We regret to inform those that read Melissa’s column, that she is currently deathly ill.
So deathly ill, as a matter of fact, she is almost dead.
We rejoice!
According to Jerome, Melissa was trying out various douches when she came across a douche that did something to her insides. After douching, she started screaming while running around her cell. All Jerome can remember her saying was something along the lines of, “It burns, oh my god it burns!”
Soon after this, Melissa passed out and was rushed to the prison infirmary, where she now resides. The doctors are quite confused on what her problem might be, but maybe we could have Jerome actually tell them what happened before she passed out. But, that would make things a little to easy and we could frankly care less if Melissa ever comes out of her “funk”.
So, now you have a couple of choices:
1) Read some old columns by Melissa
or
2) Don’t support her at all and go someplace else on this site or the internet so it doesn’t look like she has a fan base.
Just remember to pray for Melissa.
Or, better yet, don’t.
She doesn’t believe in God so your prayers will just float around unanswered in space until it finally disappears.
The good thing is that if she dies, she will have died feeling clean and refreshed.
See ya!
Here is a nice link to her first commentary from 2000.
NEXT WEEK: Til Death do we part?
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