by Nils Erwin Length: About 6 pages I HAD MY FIRST BABY-SITTING JOB THE OTHER NIGHT. It was tough assignment, 3 kids – 24-hours. The parent was a family friend, Mandy, who seemed to have adopted the absurd notion that I was the man for the job, and moreover, that I should also be paid…
-Sci-Fi – 3 Pages – Package runner Alpha One-Six, nicknamed `Zeep’ to endear him to Joe Public and his slobbering troglodyte family, had only been distracted for four hundredths of a second. But in that time, he’d somehow managed to collide with a stationary object; unwittingly knocking out his GPS, comm-link, and access to the…
I awoke knowing the link had been severed. Tears stung my cheeks as I yanked the blankets off my body and stumbled out of bed, feeling sick and disoriented. By the time I made it to the bathroom sink in anticipation of throwing up my late night trip to Taco Bell, the feeling had thankfully…
By Mikel Davis
“You slimy sack of fish shit!” Deputy Ploggard slammed his hairy fist down onto the grey metal table which separated the two men. His hand landed with such force that it left a fist-shaped dent in the middle of the table. The noise which followed echoed off…
Columns
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Blogs? Columns? Fiction? Whatever, here’s some excerpts!
Before everything gets all crazy and nobody knows what’s real and what’s not anymore, this is the way I remember it all happening. George W. Bush was such a stinking rotten President* that America actually elected a Black guy rather than electing another Republican. This absolutely drove all the latent and blatant racists batshit crazy.…
Us, being the fine human beings we were, decided Bob could tag along. We wrestled him from the wolverine’s onslaught, tossed him into a pet carrier and went on our merry way. “ID?” asked the bouncer as we entered to strip club. After we showed him ours and he had commented me on how young…
By Bob SenitramJust some guy who has no idea what he’s doing…. Back when I was young, I lived by the motto that a man’s word is his bond. Unfortunately, I wasn’t real big on discretion. Turns out, there’s a difference between being a man of your word and being too damn stupid to know…
My old friend Schmelnoz the Incomprehensible, who is a space alien from the future of an alternate timeline, has never been married. In fact, he didn’t even know what marriage was until I explained it to him. And the reason I had to explain it to him was because he overheard someone using the expression,…
by Emily Keburis “Get rid of her Justin, it’s your only way out! Otherwise you might get caught, and we can’t let that happen, now can we?” said Daria. At that everybody started talking at once and I couldn’t hear what any one of them was saying. Then suddenly they were all gone. Sometimes, as…
Once upon a time, there lived a very unhappy boy named Joey.”I’m rather unhappy.” He noted one morning, so he decided to go out and buy himself some drugs. He went wandering down to the market and stumbled across an old man named Stumpy. He was named this because he had no arms and legs,…
Confessions of a Professional Defuser by Randy Bone Thought bombs are carefully designed psychological viruses routinely implanted into our heads from a very young age through the schools and later through the media. The powerful devious minds behind it all call it “inoculation”. Which is ironic you see because what they are inoculating against are…
by Colin Blalock If you died, and after you were already dead someone said, “excuse me sir/ma’am, you’re dead”, what would be the first thing that came to mind that you wish you had done before you died? Me, I wish I had sailed around the world. It sounds far fetched, but I wanted nothing…
Rush—Snakes & Arrows MoTW—The Protector Wow! How wrong I was! I expected the wedding and reception to be a particularly gruelingaffair, what with the no alcohol rule and my not giving a shit aboutgoing to a wedding in the first place, so imagine my surprise when Ifound myself totally drawn into the whole spectacle of…
There are some people who always automatically choose to see the glass as half full. And there are some people who always automatically choose to see the glass as half empty. Personally, I’ve always figured it depends on whether you’re busy filling it up or drinking out of it.
There are three things I can think of of which there are no degrees. 1.) Originality2.) Perfection3.) Infinity 1.) Originality I have a friend who says it makes him crazy when people refer to things as being “very original,” or “the most original”. And he’s right. He is crazy. 2.) Perfection Even though people might…
Blondie—Panic Of Girls MoTW—The Saint (Note 1: Yes, this keeps going. I really, really want this to end and Ihave every intention of ending it but then I get quite bored writingabout the trip and stop writing. Basically this could have been done infour part, yet it’s up to eight. I really ant to rite…
“Yep,” I said. “Have a seat and let me tell you about that day……” The HR lady sat down and Star Child Two just hung there. I told them about that day. When I was done they sat in silence. They were awed. So was I, just remembering that joke. See, it’s quite funny especially…
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