My Phone Sex Business

I thought the phone sex business I started was going to make lots of money until my next door neighbor asked me how I would know if the credit card numbers were good.

Credit card numbers? Why would I need those?

My neighbor explained that the callers are supposed to use a credit card to get me to talk dirty to them. I just thought that when they dialed the number, I would automatically get paid.

I beg all of you that have called me to please send me what you think you owe me. Ralph is still in prison and he thinks I am making lots of money off this business. I shudder to think what he would do if he were to find out that I was making nothing at all.

If you are a good samaritan and would like to send me money, please contact the webmaster of this site. Make sure you tell him how long you talked to me and what we talked about. He will then tell you how much you owe and will also give you my address.

For some reason, I have a feeling that this might not work. I tried the *69 after my neighbor gave me the news and I was surprised when the person that answered the phone was the organist at the church down the street.

I asked her if she knew of anybody that would have called me for some “fun advice”, but she didn’t know of anyone offhand. She told me that she would let me talk to one of the priests, which I thought would be good because he would have God on his side and this would enable him to find the caller.

When the priest go on the line I told him what had happened. After I was done, he called me a “filthy sinful she-devil slut” and stated that I was going to burn in hell for all eternity. He invited me to come to the church so he could try to save myself this coming Sunday, but I told him that I had to work a double shift at the go-go bar.

This time he called me a “crab-ridden smelly monkey whore” and said that the Prince of Darkness was obviously my daddy and that it was impossible for me to be saved. Then he hung up the phone.

As you probably have figured, that conversation has caused me to feel very depressed. I just beg that those of you that used me, please send me the money that you owe.


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Melissa Paternik

Melissa started writing columns back in 2000 when we first got going. She continued for several years and then retired her column. Other writers contributed to Chick Shit after she left. The archived columns are being added one by one and will appear from time to time.

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