The 2010 Roadtrip: Part 1

Lillian Axe—Deep Red Shadows


Now, you can read SOMEONE ELSES post on THEIR vacation or you can read
the original, one-and-only vacation post that matters:


As luck would have it, here it is!


That's right. We made a joint decision to leave "sometime Saturday
morning" instead of our normal really early Sunday morning departure
time. Don't really know why, just seemed that we would get in Saturday
night and I would be able to drink alcohol. At least that was my

9:06 am: Yep, we left "sometime Saturday morning".

10:05 am: Entered Ohio. What's this? No rest stops? Am I not feeling
well? Do neither of us have to pee?

10:30 am: 1st rest area, I didn't pee. The woman does though. I smoke
and grab a cold Pepsi Max from the cooler.

11:25 am: 2nd rest area.Still don't have to pee. Reload on pepsi Max.
I'll have to pee eventually, right? Had a smoke though.

12:25 pm: 3rd rest area, Peed. Smoked. Pepsi Max'ed.

1:17 pm: Entered Pennsylvania.

1:20 pm: 4th rest area. This is the one with the stuffed bear that took
out a Porsche. Didn't pee, but smoked and the woman took a couple
pictures of the bear. How quaint. P M'd.

2:25 pm: 5th rest area. Believe I peed. Definitely smoked. Possibly had
yet another Pepsi Max.

Back on the road, got caught in a traffic jam. Thought it was maybe road
work, an hour later found out that it was an accident. Either an RV or
trailer was demolished on the side of the road. A tow truck was carrying
away a Ford F250 or something along those lines. What was interesting
was the reclined standing up in the wreckage, like it was inviting me to
take a rest.

3:55 pm: Stopped for gas at the same Shell station we've hit the last
three years. Didn't know it was the same one until we found ourself
going up a hill and there it was. Smoked, but away from the pumps since
that could turn out really bad.

4:35 pm: 6th rest area. Warning signs posted about rattlesnakes. So I
started screaming "RATTLER! RATTLER!" and the children ran crying, the
old folks also tried to run but did cry. And I laughed. And smoked. And
peed. And grabbed yet another Pepsi Max from the cooler.

5:46 pm: 7th rest area, Getting close to Jersey, have to grab one of
those hotel coupon books, but weren't close enough to Jersey. Will have
to pick one up when we're closer. Smoked. Peed? Maybe.
Pepsi Max is delicious!

6:17 pm: 8th rest area. Smoked.

And now it gets a bit murky…..around 7:30 we entered New Jersey and
stopped at the first rest area which was fucking closed. Did you hear
me? IT WAS CLOSED! So no hotel coupon book. Where would we stay? Phoned
sister and told her we were in the state and would be at her house in an
hour or so. She sounded happy, I guess.

Stopped at a grocery store we spotted from the road, no hotel coupon
book. Gas station, the same thing. Now I was annoyed because we were
going to be sleeping in the fucking car. Stay at sister's you ask? Not
an option since it would cause problems with mother. Long story, may
tell it at a later time.

Around 8:30 pm pulled up to sister's house. She was happy to see us I
think. Where in the hell were we going to sleep??????

COMING NEXT: Where do we go to get sleep? Where?

Stephen Johnson

The idea of building a website with Bob came from Stephen in the days of message boards and chat rooms. We settled on the name and the rest is history. Retired since he hit the ripe age of 25, he spends most his time doing odd-jobs around the house and digging thru trash bins for "stuff that's still good." Stephen has contributed several short stories and hosted the "Lunatic Ravings" column since the beginning (1999). The idea of writing weekly columns came from Stephen before blogs or blog sites ever existed. So, I guess that makes him THE FIRST BLOGGER IN THE WORLD!!!

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