The Weird Crap is a weekly publication featuring Alarmingly Strange Stories, Bizarre Columns, Memes and Comics!

Strange Stories

  • THE MICROWAVED CHICKEN HEART
    The Microwaved Chicken Heart bellowed in triumph as his hideous six-inch fangs tore through the President’s colon. The Chief Executive shrieked in agony; his hopes for a pleasant Wednesday shattered in a few bloody moments. “I don’t believe I’m going to be re-elected,” he whimpered brokenly. The day had dawned so calm and fresh, like…
  • AND THERE WAS LIGHT
    By Chris Harris We as a race, were the essence of eternity. But there was only ever one race, which like time itself was both infinite and finite. All creatures and all time were merely parts of their respective wholes. For as a second might regard a minute as impossible, so does the cell of…
  • Infinite Being — by Dovin Melhee
    Infinite Being By Dovin Melhee ————— There was an infinite being. Infinite in ability. Infinite in power. Infinite in knowledge. Infinite in intelligence. Infinite in possibility. Infinite and limitless in everything. The being considered itself and was satisfied that it was limitless, perfect and complete. But then the impossible happened. The being thought of something…
  • White Room
    -Strange – 2 Pages – The room was white. The walls, ceiling and floor were white. The man sitting at the white table was dressed in white. The door opened. A robot entered. “Your Highness, Emperor Napoleon.” The man looked up and nodded imperially at the mirrored-face. “Warden Friend,” he returned sternly. “I hope you…

Columns

  • Stephen Hawking is a Dick
    On June 28, 2009, Stephen Hawking famously threw a party for Time Travellers. The whole shtick was he didn’t put out the invitations until after the party had already ended. Get it? Supposedly, nobody showed up. At least that is the official version that he told everybody. But I am afraid I must beg to…
  • The Journey To HR, Part 114!
    After a few minutes of joyous silence…… “Where am I?” Bob asked, wakening up again. “A safe place,” said the HR lady, trying to hide her smile. “Have I been in a coma?” he asked. “Sure. Yes, yes you have,” she replied now not trying to hide her smile. He looked over at me. “Who…
  • The Squealing of the Pigs, Part 8
    By Bob SenitramI’m Bob Senitram and I like to tell stories… That night in the basement of Hopalong Hank… Hopalong is lowering a basket tied to a rope into a deep hole in his basement… “It takes the food out of the basket…” “I’m not hungry!” Jennifer pushes the basket awyay. “Look mister, if you…
  • Still More Future History
    Somewhere deep in the swamps of the malaria-infested jungles of a country whose name I shan’t divulge dwelled the man I had travelled across great distances in both time and space to find. It was Bob’s Grandpa, and I had come to kill him. But that’s another story so here is this week’s Weird Crap.…

Memes

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Comics

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Random Strange Stories

  • The Ringing of the Bells

    -Strange – 9 Pages – The Ringing of the Bells: Part I The city of Laketown was awakened abruptly by the ringing of the bells. A thunderous roar resounded across the entire city, from the West wall to the Lake Gate and Fish Port. Every citizen was alerted, as though with shouts from above. “TREA-SON!…

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  • Space and Stuff

    Sci-Fi – 12 Pages – Chapter 1 The Wall Copernicus is a colony on Mung. Mung is a shitty planet. That’s why they called it Mung. They were trying to think of something nice and Latin sounding like Mungolytude or something but they had named, like, forty planets that morning and couldn’t be bothered with…

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  • Queen of the Damned

    The old queen never knew what hit him when you flew from the shadows and latched onto his leathery neck.  You didn’t know it was a pint and half of blood was boy blood, until you tried to toss the corpse in a garbage bin.  Your fingers had wrapped around something that felt like a…

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  • A Tapping

    -Strange – 2 Pages – A tapping, delicately, on my back. I am sitting up on a table, feeling gentle taps on my back, watching a series of images; myriad tables receding into infinity, like two mirrors facing each other. Farmers milking cows; on each table, a person is sitting up and examined by a…

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Random Columns From Years Gone By

  • Strange Happenings at Crack Whore Village…

    Last week, I was telling Jerome the story about how his new apartment at crack whore village became vacant…. One morning, Jackie, who lived downstairs from me (Jerome’s new place), had come to my apartment and asked me to check in on Cindy, my other neighbor who lived across from me. This is two hours…

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  • The REAL Story of that Trip in One Part (So Far)

    (NOTE: Here it is, in all it's glory, the real story of that trip sofar. For those that haven't kept up, now's your chance. For thosecouple who have, I just wasted your fucking time.) So here it is, the REAL story of the vacation. None of that namby-pambybullshit you (might have) read before, but the…

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  • The Journey To HR, Part 106!

    I was in a restaurant. I was asked how many people were in my party. I thought about it for a moment, just knowing I would be the only one in my party but held up two fingers anyway. Henry Winkler walked by. Was it Henry Winkler? I was pretty sure it was. A waiter…

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  • PS Gifford’s website

    Paperback writer by PS Gifford The Great Shoe Caper This is an absolutely true account, none of the names or facts have been changed to protect the innocent, because there were no actual innocents involved. It was an incredible ten years ago it all happened, almost exactly to today’s date. It was my only day…

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  • A Little Future History

    A Little Future History: That was the year the fascists suddenly won elections all over the earth.  When the liberals and moderates complained that the whole thing looked pretty fishy and needed to be investigated the fascists simply brushed them aside, reminding them about how they themselves had reacted with scorn and derision to the…

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