I’m Too Sexy To Be Cuttin’ The Grass

More Lunatic Ravings…

Tyketto—Dig In Deep

MoTW—21 Jump Street

Don’t know what it is, but I must look really sexy when I cut the grass.

Think I’ve mentioned this before and if I haven’t, then it’s something

new. If I have, it’s something old but you’ll just have to deal with it.

See, I wear the same thing everytime I cut the grass. The same blue

shirt with of the color on the back fading away due to the copious

amount of sweat I produce, plus the same ratty pair of jean shorts, or

“jorts” for those in the know.

This must be sexy!

Last week a woman was walking by with a baby carriage and she made a big

show of stopping front of the driveway in order to “tie her shoe”.

Knowing that she was really checking me out, I did some muscleman poses

just to give her something to dream about.

That’s it. Nothing to get THE woman all stressed out or anything. Just

some good, harmless fun.

Think I mentioned last week that the woman checking me out had a nice

ass, but that sounds sexist so we’ll just leave it at that.

I continued with my grass cutting and it must have been bonus time

because she came back around again. This time I decided to do the

neighbourly thing and talk to her, using the baby as an icebreaker.

Well, this didn’t go over too well when I found out that it wasn’t

actually a baby in the carriage, but a large rock with a rather crudely

drawn smiley face done by some idiot with too much time and a box of

crayons plus, to keep up appearances I guess, a rather ratty looking wig

adorning the misshapen rock.

This woman was clearly insane. But still, she had a nice butt. But the

insane thing kept popping into my head so I bade her a good day and

resumed mowing.

This week was a bit different in that rather than one insane chick (with

a nice butt) walking by and checking me out, this time there were TWO

that walked by. Sure they were talking with each other and it seemed

that they weren’t paying me any attention at all, but we all know the

real truth, don’t we?

So what makes me so sexy while cutting the grass? I don’t know. But if

my math is right, next week it’ll be four women. Pretty soon I’ll take

my rightful place as the neighborhood stud which is the way it should


It’s not that I’m full of myself, but I have checked myself in the

mirror while wearing my grass cutting duds and, I must say, I do get

fiercely turned on.

So now I guess I do understand.

COMING NEXT: Fishes, bacon and bones!

Stephen Johnson

The idea of building a website with Bob came from Stephen in the days of message boards and chat rooms. We settled on the name TheWeirdcrap.com and the rest is history. Retired since he hit the ripe age of 25, he spends most his time doing odd-jobs around the house and digging thru trash bins for "stuff that's still good." Stephen has contributed several short stories and hosted the "Lunatic Ravings" column since the beginning (1999). The idea of writing weekly columns came from Stephen before blogs or blog sites ever existed. So, I guess that makes him THE FIRST BLOGGER IN THE WORLD!!!


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