I Review A Movie!!!!

Cheap Trick—The Latest

MoTW—Exit Speed

Someone told me that since I don't work and sit around all day long
watching movies, that maybe I should review the movies I pick as my MoTW
and maybe one day that will branch into something big and I'll get a
cult following especially if I review movies most people have never
heard of.

So I told them that that has already been done and it sounded like a
really stupid idea and maybe they needed to get a life or something and
then they left in a huff never to talk to me again.

That was years ago and I couldn't figure out anything to write about
today so I decided that I would go ahead and review my latest MoTW pick.

So here goes, in a thousand words or less…….

What we have is a bunch of people heading home for Christmas on a bus.
They're soon attacked by a biker gang and then the bus happens to hit a
couple bikers (can't remember if they hit a bike with two riders or two
bikes, but no matter) and then it just goes to shit.

You would think that the bus driver will be the hero of the story, but
no. Hell, they show him waking up in bed and getting ready for his job,
but no. He's shot in the head before 20 minutes are up. Then there's the
girl who gets dropped off at the bus station who you also think might be
important to the story, but she too gets wasted in the first 20 minutes
or so.

So now you have the military deserter, a guy going to visit his son for
the first time, a Mexican that speaks no English, a really tall black
woman and her boy toy, a disgraced coach, the chick from "Some Kind Of
Wonderful", a guy that sells perfume (I think), a chick that looks like
an elf (she's going to some role playing battle-type thingy so it's
perfect typecasting) and maybe a few others that have nothing to do with

The bikers ride around doing really "neat" tricks and I swear one of
them was Meat Loaf, but guess I was wrong.

Oh, and the deserter is being chased by Remo Williams.

The perfume salesman drives the bus into a junkyard and dies somehow
when the bus comes to a stop by smashing into a building. The survivors
scramble around a bit and build a kind of barricade thing and then the
bikers come.

People get shot and die, get arrowed and die, get knifed and die and die
other ways too. Then we get to see what I guess is the headquarters of
the bikers and one of them is doing this totally wicked fucking cool
stunt where he has one had on the handlebar (or whatever you call it)
and he's leading the bike around in circles and my jaw just hit the
fucking floor because he was doing this for hours and hours and it was
totally fucking amazing.

The rest of the gang go the junkyard to finish off our heroes, but Remo
has tracked them down and soon it's all out war and the "Caroline In The
CIty" chick goes running to find help and helps out Remo by killing one
of his attackers and then there's guns and more guns and more arrows and
all the bikers are dead and then they're in the hospital and Remo lets
the deserter go because she proved her mettle or something and that's
about it.

I'll give it ** since there's a good amount of blood and probably a
message that I missed. Check it out if you have 90 minutes to waste.

In other happenings, our neighbors across the way had a sign hanging
over their garage with a bunch of 6's on it. I thought this was a
satanic neighborhood party I wasn't invited to, so I donned some black
garb and grabbed my fake black goatee and pasted it on.

I jumped into my black car and drove across the street and went to the
door. When it was opened, I offered them some black licorice and Black
Sabbath CD's and showed them the three 9's tattooed on my skull.

Sadly this did not gain me admittance to their house since the sign was
for their son who had turned six years old. I laughed at this and then,
for shits and giggles, pointed at their little boy and in my deepest
voice possible warned him that hell was going to come to him during the
night and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it.

Typically, I was told to get off their property and to never come back

And that's why I watch lots of movies.

COMING NEXT: Maybe another movie review if things don't get interesting
around here

Stephen Johnson

The idea of building a website with Bob came from Stephen in the days of message boards and chat rooms. We settled on the name TheWeirdcrap.com and the rest is history. Retired since he hit the ripe age of 25, he spends most his time doing odd-jobs around the house and digging thru trash bins for "stuff that's still good." Stephen has contributed several short stories and hosted the "Lunatic Ravings" column since the beginning (1999). The idea of writing weekly columns came from Stephen before blogs or blog sites ever existed. So, I guess that makes him THE FIRST BLOGGER IN THE WORLD!!!


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