B Batteries are Badder

Here’s an interesting question from Wayne: “Why are there no B batteries?”

Remember you can still “Ask Bob” any question you want!
-He has a degree in SCIENCE! –

When I first read this, I thought it was some sort of joke. So, I went to the local store to check it out.
Yep, no B batteries to be found.

I thought I should consult an expert, an influencer, someone famous! So, I decided to send an email to Kim Kardashian. I figured no one would know more about this than someone who’s more than 90% implants and injections. With so many artificial parts she’s basically an android, and of course who would know more about batteries than an android!

Low and behold I went to her website, kkwbeauty.com but there was no contact or email link. Likewise, none of the social mediums provided a contact link…so I failed at getting her expert advice.

I went to her twitter and tweeted “Hey Kim, how come there’s no B batteries?” That was last week, and still no reply…I don’t get it, it’s not like anyone else is trying to contact her. This is why I didn’t have a column last week. I WAS STILL WAITING!!!

I decided to do some research myself…

I know it sounds improbable, but my research concluded it was all related to Nebraska, Hollywood, and the Government.

After reviewing decades of newspaper microfilms at the local library I found some interesting events that happened back in the 50s in an area of Omaha, called “Two Rivers.” It’s named that because there are two rivers there. It’s right next to “Big Lake,” which get its name because it is a big lake. You can get to it by taking “Rocky Road.” Which is a really bumpy road, but I didn’t really notice an unusual number of rocks.

Anyways, I interviewed several old timers from the area regarding the newspaper articles and the unusual appearance of Hollywood producers and FBI agents. All strange events for a vast cornfield in the middle of nowhere which is also in-between two rivers.

The first old timer looked a little like “Festus” from Gunsmoke. If your too young to remember who that is, he was an overweight, bald, guy who wore overalls and walked with a gimp. Each time I asked about a specific event from the newspaper, he would take his hat off, wipe his forehead with his forearm and screech, “AAAAAAAAAAAAAA-DO-WAAAAAAAAAAAA-DIDDY………I do remember that…”

The results of that and other interviews were fascinating!

I’d love to tell you all about it, but I just met my word quota for my column, so I’ll have to fill you in next week.


Coming Next: What does Joseph McCarthy have to do with B batteries?

Song in my head:

Bob Senitram

Webmaster and editor of TheWeirdcrap.com. I obtained a bachelor's degree in micro-biology around the turn of the century but was quickly tracked down and forced to return it to its rightful owner and pay a $25 fine. *** A fan of science fiction, I started this website in 1999 as a portal for science fiction stories that have never been published. *** Completely devoid of talent, I decided to call on the public to supply content. Shortly afterwards Stephen and I started writing weekly columns and have continued to this day.


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