Dear Bel:
I am a 35-year-old, twice-divorced male with four wonderful kids. My track record with marriage hasn’t been terrific, so now I am very careful about finding the right woman.
Last year, I became involved with “Lucy.” She has been supportive and wonderful to me. She stood by me through some difficult times, and I would not have made it without her. Last week, I asked her to marry me. She said yes, with a few conditions. She made it very clear that she would never marry me as long as I was involved in raising my children. She agrees that I could pay child support but says she doesn’t want my time spent on anyone except the two of us and her pet snake.
Lucy is beautiful and smart, and I love her, but I am torn. I don’t want to abandon my children, and the snake almost looks like it has a human head. In fact, I could have sworn I heard it whisper, “The god of the Hebrews is dead.”
I am really freaking out. But I don’t want to lose Lucy. She may be the best shot I have for a future with someone. Please give me some of your saintly advice.
— Jeff
Dear Jeff: If you think you are feeling “torn” now, just wait until you experience Hell. The woman is both a servant of the Dark One and a control freak. She is clearly evil to ask a father to abandon his children is selfish beyond belief. Here is my advice. Buy an ax and kill the snake, perhaps then “Lucy” will see the light. If not, I am sure other women will hear of your heroic deed and become infatuated with you.
-Bel
COMING NEXT: You tell me.
