Onward Christian Soldiers

By Garion

In protest of the new regime of terror that began when the woman next door called animal control on the Lord, I and several dozen other dog owners set up camp just outside of her home. After realizing she had the wrong dog in the first place, she called in everyone else’s dog to Animal Control, hoping that one of us would be the owner of the animal that “terrorized” her angry rage fuck filled dog.

I say angry rage fuck filled dog because we can all hear the dog barking, snarling, and jumping at the door. It so desperately wanted to get out and do all of us great harm.

She knows she was wrong to send Animal Control after all of us, and because of this she will not speak with us. Apparently, only she is allowed to have a dog. Yesterday, quite suddenly, everyone’s relatives started getting sick, and their spouses started filing for divorce.

“It is quite obvious, this woman has made a deal with the adversary.” God said unto Garion.

“I agree,” sayeth the Lord. I smiled and patted the small brown dog on the head.

I stood and spoke to the people that had gathered there, “Go home, go and watch movies with Angelia Jolie in them, listen to Korn, buy some gas, and pay your taxes.”

“The time for camping is at an end,” I continued as the crowd became confused but dispersed nonetheless. “There is but one thing left to do… call Animal Control on her dog.”

Saint Garion

Bel Garion, who also goes by the name Saint Garion started writing columns in our early years and continued to 2006. He often refers to "The Lord" and "Buddah" which are the names of his dogs which speak to him on a regular basis.

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