The Weird Crap is a weekly publication featuring Alarmingly Strange Stories, Bizarre Columns, Memes and Comics!

Strange Stories

  • Infinite Being — by Dovin Melhee
    Infinite Being By Dovin Melhee ————— There was an infinite being. Infinite in ability. Infinite in power. Infinite in knowledge. Infinite in intelligence. Infinite in possibility. Infinite and limitless in everything. The being considered itself and was satisfied that it was limitless, perfect and complete. But then the impossible happened. The being thought of something…
  • White Room
    -Strange – 2 Pages – The room was white. The walls, ceiling and floor were white. The man sitting at the white table was dressed in white. The door opened. A robot entered. “Your Highness, Emperor Napoleon.” The man looked up and nodded imperially at the mirrored-face. “Warden Friend,” he returned sternly. “I hope you…
  • History of a Hot Sauce: The mysterious Origins of Wassabassco
    by R. Andrew Heidel and William Morton Our recipe, and Kiki’s lineage, begins in Japan during the waning years of the Edo era when the Tokugawa Shogunate commissioned the Sushi Sensei to discover a wasabi hot enough for the emperor himself. After many years on his dangerous quest, the Sushi Sensei discovered a pure strain…
  • River People
    -Strange – 2 Pages – As far as I can tell there are two types of Tennessee river people and they travel in competing packs and consume washed up fish or this ubiquitous leafy vegetation that I with my northern bearings will only later come to know as kudzu. There are the stoop-shouldered people who…

Columns

  • DO NOT BE ALARMED
    DO NOT BE ALARMED There is a seven and 33/42nds dimension beyond that which is known to Science. It is a dimension as vast and timeless as infinity and twice as sexy. It is the middle ground between wakefulness and sleep, between classical and quantum physics, and it lies between the pit of man’s stomach…
  • The Journey To HR, Part 110!
    “Where am I?” Bob asked after he was done with the belching, groaning and flatulence. The HR lady walked over to him and looked down. “IN MY OFFICE!” she declared. Bob tried to get up but she pushed him back down with a foot. “Why?” he asked. It must have been the way he asked…
  • The Squealing of the Pigs, Part 4
    By Bob SenitramThinking up the nonsense, ’cause, that’s my job… Bob just made it to the exit gate when Hector calls out. “Agent Senitram! I can give you more than Hopalong Hank!” Bob stops. “I can provide what you desire the most!” Hector says slyly. Bob swiftly walks back to Hector’s cell. “And what’s that…Dr.…
  • So I Guess I Can Talk About This Now
    [Editor’s Note: I found this weeks Spamrider column in an unopened box of Count Chocula. What I mean is I opened the box and there it was. My wife had just brought it home for me from the grocery store and just in case you’re thinking there was some fishy business there were witnesses the…

Memes

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Comics

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Random Strange Stories

  • OF SQUIRRELS AND MEN

    by The Peppercorn Kid -Humor – 5 Pages – You know what they say about squirrels and politics. But as much as I try to avoid it, there are those unfortunate times when I find myself caught in a discussion about the furry little critters. And then what am I supposed to do, not mention…

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  • TOLD YOU SO

    I Told You So by Steve Wilkins -Strange – 3 Pages – Penfold Stekins (or Smiley as he was known, or rather had been known, to his close friends) had no idea whether it was night or day. No idea of the date. No idea of anything much really. He only knew one thing. Spiders.…

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  • Hostage Situation

    2 Pages The muffled whispers were drowned out by the megaphone. The spotlight from the police chopper was shining down on the house, and bits of the light were filtering through the windows. The family I was holding hostage was beginning to piss me off with their incessant noise. I turned toward them and told…

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  • White Room

    -Strange – 2 Pages – The room was white. The walls, ceiling and floor were white. The man sitting at the white table was dressed in white. The door opened. A robot entered. “Your Highness, Emperor Napoleon.” The man looked up and nodded imperially at the mirrored-face. “Warden Friend,” he returned sternly. “I hope you…

    Read More…

Random Columns From Years Gone By

  • Why Can’t I Leave This Alone?

    King’s X—“Ogre Tones” MoTW—“The Stepfather” So the government is recommending that we start conserving energy whichI think is a brilliant idea. However, just recommending it won’t beenough for some idiots out there so I think something drastic needs tobe done to drive home the point. How many times must I be terrorized by someone driving…

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  • The Yorkshire Honeymoon

    By P.S.Gifford On September 26th 1998 I got married. A date I shall never forget, in fact adate I am terrified to forget if truth be known. Not that I ever would, as itwas simply, unquestioningly the single best day of my life…As money was a concern we had decided to get married in Las…

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  • Maybe I’m Not A Bad Person?

    Iced Earth—Dystopia MoTW—From Paris, With Love Ah-ha! I knew it! I FUCKING KNEW IT! Scam column from Bob, just as I figured. It proves something, I’m justnot sure what. Maybe it just proves I was right which is good enough forme. And my breath smells like monkey penis? I think not! Goat penis, maybe.But monkey…

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  • Your Child Might Be an Idiot If He Golf’s With a Chainsaw

    By Garion Bel   Outside of Saint Garion’s house the wind blows softly, trees sway this way and that, and a neighbor’s child takes an electric chainsaw out to the golf course to practice his game.  Safe on the deck Saint Garion and Ket play Scrabble.   Saint Garion waiting for Ket to make his…

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  • The Journey To HR, Part 13!

    So I knocked and knocked on that little door, but no answer on the other side. With nothing better to do I decided to do some more business. Picked up the litter box, shook it around a bit so my previous leavings were safely positioned in one of the corners, squatted down and did some…

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