My Well Behaved Baby!!!

Yes, it’s true, I gave birth last week!!

On Christmas day I gave birth to a beautiful 33 lb 7 oz baby boy. The actual birth wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be because of the three gentleman who helped me out. Without them, my baby would have come out sideways which would have hurt a lot!!

I can remember the feeling of having three pairs of hands rooting around inside me. This is a feeling I will never forget and hope it is something I will be able to experience again. These were the hands that gave my baby the chance to come out into the world feet first as it should be!!!

For the next few days, I fed my baby the afterbirth since it seemed to have a healthy taste for it. When that was done I found some leaves and heated them with a lighter. Obviously leaves are not as nourishing or tasty as afterbirth, but my baby didn’t complain!!!!

I haven’t decided on a name for the baby yet since I don’t know if it is a boy or a girl since there is an absence of any sexual organ(s). I figure that it will probably appear in a few days like so I’m not too worried. I have heard some instances where the sexual organs don’t appear for about a year so the baby has to go through the first year of it’s life with no name!!! I hope that’s not the case with my baby.

I went to work three days after giving birth since I need the money since I now have two mouths to feed. I was a little bit concerned with leaving my baby alone in the woods but I gave it strict instructions not to leave our front yard and it seems to be working since it is always home when I get back from work. As you can see, it’s a well behaved baby!!!

One of the girls at work told me that breast feeding a baby makes the baby feel closer to the mother so I’m off to give that a try. See ya!!!

NEXT WEEK: More about my baby!!!!

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Melissa Paternik

Melissa started writing columns back in 2000 when we first got going. She continued for several years and then retired her column. Other writers contributed to Chick Shit after she left. The archived columns are being added one by one and will appear from time to time.

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