Weekend With Schmelnoz

So now that it’s all over I can finally tell you now the real reason I was in Texas.

My best friend from The Future, Schmelnoz the Incomprehensible, arrived on earth approximately eighteen years ago, which was three weeks ago according to my own personal subjective experience of Time.

Actually it feels more like three months.

Anyway, we decided rural Texas in The Past would be the perfect place for him to fit in because nothing was happening there at the time and because it’s relatively easy to stuff a mass of alien head appendages beneath a ten-gallon cowboy hat.  It turned out Schmelnoz actually needed an eleven-gallon hat though because at one point one of his turkas slipped out and started squirming around causing quite the commotion in a local small-town bar.  Fortunately I was able to quickly diffuse the situation by immediately buying a round for the house, after which anything strange just got chalked up to all the tequila and Shiner Bock.

There are of course many more stories to tell, and I’m even hoping to get Schmelnoz to chime in with a guest entry or two here in the near future.  But right now I definitely need to get some rest.  Probably for about two weeks.  Maybe even a month.

Hanging out with Schmelnoz the Incomprehensible can really be hard on a guy.

More Spamrider Columns

A new Spamrider of the Apocalypse each Sunday, and beyond!


Spamrider of the Apocalypse is just some crazy dude who contacted us out of the blue one day claiming to be a time traveler who had discovered that he had already been publishing information on our website for years while he was visiting the future.  Neither me or Steve had ever heard of him before so we don’t know if he’s ACTUALLY crazy or what, but he’s definitely weird, and is probably full of crap, so we both just looked at each other, shrugged are shoulders, and pretty much just went with it.

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