Welcome Bel Garion!

Hello everyone, my name is Bel and I am a Saint.

Plugging one of my ears usually makes the extra voice go away but recently the voice has just been switching ears.

I think this is really just God being cranky, said to me the other day, “The sister includes Jerome.”

This voice usually says nothing but soothing messages like, “There are no other voices” and “Hey, It’s Friday”.

I realize that my newly found brothers were conducting a “scientific” experiment when they did what they did to poor Jerome. But since I did not experience any peace or joy when I heard the voice say, “The sister includes Jerome”, and instead was run off the highway by an insane proletariat trucker (who I can probably assume had a dildo up his ass) I can say that God is upset.

My brothers seem to be addicted to watching Jerome suffer (It is like a drug for them I swear). I had to heal him. So I called him up. He didn’t answer, so I went over to his place.

In truth, Jerome, Steven, and Bob have never seen me in person. So in retrospect, I am not too surprised at the statement of horror Jerome displayed when I casually walked in his front door. He fell out of his chair, and I heard a bone make this little snapping noise (later I discovered it was his solar plexus). He landed on a milk carton funny and he vomited. I stood over him, smiling I explained that God wasn’t very happy and drew my knife. This too I understand must have been very frightening, because he soiled his pants. But I was full of the righteous desire to perform God’s will and was not fully aware of myself at that moment.

I remember thinking, “Man, this is really screwed up.”

He was listening to the radio; I walked over and turned it off. He started dragging himself across the floor toward the telephone. Between the wheezing and gurgling, I couldn’t make out what he was saying. I told him not to worry and rolled him over with my foot. (He was kinda messy.) His eyes opened impossibly wide and I thought that his heart was going to jump right out of his nose, so I put my hand over his face. Eventually he stopped jerking around and passed out.

The good news is that I was successful. By following the careful instruction of the almighty, I was able to cut out all the bad parts, which were replaced with new ones almost instantly. What a Miracle! I left Jerome on his couch, snoring peacefully. I cleaned up all the blood, piss, shit, vomit, and bits of stray flesh. I hung a crucifix on his door and left a note for Bob and Steven saying that the sister includes Jerome and went home.

When I let all my resistance down and I accept that I am to do what the voice says, I usually am quite happy with the results. For now on, I will keep my fingers out of my ears and listen for my next assignment. When the voice is silent, I will not lose hope.

More Psycho Sermons

Saint Garion

Bel Garion, who also goes by the name Saint Garion started writing columns in our early years and continued to 2006. He often refers to "The Lord" and "Buddah" which are the names of his dogs which speak to him on a regular basis.

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