The Weird Crap is a weekly publication featuring Alarmingly Strange Stories, Bizarre Columns, Memes and Comics!

Strange Stories

  • “The New Job” by Rance Treakle
    [A Halloween Special from the 2003 Archives] I thought the devil was red and had a tail. I had braced myself for His appearance, His style, even His odor if need be. So what happens when I call Him? He shows up at my door in a three-piece suit, looking like a successful businessman. OK,…
  • THE MICROWAVED CHICKEN HEART
    The Microwaved Chicken Heart bellowed in triumph as his hideous six-inch fangs tore through the President’s colon. The Chief Executive shrieked in agony; his hopes for a pleasant Wednesday shattered in a few bloody moments. “I don’t believe I’m going to be re-elected,” he whimpered brokenly. The day had dawned so calm and fresh, like…
  • AND THERE WAS LIGHT
    By Chris Harris We as a race, were the essence of eternity. But there was only ever one race, which like time itself was both infinite and finite. All creatures and all time were merely parts of their respective wholes. For as a second might regard a minute as impossible, so does the cell of…
  • Infinite Being — by Dovin Melhee
    Infinite Being By Dovin Melhee ————— There was an infinite being. Infinite in ability. Infinite in power. Infinite in knowledge. Infinite in intelligence. Infinite in possibility. Infinite and limitless in everything. The being considered itself and was satisfied that it was limitless, perfect and complete. But then the impossible happened. The being thought of something…

Columns

  • Buried Memories
    I had planned something else this week but Bob and Stephen’s recent columns jarred loose an old memory buried in my noggin that I hadn’t thought about in years. It happened not long after I first became a Time Traveller.  I was still pretty green and I was still getting the precision down on my…
  • The Journey To HR, Part 115!
    Bob pointed at me. “You! You I remember,” he said, giving another evil laugh. “Gosh. Really?” I responded, getting a little bit bored with this whole thing. “When I was in kindergarten, I used to chase you home every day. You lived down the street from me. I have no idea how it all got…
  • The Squealing of the Pigs, Part 9
    By Bob SenitramNon-stop nonsense for your reading pleasure… Previously, Dr. Benson heard about the warden’s deal with the Senator and sent Bob to meet with Dr. Hector. Bob shows up at Hector’s prison, flashes his FBI badge and tells the guards he just spoke with the warden and was asked to follow up. He didn’t…
  • Stephen Hawking is a Dick
    On June 28, 2009, Stephen Hawking famously threw a party for Time Travellers. The whole shtick was he didn’t put out the invitations until after the party had already ended. Get it? Supposedly, nobody showed up. At least that is the official version that he told everybody. But I am afraid I must beg to…

Memes

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Comics

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Random Strange Stories

  • Morning Bells

    Some days, especially Sunday, no one comes in. If I didn’t work here, neither would I. I find Sundays especially gloomy – but I don’t know why. The sun could be shining, and the world would open wide with a smile, and I would say, “Dude, tomorrow’s Monday. Since I work Sundays, my week runs…

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  • Whatever Happened To Mr. Sockforahead?

    by Joshua Blanc -Strange – 6 Pages – Most kids, Billy’s Mum was apt to tell him, built sandcastles at the beach. Not Billy; he was much happier digging a hole. Sometimes, if he dug deep enough, he would reach the water level and all sorts of strange worms and insects would writhe out of…

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  • Level Nine

    -Strange – 1 page – Elizabeth all at once had opened her eyes and felt strangely rested. She allowed her retinas to adjust to the bright warm light and began to scrutinize her unexpected surroundings. She experienced a tinge of panic as she did not only did not know where she was but had absolutely…

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  • Sharkman’s Demise

    Sharkman’s Demise by Lucretia “lady” Randle Caroline was a sweet woman, always giving to others before herself. We all assumed that’s why her first 2 marriages failed, they had taken what they needed and moved on. She had 4 beautiful children, and when it was just her and them they were spoiled by her love.…

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Random Columns From Years Gone By

  • The 2011 Roadtrip: Part 4

    Dream Theater—A Dramatic Turn Of Events MoTW—Drones (Wow, this sucks In Bob’s latest column he MAKES FUN of Omaha and I’mdoing my thing here and can’t really do a retort. I guess it reallywouldn’t be a retort, not really. But is there really a good restaurantin Omaha? Don’t think so. I can tell you what…

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  • The Journey To HR, Part 86!

    “I don’t recall there being a Herbie PEZ dispenser,” I said. That whooshing sound. I found myself surrounded by cows, horses, chickens, sheep and lots of folks wearing denim. “Where am I now?” I asked nobody but myself. Then it hit me. Like a ton of bird droppings. “SHEEP!” I screamed as I pointed. A…

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  • The Forbidden Time Zone: The First Mistake

    The Other turned to the Creator. “What makes Earth so different from other civilizations?” The Creator answered calmly, “Humans. They’re a curiosity across the universe.” “A curiosity?” Cindy asked. “How so?” “Humans have killed each other over matters of enlightenment. This is extremely unusual.” “You mean holy wars?” Bob asked. “Yes.” Cindy frowned. “I’m sure…

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  • The Journey To HR, Part 23!

    ….I passed out. As I lay there (I think), breathing in that sweet, tangy Lysol scent, I was reminded of that time that…. No. I won’t go there. I removed my hands from DOWN THERE. Now was not the time. I thought about doing that HR lady trick and tried to rip myself from my…

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  • The Final Fantasy

    This weeks big dump is a collection of rare stories made by yours truly. I’m not exactly PS Gifford, so you won’t find any works of art here. What you will find are some stories so meaningless, so pointless, so short, I couldn’t get our editor to approve them for Alarmingly Strange Stories – so…

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