By Garion

Weelll my fuck truck is on the fritz yet again. Maybe I should have changed the oil in the last year or so, but what the hell. I’ve pretty much resigned myself to the fact that it was going to die, and that I wasn’t going to do anything to stop it. I’ve had it for like 10 years now and I figure it’s just time to get something new. I just didn’t want to get something new right before leaving for vacation, hence the “FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!” at the top of the page. The lord tells me not to sweat it, and to take him out for a walk.

I am considering buying a bike since gas is too fucking expensive anyway. I only work like 8 miles from home and I just might loose some weight. I don’t really want to enter into indentured servitude for a new car, and I am quite ready to tell the car insurance, high gas prices, and local traffic to fuck off. In fact the more I consider riding a bike to work every day, the more attractive it sounds. God seems to like the idea. I’ll just have to man up and buy a helmet. Shit.

Why the fuck, aren’t hydrogen cars on the market yet? If fuck hydrogen was available I’d be at the dealership right fucking now, spending lots of money, and signing on that dotted line. I’ll tell you this much, the price of fuck gas would go down if hydrogen was an alternative, and people started riding their bikes to work.

You and I both know I am going to have to buy a new car; the economy and my lazy ass would collapse if I didn’t. A healthy fantasy life never hurt anybody. Right?

God made me go out and buy a new Xbox game, Destroy All Humans. Which kind of creeps me out, a lot; it’s not that he laughs at all the jokes in the game, but the ferocity with which he laughs. I’ve never heard God laugh like a mad man, or seen the Lord cower under our chair while we play. It’s kind of fucked up.

Anyway, enjoy your weekend, and the hurricane, I have to go kill some people on my new game.

Saint Garion

Bel Garion, who also goes by the name Saint Garion started writing columns in our early years and continued to 2006. He often refers to "The Lord" and "Buddah" which are the names of his dogs which speak to him on a regular basis.

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