Last week Stephen Johnson, decided to grace TheWeirdcrap.com headquarters with his presence…
WE INTERRUPT THE REGULAR PROGRAM TO BRING YOU THIS IMPORTANT MESSAGE:
20 years ago, Bryan Deno submitted one of my favorite stories, “The Not-So-Politically Correct Tale of Joe Poe“. If you haven’t read it…go read it now! 20 years later he finally submitted a second story called “The Black Noir”. It’s a bit longer than most, but your in for a treat. Put it on your calendar, it will be featured on Monday 03/27/2023.
Now back to our normal programming.
A couple of years ago, Stephen, sold TheWeirdcrap.com for a carton of Benson and Hedges and a new lighter to a rich investor. I thought we’d be set us up with a fancy office building space downtown with a big Weirdcrap.com sign, and we’d be all official and business like.
But nope, that isn’t the case. The site continues to be updated by me, in my basement.
That rich investor…ended up being a 19-year-old kid without a dime to his name who has dreams of being the next Elon Musk.
So here I sit, in a dingy dark basement that has a single lightbulb handing from a wire that extends to the roof. The shadows are constantly changing because for reasons unknown to me, that bulb is always quietly and slowly swaying from side to side. I constantly hear a drip-drip-drip in the background, despite the fact there’s no sinks or plumbing down here. I have no idea where that sound comes from, but it’s always there, drip-drip-drip.
It smells like urine too. That’s because when Steven Johnson lived in our basement years ago, it wasn’t finished yet and had a gravel-dirt floor and Stephen was too lazy to go upstairs to pee in the bathroom. So, he dug himself a pee hole in a corner and did his business.
Anyways, I’m down here updating the site when the doorbell rings.
Why, who is it?
Non other than the infamous Stephen Johnson! He said he was here to look over operations.
What operations? It’s just me in this in this shitty basement.
He looks over my shoulder while I update plugins, “Well, after the Taylor Swift concert in Las Vegas I figured I’d stop by. What a concert! Too bad you didn’t go. Hey, it smells down here! You should look into that. We don’t want that smell to broadcast over the internet.”
“Don’t tell me what to do, I’m not your Yoko Ono…” I reply..
“So, Yoko, you work your day job from here too?”
“What do you do?”
“Technical stuff.” I reply.
“So, you can’t go into work like a normal person? Instead, your down here in this smelly basement? That’s crazy.”
“You’re crazy.” I reply. “My employer is out of town, besides people make me sick.”
“Oh jeez! You don’t like people, because they may not think the same as you. They may disagree with you and that’s scarry. So you set yourself up in your own personal cacoon where your nice and safe from interaction with real people. Here you sit, spending all your time on social media fanning the flames of discontent with people you’ve never met…but it’s ok, because that’s safe. Just stay in the group that agrees with you and no one gets their precious feelings hurt. Why can’t people realize that not everyone is going to agree with you. Sometimes you just have to shake it off and see things from another point of view.
But nooooooo, not you. You stay here, in your safe pee-smelling basement! That’s you in a nutshell.”
“Whenever I go out in public, I catch a cold.” I reply. “People make me sick.”
AND NOW YOU KNOW!
Song in my head:
Coming next: Stephen says “Jumping Jack Flash” is the greatest film ever made. Is it really?
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