The Weird Crap is a weekly publication featuring Alarmingly Strange Stories, Bizarre Columns, Memes and Comics!

Strange Stories

  • THE MICROWAVED CHICKEN HEART
    The Microwaved Chicken Heart bellowed in triumph as his hideous six-inch fangs tore through the President’s colon. The Chief Executive shrieked in agony; his hopes for a pleasant Wednesday shattered in a few bloody moments. “I don’t believe I’m going to be re-elected,” he whimpered brokenly. The day had dawned so calm and fresh, like…
  • AND THERE WAS LIGHT
    By Chris Harris We as a race, were the essence of eternity. But there was only ever one race, which like time itself was both infinite and finite. All creatures and all time were merely parts of their respective wholes. For as a second might regard a minute as impossible, so does the cell of…
  • Infinite Being — by Dovin Melhee
    Infinite Being By Dovin Melhee ————— There was an infinite being. Infinite in ability. Infinite in power. Infinite in knowledge. Infinite in intelligence. Infinite in possibility. Infinite and limitless in everything. The being considered itself and was satisfied that it was limitless, perfect and complete. But then the impossible happened. The being thought of something…
  • White Room
    -Strange – 2 Pages – The room was white. The walls, ceiling and floor were white. The man sitting at the white table was dressed in white. The door opened. A robot entered. “Your Highness, Emperor Napoleon.” The man looked up and nodded imperially at the mirrored-face. “Warden Friend,” he returned sternly. “I hope you…

Columns

  • Stephen Hawking is a Dick
    On June 28, 2009, Stephen Hawking famously threw a party for Time Travellers. The whole shtick was he didn’t put out the invitations until after the party had already ended. Get it? Supposedly, nobody showed up. At least that is the official version that he told everybody. But I am afraid I must beg to…
  • The Journey To HR, Part 114!
    After a few minutes of joyous silence…… “Where am I?” Bob asked, wakening up again. “A safe place,” said the HR lady, trying to hide her smile. “Have I been in a coma?” he asked. “Sure. Yes, yes you have,” she replied now not trying to hide her smile. He looked over at me. “Who…
  • The Squealing of the Pigs, Part 8
    By Bob SenitramI’m Bob Senitram and I like to tell stories… That night in the basement of Hopalong Hank… Hopalong is lowering a basket tied to a rope into a deep hole in his basement… “It takes the food out of the basket…” “I’m not hungry!” Jennifer pushes the basket awyay. “Look mister, if you…
  • Still More Future History
    Somewhere deep in the swamps of the malaria-infested jungles of a country whose name I shan’t divulge dwelled the man I had travelled across great distances in both time and space to find. It was Bob’s Grandpa, and I had come to kill him. But that’s another story so here is this week’s Weird Crap.…

Memes

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Comics

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Random Strange Stories

  • Barrage of the Dead

    Barrage of the Dead by Jason Earls Dan sat at his dining room table working on a new piece of origami when a mangled, bug-eyed, undead man, entered his house without knocking. Dan remained captivated by his origami and didn’t notice the zombie plodding toward him with outstretched arms. The zombie made faint gurgling sounds…

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  • DESTINY OF THE BONES

    by Bradley Mason Hamlin -Strange – 1 Page – Ace looked at the sun with his eyes semi-protected by black shades. For a moment he wondered if he could tell the time from the position the big ball held in the sky. He shrugged his shoulders. No one cares what time it is on the…

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  • Legends of the Blacksword

    For nearly three millennia the fae High Kings ruled from the Shadowless City of Atlan and during that time there were only three ever to wear the Crown—Telamures Ys, Raachu Horeb, and Ghendil Tiamat. The fall of the greatest in power and tyrannical infamy of these Mighty ones, Tiamat, is a legend told more often…

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  • The Curious Fate of Sebastian Street

    -Strange – 1 Page – As Sebastian Street laid there in his hospital bed, he realized his time was quickly fleeting. At only 50 years old he had managed beat many obstacles in this life…But there was no way could bribe or out maneuver the rampant prostate cancer that fate had callously dealt him. Yet,…

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Random Columns From Years Gone By

  • New Opus?

    “Seriously?” I asked. “Hollywood has nothing new to offer so they want to make a movie about a rogue pubic hair?” “Not only that, but you need to check this out!” Bob shrieked as he pulled something out of his pocket. And there it was in his hand. That pubic hair. Only now…… “Is it…

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  • The Forbidden Time Zone: The Beacon

    The entrance doors parted as they approached. The interior looked bigger on the inside, than it looked on the outside. Vast and hollow, lit part by sun, part by soft white panels. In the center, a single reception desk with built in panels of screens guarded only by the faint, transparent outline of a receptionist…

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  • I say

    By PS Gifford Robert opened the brightly painted red front door to his home with his dog panting contently at his feet. “That was good run wasn’t it Chester?” He cooed warmly to his four legged companion. Robert realized that he was completely drenched in sweat. He hummed to himself as he proceeded to his…

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  • Saint Patrick’s Day

    by Saint Garion For Saint Patrick’s Day we all went down to the local Irish pub, where the Lord and Buddha chased some kids around in a circle, playing their “who can heal the 6 year-old faster after she smashes her head into the ground” game. Terrifying to watch, but of course had they not…

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  • The Second Date!

    Last week I gave you some tips on first dates. I have found that some of you actually go out on a second date with the same person so I’m going to go ahead and give you some tips for the second date. Please don’t bother to thank me either. You should have slept with…

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