The 2009 Roadtrip: The Unsatisfying Conclusion

Sonata Arctica—The Days Of Grays

MoTW—Feast III: The Happy Finish

7:00 am: Woke up and hopped into the shower. Dressed and then loaded up
the car.

9:30 am: Stopped at a bagel place to load up on, you guessed it, bagels.
Also got a couple pounds of real cream cheese not that smear shit
Einstein Bagels has. The woman discovers that she didn't have her
cellphone so she leaves me at the bagel store to fend for myself while
she goes back to the hotel.

10:00 am: The cellphone was on the floor of the room. I remembered
seeing it on the floor but thought she would see it as well. How wrong I
was. And she wasn't too happy that I didn't tell her it was on the
floor. I can't win.

11:30 am: Enter Pennsylvania. I want to get this trip over with so have
decided to limit stops at rest areas.

11:45 am: The woman starts talking about my parents and brother and how
nice they were. I told her that those people weren't really my parents
or brother. We just stopped in and visited people I had never seen
before in my life. She thought that was creepy.

12:30 pm: Couldn't hold it in any longer. 12th rest area. Peed and
smoked. Also looked at my phone and noticed it was off. Turned it on and
saw that I had about 30 messages. Figured it was step sister wanting to
have me for brunch.

1:36 pm: You stop once and the floodgates open. 13th rest area, had to
pee again. And smoke.

3:34 pm: 14th rest area. Peed, smoked.

5:01 pm: Entered Ohio.

5:02 pm: 17th rest area. Peed and smoked. Decided to check out who
called and noticed a strange number. Decided to call.

5:05 pm: Somebody doesn't know how to read their own notes.

6:10 pm: 18th rest area. Peed, smoked and pooped. Ok, didn't poop. Just
wanted to throw in something new.

7:21 pm: 19th and final rest area.

8:47 pm: Home. The roadtrip is thankfully over.

THE PRESENT: This Friday (Black Friday), I'm flying back to NJ. I found
out in Ohio that the blubbery mess that was hanging around us for those
couple of days was not my real step sister. There's a Sunny Lane and a
Sunny Drive in West Caldwell and we went to the wrong one.

So now I have to correct a mistake and miss out on my tradition of
standing outside Best Buy at 3 am on the bestest of shopping days just
so I can fly out at 9:30 am and meet up with the only family member that
hasn't mysteriously disappeared and who actually wants to talk to me.

What this means is I get to waste your time again in a couple weeks when
I regale you with the mishaps of my second trip of the year!

That or I can discuss how I don't really give a fuck that Oprah is
ending her daily chatfest.

Either way, exciting things are coming here soon!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING (for those that celebrate, of course.)!

And remember Tuesday the 24th. It's my birthday and you can send me

COMING NEXT: I really need to come up with something interesting or

Stephen Johnson

The idea of building a website with Bob came from Stephen in the days of message boards and chat rooms. We settled on the name and the rest is history. Retired since he hit the ripe age of 25, he spends most his time doing odd-jobs around the house and digging thru trash bins for "stuff that's still good." Stephen has contributed several short stories and hosted the "Lunatic Ravings" column since the beginning (1999). The idea of writing weekly columns came from Stephen before blogs or blog sites ever existed. So, I guess that makes him THE FIRST BLOGGER IN THE WORLD!!!

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