Chick Shit for Chic Chicks

Melissa Paternik

Melissa Paternick wrote columns for us 20 years ago, then she just dropped off the face of the Earth. In 2002 she had a baby, that baby is 19 years old now!

Question 27?

I was going to write something to do with hygiene tips, but I am having problems with my GED studies so I decided to discuss that instead.

I always thought that the GED test was the same for everyone, but I was wrong. I was taking a practice test and I was having a problem with one of the questions and I asked my husband Ralph to help me with it but he refused and told me that I had to figure it out myself because it would build character.

I called Angeliquisha, my friend from class, and asked her if she knew the answer to question number 27. She told me she would be right over and that we could work on it together.

When she came over we sat at the kitchen table and opened our books to question 27:

“If you had 200 cockroaches in your trailer home, and one of the four springs under the trailer home were to break and 75 cockroaches were living on the left side of the trailer home and 125 were living on the right side and the spring that was broken was the back left spring, how would you divide the cockroaches so that the trailer home would not rock?”

Angeliquisha was surprised because question number 27 in her book was totally different:

“If you were to leave home with have a tank of gas in your Cadillac with 10 full clips containing 12 bullets and 3 handguns and you were to drive 15 miles at 45 mph and shoot 2 clips out the back window while performing a drive by shooting and you lost one clip through the shattered back window during the police pursuit, how many miles could you go before you were pulled over and videotaped for an episode of “Cops”, if the Cadillac only got 7 mpg and the gas tank was punctured with a bullet from a .44?”

Very interesting, we thought. But maybe the educational people handed out different tests to everyone so that no one would be able to cheat while they took the test. I don’t really know, I am still having problems with my question and the test is next Wednesday.

If I pass the test, Ralph said he would take me to the local Chuck E Cheese for a celebration and then he would try to inject me with some of his baby making juice. I am keeping my fingers crossed.

I have to go and make Ralph dinner because it is bowling night.

NEXT WEEK: Do I pass?


Originally posted 12/06/2000

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