I Explain A Process

The Tea Party—The Edges Of Twilight

MoTW—The Lovely Bones

What's this? Two weeks in a row? Is Stephen getting back to his normal,
once a week postings?


But here's the thing….I got an email alert that someone had responded
to my last wonderful post so I visited my post to see the 1 next to the
"comments" thingy, but there was nothing there!

Good thing I read the email because it had the comment posted there or
else I would have no clue what my one fan had posted.

Weird thing is that that email is gone. Deleted. By me? I don't think
so, but do drink quite a bit so could have mistakenly deleted it during
one of my many drunken rages.

Good thing my mind isn't TOO cloudy because I do remember the gist of
the comment. It was something along the lines of "Great post. Where do
you get your wonderful ideas from?"

Since someone asked, I can now answer!

Everything I write about is the 100% truth. Everything you think was not
possible actually is.

Crackwhore Village? TRUTH!

Jerome and the experiments? TRUTH!

Beaten senselessly by cops, strangers, the woman? TRUTH

Running for President? TRUTH!

Finding the funny in someone's pain and/or loss of limb? TRUTH!

Heavy drinker? TRUTH!

Drunk now? TRUE!

Loves those drugs? TRUE!

And the list goes on and on with the same answer. No embellishments. No
bullshit. Just 100% truth. This is the ORIGINAL no-spin zone
(motherfuckers from some dog-like company stole that from me).

Another question would be, how do I come up with my stylized style of
writing? How do I get the words, that are mostly a jumble in my head,
into something faintly resembling coherence?

Well, lucky you, I'm going to let the world know my process for the
first time ever!

The thoughts ricocheting around my head come to a huge ball of sense
when I'm in one of two places: in my smoking room (aka the garage) or
the bathroom.

Now, you might think I get my ideas in order while pooping. That's not
true. When I poop, I read. Pooping was invented so people would read.
Don't believe me? Look it up.

No, I get my shit in order while in the shower. Go ahead, you can
imagine me naked in the shower, going into a daze as the hot water hits
my nubile, young body with it's flinty spray.

I go into that trance and BOOM! I've got the next column all organized
and ready to go. The one problem I sometimes have is forgetting what I
had planned so I have to take quite a few showers. But that's ok.
Remember, I'm naked.


COMING NEXT: More secrets?

Stephen Johnson

The idea of building a website with Bob came from Stephen in the days of message boards and chat rooms. We settled on the name TheWeirdcrap.com and the rest is history. Retired since he hit the ripe age of 25, he spends most his time doing odd-jobs around the house and digging thru trash bins for "stuff that's still good." Stephen has contributed several short stories and hosted the "Lunatic Ravings" column since the beginning (1999). The idea of writing weekly columns came from Stephen before blogs or blog sites ever existed. So, I guess that makes him THE FIRST BLOGGER IN THE WORLD!!!


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