My New Bundle of Alien Joy!!!

There must be some sort of bug going around because I found out that I’m pregnant too!!!

When I went to a doctor last week, he ran a few tests and told me to come back the next day. When I did he told me had some good news and bad news for me.

I thought that I had herpes or crabs or something like that, but he told me that I was pregnant. Then he got really serious and told me that the bad news was that the baby was probably deformed.

Bad news??!! Who was he kidding!!! I told him about my alien abduction a couple of months ago, but he laughed at me and called me a stupid person. I know the truth though!!!

Now I’m carrying an alien baby in my belly and I couldn’t be happier!! I called Ralph and told him the news and he promised that he would get back to me when he makes a decision on whether I can move back in with him!!!

When I told my boss he told me that he would make my shift 1 hour shorter and that I could dance until my water broke. That’s a thoughtful man!!!

I am going to start smoking and drinking alcohol since I read somewhere that aliens like things like that. I am going to make my baby proud and bring it up right, whether I live in the woods or a trailer!!!

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!!!!

NEXT WEEK: Holiday shopping tips!!!

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Melissa Paternik

Melissa started writing columns back in 2000 when we first got going. She continued for several years and then retired her column. Other writers contributed to Chick Shit after she left. The archived columns are being added one by one and will appear from time to time.

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