into a talent agent’s office and tells the agent about a new
act he has discovered.

“It’s a family of six consisting of a mother, father, son, daughter,
grandmother and grandfather. They all come out on stage dressed as
Disney characters with the mother as Cinderella, the father as Prince
Charming, the daughter as Ariel, the son as Aladdin, the grandmother as
Mary Poppins and the grandfather as Dopey.

“The music starts and Mary Poppins whips out her tits and starts
whacking Aladdin’s face with them while Ariel crawls under Mary’s skirt
and starts licking her pussy.

“Pretty soon Mary has an orgasm and starts shitting on Ariel’s face
since she can’t control herself and then Dopey comes up and starts
fucking Mary in the ass even though the shit is still oozing out.

“Prince Charming sticks both his arms up Cinderella’s pussy and he roots
around for awhile and then he withdraws his arms and his hands are
holding a tiny baby. Now, we’ll only be able to do this five times since
she’s pregnant with quintuplets, but that’s a matter we can discuss at a
later time.

“Then Prince Charming whips out his dick and starts smacking the tiny
baby’s ass with it until it starts crying. He then tosses it to the
floor and Aladdin walks over and pisses on it, while chewing on it’s
umbilical cord as if it were a piece of taffy.

“Cinderella then frees her tits and starts spraying milk into the air. A
couple of crackwhore children dressed as Minnie and Mickey and a retard
dressed as Dumbo prance unto the stage and try catching the milk on
their tongues as Dopey chases them around with a sharp stick shoving it
deep into their asses until they bleed.

“When there’s no more milk, the family take turns licking the pointy end
of the sharp stick and then start kicking Minnie, Mickey and Dumbo in
the stomach until they start to projectile vomit. Then they gather the
vomit together into one big pile and start to fuck each other in it,
with Dopey fucking Ariel, Aladdin fucking Cinderella and Prince Charming
fucking Mary.

“When they’re done fucking they all shit and then mix the shit in with
the vomit and sit around on the stage until it dries and then they take
out knives and forks and dine until they’re full while Minnie, Mickey
and Dumbo try to shove the baby into an empty 2 liter soda bottle.”

“Well,” said the agent, “that’s something new and different. What does
this act call themselves?”

“The Aristocrats!”

COMING NEXT: I might be barred

Stephen Johnson

The idea of building a website with Bob came from Stephen in the days of message boards and chat rooms. We settled on the name and the rest is history. Retired since he hit the ripe age of 25, he spends most his time doing odd-jobs around the house and digging thru trash bins for "stuff that's still good." Stephen has contributed several short stories and hosted the "Lunatic Ravings" column since the beginning (1999). The idea of writing weekly columns came from Stephen before blogs or blog sites ever existed. So, I guess that makes him THE FIRST BLOGGER IN THE WORLD!!!

4 thoughts on “The Aristocrats!!!

  1. Ha haha!! I laughed til my elbow hit the floor. and somehow was unecessarily aroused. hmm… minus the vomit-shit pancake.

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