History of the Earth Part III

Last week, I got to witness the first slim, silver, almond eyed Earthlings as they exited the planet before it was consumed by meteors and reduced to a molten rock floating in space.

Now, in my timeless state I witness as our planet cools over a millenium. Continents, oceans and vegetation appear, but they don’t look familiar.

As time slows down, the dark side of the planet is lit up with tiny points of light. The familiar sight of technology.

“Ready for a Christmas miracle?” The entity (my guide) asks.

“What do you have planned?” I ask.

“A little fun.” he replies as everything turns black.

What seemed to be moments later, I awoke in a field of grass. I stood to see a camera crew, it appears I was the star of a hollywood movie. It seemed strange. Me, a long haired unknown, should be the star of a hollywood mooovie.

But there I was.

In front of…

Every kind of dog. There were tall ones, short ones, small ones, fat ones.

Standing, holding microphones on booms, running camera’s and doing all this busy movie stuff.

Upright dogs, with hands and feet and they talked. They sounded like a harsh barky german type of language and somehow I could understand them. Probably the work of the entity.

Well, looks like no big almond eyed Aliens this time, I think as one of the pups speak.

“Ok, we’re ready to shoot.” He looks in my direction. “Ok, this is it, we’re ready…GET IN PLACE YOU MORON!”

“I…I, forgot where we were at…” I reply.

“My God, you really are an idiot, at least you fit in the hairless ape costume. You run and the guards round you up with the normal apes in a net. Remember?”

“Ok, I just…”

“Run camera…and go…”

So I take off runnning with other dogs in ape costumes and the guard dogs on horses ride up on both sides and throw a net on us.

“Cut!” The director yells. “Now get the cameras closer so we can get a good shot of the guards pulling the apes out of the net and discover the mysterious hairless ape.”

Camera’s and sound men move in closer as the guard dogs surround us.

“Annnnnnnnd…roll film.” the director yells.

The guards open the net and starts pulling out the dogs in ape costumes, then they eye me…

“Commander, this one is different.” On guard yells over his shoulder.

“Bring him closer.” The top Commander guard dog barks.

They grab and tug at me, push me to my feet and start dragging me toward the Commander.

As I’m being roughly handled, I just bark out, “Get your paws off of me, you damn dirty dogs!”

“CUT! Perfect! Not in the script, but I like it!” The director yells. “Call it a day, back to wardrobe to take your costumes off…”

A pup bumps my shoulder, “Ass sniffer.” he mumbles under his breath.

Another bumps my shoulder as he walks by, “Be nice to get out of all this make-up, eh?”

Oh, boy…this will be interesting, I think to myself.

AND NOW YOU KNOW!

Song in my head:

COMING NEXT: The History of the World – Part IV

More Ask Bob...

Bob Senitram

Webmaster and editor of TheWeirdcrap.com. I obtained a bachelor's degree in micro-biology around the turn of the century but was quickly tracked down and forced to return it to its rightful owner and pay a $25 fine. *** A fan of science fiction, I started this website in 1999 as a portal for science fiction stories that have never been published. *** Completely devoid of talent, I decided to call on the public to supply content. Shortly afterwards Stephen and I started writing weekly columns and have continued to this day.

http://TheWeirdcrap.com

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