I decided to revitalize the Yearly Predictions, started decades ago.
So far, none of my predictions have come true. But I figure if I keep swinging, eventually I’ll hit a home run!
Entertainment:
Reality shows make a comeback! People will love them in 2023. And they won’t just be on the cheap cable channels. Every major network and streaming service will fill prime time with reality shows featuring your favorite Tik-Tok, Snapchat, and Instagram stars. We’ll follow them, vacuuming, doing laundry, brushing their teeth, buying groceries. The public won’t be able to get enough of famous people doing everyday things.
Then a Tic Tok star will be doing a Tic Tok challenge on live TV and accidentally chop off his own head. The ratings go off the charts and more networks will encourage social media stars to dangerous things. Since they’re not very smart, they agree, and stars drop off the face of the Earth like flies.
It will be a historic moment in Entertainment, as this has never happened before.
Sports:
A sports team will be sporting really hard all season. They get the ball, run far and hard and score! Over and over again. By the end of the season, they are in the final playoffs! Then, to everyone’s surprise the opposing team will sport even harder and end up scoring more points and win!
It will be a historic moment in sports, as this has never happened before.
Politics:
Trump is barred from ever holding a federal office because of January 6th. In retaliation, he decides to hold his own election. But not to be President of the US. Not to be President of Russia or any other shit-hole nation. Nope, he decides to run an election based on his favorite movie. Soon there are posters and billboards for his run to be “Master of The Universe.”
He wins with 735 votes generated by his Truth Social media app, since no one else ran against him. He tries to set up an office at the United Nations claiming he has total control over them. This is according to a charter he jotted down on the back of a napkin. After a witch hunt trial, the United Nations determines that he has no authority. He spends most of the year ranting and raving, but nobody really listens or cares.
It will be a historic moment in politics, as this has never happened before.
World News:
Depressed over losing his war against Iowa, Putin wishes he was never born. He is visited by an Angel who grants his wish and shows him what the world is like without him.
Russia drops communism in 2005 and rejects all the old ways of the USSR. Without the limits and corruption of Communism it turns into a financial superpower. By 2015, most of the Countries that were part of the USSR want a slice of that money pie and they beg Russia to take them back. By 2020, geographically, Russia is bigger than the former USSR. By using money instead of guns, Russia is by far the greatest financial superpower on the world stage.
After seeing all this Putin, decides on suicide.
Very alarmed by this, the Angel tells Putin that God has something special planned for him, so Putin doesn’t do it!
A few months later he is diagnosed with cancer in his bones and spine. Putin hangs onto life in agony before his dies 3 months later.
AND NOW YOU KNOW!
Song in my head:
COMING NEXT: That dog thing!
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