Twice Divorced…

Dear Bel:

I am a 35-year-old, twice-divorced male with four wonderful kids. My track record with marriage hasn’t been terrific, so now I am very careful about finding the right woman.

Last year, I became involved with “Lucy.” She has been supportive and wonderful to me. She stood by me through some difficult times, and I would not have made it without her. Last week, I asked her to marry me. She said yes, with a few conditions. She made it very clear that she would never marry me as long as I was involved in raising my children. She agrees that I could pay child support but says she doesn’t want my time spent on anyone except the two of us and her pet snake.

Lucy is beautiful and smart, and I love her, but I am torn. I don’t want to abandon my children, and the snake almost looks like it has a human head. In fact, I could have sworn I heard it whisper, “The god of the Hebrews is dead.”

I am really freaking out. But I don’t want to lose Lucy. She may be the best shot I have for a future with someone. Please give me some of your saintly advice.

— Jeff

Dear Jeff: If you think you are feeling “torn” now, just wait until you experience Hell. The woman is both a servant of the Dark One and a control freak. She is clearly evil to ask a father to abandon his children is selfish beyond belief. Here is my advice. Buy an ax and kill the snake, perhaps then “Lucy” will see the light. If not, I am sure other women will hear of your heroic deed and become infatuated with you.


COMING NEXT: You tell me.

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Saint Garion

Bel Garion, who also goes by the name Saint Garion started writing columns in our early years and continued to 2006. He often refers to "The Lord" and "Buddah" which are the names of his dogs which speak to him on a regular basis.

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