Hey you crazy kids! First I would like to thank everyone who has sent in questions for this article we really appreciate your support! I gather Weirdcrap has become quite the rage in some colleges.
However, I won’t be answering any questions today because of a grave situation that has occurred which will effect each and every one of us. I am talking about the death of Steven Johnson our “Lunatic Ravings” commentator.
It seems like only yesterday the staff of Weirdcrap.go.cc were gathered at our office window watching the police pull Steven out of the garbage dumpster and haul him off to jail. We’d sit and laugh as he took weak aimless swings at the arresting officer, who would usually answer with a swift blow to his head with a billy-club.
Ahhhh, good times.
Now he is gone. I remember where I was when I heard the news. I was reviewing his commentary, when I had a question about what picture to use on the homepage. I called his house…and no one answered! I let it ring 10 times and still no answer! I called several times since then and STILL – NO ANSWER!!!
“He’s daid! He’s daid!” I shouted, as I ran down the hall, “Stevens stanky…he don’t move…he don’t answer da’ phone and he’s daid!”
The receptionist looked up from her crossword puzzle, “You mean Steven, he’s…dead?”
“He’s daid, he don’t answer the phone!”
“That’s too bad,” the receptionist replied. “We’ll all miss him a whole lot. He was real…swell.” She continued to work on her crossword puzzle. The phone rang, she picked it up and said “One moment please,” and then hung up.
I came to the immediate conclusion that he is dead and that it was suicide. Although I’m not positive yet, I am certain. I attempted to go to where he lives and find out for sure. I couldn’t find his place, I got drunk during lunch at work again and just couldn’t find it.
And thus began my search for clues…first, if you read his commentary for 08/14/00, he states, “Wait a minute here.” If you put the letters in that sentence backwards…”Ere h etun im at I aw,” and you say it real fast over and over and over, it starts to sound like, “He pulled my guts out!”
It could also be murder. Just last week I wished him dead for several reasons…one about nudity and the other about money he owes me and never paid back. I’m sure he has given many other people reasons to kill him as well; however, If I turn out to be the murderer, I swear right here and now that I will not rest until I capture myself and turn myself in.
Study his commentary and help me find more clues. Let me know what you come up with…Now to a different subject, I had received a few stories in the past, that just didn’t seem to have enough detail to be considered a short story. Before his death, Jon disagreed. Here are the stories, let me know if you think they should have a spot in the story section…
Story #1:
Hi my name is Melannie Carbelms. I have a story to tell. We are a cheer leader with two heads. one day during a difficult stunt i fell on my spotter and we connected instantly. we have been living like this for 3 years now, and we were fine with it. but then one of us made varsity and one stayed on the freshman team. it was a very hard and difficult to decide what to do.
But in time we thought the smart thing to do is to play football, Because we would make a terrific quarter-back. then our senior year we both got accepted to different colleges, OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY, and Michigan. Eventually we chose Ohio because everyone knows that Ohio is the greatest school in the world! GO BUCKEYES!WRITE US AT annakeiy@aol.com!
Thank you and go bucks!
Story #2: The thin reaper
One day the thin reaper, the grim reaper’s son, was walking and saw a stick. He decided to trip over it. So he did. He landed on a girl.
“AHHHHH!!” she yelled. She leaned over and kissed him. “Will you go out with me?” she asked.
“Well since im attracted to fat ugly women, sure!” he invited her to his dads house. “Dad this is….”
” HEY! GET THAT SHINDOU OUT OF MY HOUSE!”
“What’s a shindou?” she asked.
” I don’t know.” the thin reaper said.
” SHE IS NOT A GIRL!” the grim reaper yelled.
“Whatever he says is not true!” she yelled back.
“YOU ARE A GIRL!” the dad yelled.
“Your not?” said the thin reaper.
“AHD!!!!!” she screamed and threw their oven out the window.
“YOUR PAYING FOR THAT!” yelled the dad.
