Why Not? I Answer Email!

Lunatic Ravings!
by Stephen Johnson

Lacuna Coil—Dark Adrenaline

MoTW—Fright Night (2011)

It’s been awhile since I answered any email so I’ve figured now is as
good a time as any. I do read every email I get, even those about penis
extension drugs, so nobody should feel left out.

It’s just that I live an incredibly exciting life and I firmly believe
that folks would rather read about that then having me answer stupid
email.

Yeah, I know. That sounds pretty harsh but that’s just the way it is.
Besides, nothing really exciting has happened recently so…….

From Chet in MI:
Why do people bitch about the lack of snow? It takes me about an hour to
drive to and from work and driving in snow sucks yet I hear and read
about people complaining about the lack of snow where I live. What’s
their problem?

Well Chet, it seems that those people that complain about the lack of
snow don’t have a life or a job. They sit at home each and every day
playing online video games, drinking their soda and eating their
Dorito’s, not showering and getting really, really fat.

Now, you might say that I’m one of those people because I don’t work and
sit at home most days, looking for new porn on the internet, drinking
alcohol, doing assorted drugs and eating mostly burritos and
chimichangas. Therefore, I must be really fat and want that snow.

Alas, that’s not true. Even though I’m basically a shut-in, I do need to
get out occasionally since I do run out of alcohol, drugs, smokes,
burritos and chimichangas. Therefore, snow is not an option for me since
I hate driving in that shit.

I also know my limits. I know when too much porn is, well, too much.
When this happens, I pull myself away from the computer, pop in a
Richard Simmons videotape and go through a strenuous workout.

Because of this I’m not fat, and because of the limited snow we’ve been
having I haven’t yet run out of those staples listed above.

Basically what I’m saying is fuck those people that complain about the
lack of snow. It ain’t Xmas no more so snow isn’t needed. Next time
someone complains, just whack them upside the head. That’ll teach them
for sure.

From Cletus in NE:
Where’s Bob’s top 10 list of stuff from 2011?

Sadly Bob didn’t like ANYTHING in 2011. I asked him to submit a list
(like I always do) and his response was “There ain’t no shit that was
any good in 2011!”

According to Bob, 2011 was the worst year ever but that was to be
expected since the world is going to end this year, so what’s the point?

There’s more email I could answer, but that’s all I’m in the mood to
answer now. I’ll probably just delete the remaining ones, but rest
assured I will read your email before deleting it. I promise!

COMING NEXT: How to smelt!

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