Melissa’s Health…

Hi.

My name is Sid Althamar and I am a doctor at the prison where Melissa is currently incarcerated.

I did not want to write this, but I felt obliged to since the test drug I gave Melissa had severe side effects and she is close to death.

Because of this, I wanted to keep her millions of fans updated. Melissa is a very interesting person and I can understand why she has a following. But remember, I am a prison doctor so I’m not actually too smart.

I have had the chance to speak with Melissa many, many times and feel that she isn’t being given a fair shake. What struck me as the most odd is the fact that nobody believes that she gave birth to an alien baby. Looking at her uterus I can say in all honesty that it’s true!!!

Melissa was pretty down on herself last week so I had her try out a new experimental drug. I had no idea what the drug was to be used for or what the side effects were, but I am a prison doctor so I can basically get away with anything.

Twenty four hours after she took the drug, I noticed that her left breast had grown to a humongous size. Imagine one of Dolly’s breasts placed on top of the other one and you’ll get the picture.

I was quite pleased with this finding, but Melissa wasn’t. This became quite obvious when she started to walk lopsided due to the weight of the breast.

The breast kept growing and I was feeling tingly all over whenever I saw it and especially when I had to inspect it, which is part of my doctorly duties.

But my pleasure soon came to an end when she feel asleep on the huge breast and suffocated herself.

Now she is in a coma and the breast has stopped growing, much to my dismay. I don’t know if she’ll ever wake up, but I have definitely furthered my career, all thanks to Melissa.

NEXT WEEK: The end?

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Melissa Paternik

Melissa started writing columns back in 2000 when we first got going. She continued for several years and then retired her column. Other writers contributed to Chick Shit after she left. The archived columns are being added one by one and will appear from time to time.

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