Still in Jail!

I’m still in jail!!

I was only supposed to be in for a week, but my stay was extended because I was in a fight the first day I was incarcerated!!!

I was put in a cell with a rather large woman who told me that I going to be her bitch. This excited me because I figured that I had been put in a cell with someone who would protect me and teach me the prison way of doing things, kind of like what happened in prison movies.

Boy, was I wrong!!! She wanted me to do weird things to her which, even though I had done them many times before, I couldn’t do to her because I didn’t know her that well.

When I told her this I guess she got a bit angry because she started to slap me around. When Ralph does that to me, it’s for love, but I knew that my cellmate wasn’t slapping me for love, so I started to slap her back.

Pretty soon we were rolling on the floor slapping and biting each other. The guards must have heard the commotion because they came very quick and separated us. I tried to explain that it wasn’t my fault, but they must have not believed me because they suspended my tv and library privileges, extended my jail time to two weeks and put me in a cell with a bald woman who constantly drools. Yuck!!

Since my library privileges were revoked, I couldn’t use the internet to post my column!. I wrote this and mail it to Bob and he typed and posted it. I just had to write my column, I use the money I get from TheWeirdcrap to buy a pouch of roll-your-own cigarette tobacco once a week. Maybe if we hit the big-time, someday I can afford to buy already-rolled-cigarettes…just like a movie star!

Being in jail has given me some time to think and go over some new dance moves. Ralph has visited a few times and had me rub my naked breasts on the plexiglass that separated us because he said he saw it in a movie once and it turned him on.

I should be released this coming weekend. I’m sure Bob can’t wait.

Hugs and kisses!!!

NEXT WEEK: Freedom!!

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Melissa Paternik

Melissa started writing columns back in 2000 when we first got going. She continued for several years and then retired her column. Other writers contributed to Chick Shit after she left. The archived columns are being added one by one and will appear from time to time.

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