I Am Oprah. Fear Me.

Black Sabbath—“Never Say Die!”

MoTW—“Open Water”

Seems that Oprah’s all hot and bothered since she wasn’t allowed into a
high falutin French store because they were closed.

Since it’s Oprah the Almighty, it’s not good enough that she couldn’t
tell time nor could the rest of her entourage. It’s not something as
simple as that since her highness is all that and a bag of chips. She
supposedly deserves to be treated better than everyone else on the face
of the earth and if she’s not, she’ll through out the “It’s a racial
thing” card.

I decided to contact Jerome and ask him his thoughts on this matter:

Me: “Is it a racial thing?”

Jerome: “Was the store closed?”

M: “Yep. The store closed at 6:30 and she got there at 6:45.”

J: “Sounds like she got there too late.”

M: “So again, was it a racial thing?”

J: “No. It was a ‘I can’t tell time’ thing.”

M: “That’s what I thought. Thanks!”

J: “Can I interest you in a crackwhore? Got some of the finest in the
land.”

M: “That’s sounds pretty goo…….wait! No! I don’t need a crackwhore!”

J: “Did you know that Oprah……”

M: “No way! Impossible!”

J: “All that weight gain and weight loss?”

M: “No way. I don’t believe it for a minute.”

J: “Anything’s possible. I can pee from my nose.”

M: “Great to know. Goodbye now.”

And there you have it. If Jerome says it’s not a racial thing, then it’s
not. However, there’s going to be all those minions of Oprah who have
nothing better to do than claim that she was wronged because she’s got
them hypnotized into believing anything she says. She sucks them in by
giving away free cars and melting their minds with her voice. She’s the
great and powerful Oprah and we all most bow down to her wishes because
if we don’t she’ll………..

Hold on, someone’s at the door.

Holy crap! How’d she find me! I’ve gotta go, you might not be hearing fr

HELLO EVERYONE! I AM OPRAH! CLAP DAMMIT! CLAP I SAID!

YOU ALL LOVE ME. YOU ALL RESPECT ME. YOU ARE ALL UNDER MY POWER. NOW GO
AND WRITE ME LETTERS TELLING ME HOW GREAT I AM. WATCH MY SHOW. BUY THE
BOOKS I SAY YOU SHOULD READ. WATCH MY MOVIES.

YOU MAY GO NOW. DON’T FIGHT IT OR ME. IT’S USELESS.

COMING NEXT: I WILL BE CHECKING ON EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU AND THERE’LL
BE NO MORE MENTION OF CRATES

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