By Garion

While our government and our president was allowing people to suffer and die due to their incompetence, three of my lesbian apostles and I went to a kick ass party. We were going to give out liquor on the Gulf coast but then I sensed that my people were gathering in Atlanta. I didn’t know why but I had to go.

Lesbians drive angry. They run red lights, swerve in and out of lanes, which freaked God out a bit, so he intervened, “Do you know ho hard it is to find a saint like Garion that can drink as much as he does and still get up at a decent hour with no ill effects?” The voice had moved to the driving lesbian’s head, and when it spoke my apostle swerved into the car pool lane. We arrived safely but found it difficult to locate the motel because some asshole built a fucking highway toll both in front of the parking lot entrance.

Upon realizing this Garion spoke out, “Damn the bastard that put this fucking toll booth here, damn him to hell.”

God spoke “Already done.”

Then we all piled out of the car and started yelling at each other, I wasn’t angry at anyone but it looked like fun, so I joined in. It basically went, bla bla anger… bla bla tired… bla bla fucking toll booth.

We checked into the room, and started drinking. It is worth noting at this point that Dee, the lesbian apostle with the HUGE head went out for ice, without the ice bucket, and did not return, so I had to get my own ice.

We woke at a decent hour, showered and went to the gathering of my people. By my people I do not mean that they belong to me, only that I belong among them. Everyone is drinking by 9 am, everyone hears voices, and everyone dresses funny.

To gain admittance I had to obtain a ‘pass’ and all I can tell you about that process is that Hell will be full of people that spell my name wrong. FULL

One of my lesbian apostles, the one that still looks like a girl, got a lot of groupies to follow her around and play some stupid game. I think it was called ‘Look-At-My-Huge-Tits-And-Pretend-To-Play-With-Dice’.

I met with Saint Jon and we walked the earth and drank for three days. Many pictures were taken by Saint Jon of almost naked women. He enjoyed snapping pictures of women without asking, much to the delight of the rest of us. Saint Shawn was also present, kind of, Shawn is the disappearing Saint; he would be there with us one moment, and gone the next. Presumably chasing ass or exacting revenge on some minor demon. I can’t really blame him.

And Garion said unto God (‘cause we had to leave the Lord at home), “Bless Saint Shawn and Jon, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”

Coming Next: Strip Club Bliss

Saint Garion

Bel Garion, who also goes by the name Saint Garion started writing columns in our early years and continued to 2006. He often refers to "The Lord" and "Buddah" which are the names of his dogs which speak to him on a regular basis.


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