-Sci-Fi – 3 Pages – Package runner Alpha One-Six, nicknamed `Zeep’ to endear him to Joe Public and his slobbering troglodyte family, had only been distracted for four hundredths of a second. But in that time, he’d somehow managed to collide with a stationary object; unwittingly knocking out his GPS, comm-link, and access to the…
I awoke knowing the link had been severed. Tears stung my cheeks as I yanked the blankets off my body and stumbled out of bed, feeling sick and disoriented. By the time I made it to the bathroom sink in anticipation of throwing up my late night trip to Taco Bell, the feeling had thankfully…
By Mikel Davis
“You slimy sack of fish shit!” Deputy Ploggard slammed his hairy fist down onto the grey metal table which separated the two men. His hand landed with such force that it left a fist-shaped dent in the middle of the table. The noise which followed echoed off…
[A Halloween Special from the 2003 Archives] I thought the devil was red and had a tail. I had braced myself for His appearance, His style, even His odor if need be. So what happens when I call Him? He shows up at my door in a three-piece suit, looking like a successful businessman. OK,…
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Blogs? Columns? Fiction? Whatever, here’s some excerpts!
The bear swiped at Bob who was in mid-twirl and knocked him to the ground. The mauling began as Bob shrieked. “A bear?” he asked between his shrieks as the mauling continued. “Where in the blue fuck did you get a bear?” “LANGUAGE!” shouted the HR lady. “Sorry,” Bob said meekly. “It’s just….a bear?” The…
By Bob SenitramIf a trashy person talks nice, is it still trash talk? Like I mentioned last week, I like to keep my promises. But that don’t always go so good. This week, I’m seven years old and I’m spending he weekend at my grandma’s house. My grandma was kind of a mean person. But…
I know it’s been a few years now since I bitched about the time change but with all the recent rigamarole I figured it’s about time to start bitching again. I can only lament that I don’t have my dear friend Schmelnoz the Incomprehensible around this time to chime in on the matter, though I…
For a week he burned. We milled around the office, just watching him shriek and hop around as he burned and burned some more. Other than the burning, nothing else happened. After the week went by, we began spitting on him. Soon, the flames disappeared and Bob stopped his shrieking and hopping. Without a word,…
Wrestling with Mr. USA By Gary Kolb My match for the Saturday matinee at the Vineland Arena was with a newcomer from Brooklyn New York who performed under the name of Mister USA Paul Naples. We knew little about him. My promoter told me that the guy was a bodybuilder who only had a…
Underbelly Rich pressed his forehead to the rain-streaked glass. His grubby clothes scratched against his skin as the monorail bucked over a siding. The people around him jolted in unison, hanging heavily on plastic handles or bouncing on the cheap, hard seats. Rich hated to look inside on the monorail, to see face after face…
SONGS FROM THE WOOD Strange – 20 Pages – Despite years of studies, nobody had cracked the code. Many individuals and groups, looking at the puzzle from a multitude of different angles, had all failed to solve the riddle. Birdsong it seemed might never give up its secrets. Thomas Mills was one such researcher.…
-Strange Category – 5 Pages “Howdie.” Looking up from the gas pump nozzle, Vincent was greeted by a plummeting red boxing glove to the face. Whump! Vincent stumbled from the strike and fell against his ’87 yellow Trans-Am. “My nose!” The attacker danced back and forth, concealing his identity behind the big, red boxing gloves.…
Anthrax—Persistence Of Time MoTW—District 9 Well, we made it thru another year! And with the new year upon us. it'stime yet again for our list of the top 10 movies and albums of the year!It's what you've been waiting for! Actually it's more MY list than OUR list. I always send out a nice, easyto…
Ket Darby here,So I was hungry for some Mole sauce… it’s this really good chocolate hot sauce that they put on some Mexican Foods. There are only a couple of places in town that makes it, so I headed for the closet one. So I drove over to get some for lunch. I pulled onto…
The other day when my wife and I were walking at the park, when we noticed some children were playing in one of those sports utility vehicles. They were obviously unsupervised, because one was trying to push another through a half open window. Their mother was nowhere to be seen. We approached the vehicle and…
Dear Bel: My husband and I have been married for eight years. We both work night shifts and sleep during the day. This works great for our marriage, but it isn’t working when it comes to our parents. My folks and my in-laws like to stop by during the day. We have told them we…
So Bob has brought out the whip again and threatened to give me 39 lashes if I didn’t go through the dozen or so bags of fan mail that have been piling up and pick out some letters to write another Ask The Spamrider column. I asked him why he wouldn’t just give me 40…
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