My Awesome Ability, Britney & Hair

Focus—Focus III

MoTW—Tenacious D in the Pick of Destiny

I bring you this piece taken from a column on this here site, dated
1/7/07: “A pseudo-starlet will be found dead in a hotel room.”

Now, who predicted something like this was going to happen?

Would that be…….me?

Why yes, I believe it was.

Sure it’s a sad thing, etc., etc., blah, blah, blah and even more blah.
But it came true proving that I have this awesome ability that I should
be offering through infomercials and a 900 #, yet I choose to continue
posting here so that the few tens of people who read the crap I write
have the satisfaction of knowing that they just might have some
information and foresight that millions upon millions of others
will not have.

Knowing this tidbit of info leaves me and a handful of others pondering
why Britney did not respond (again) to the last offer I support I gave
back on 12/3/06. If she did, she wouldn’t be bald, in rehab(?) and
attacking large objects with umbrellas and stuff.

It’s really sad, but not as sad as becoming so used to TiVO that I find
myself searching for the remote to rewind back to something I just saw
or to pause and then realizing that I can’t because the tv is hooked up
to TiVO so I just chuckle to myself, until I find myself doing the same
thing about an hour later and this time I’m no longer chuckling but
furiously mad at myself for being so stupid to fall into the same trap

The third time this happens I’m banging my head against the wall and the
fourth finds me ripping flesh from my face but there’s no fifth time
since I’m always lucky enough to realize at that point that there is no
TiVO and I have to watch tv the same way I had been for many previous
years before the advent of that infernal device.

But it’s okay to have those lapses in intelligence once in a while for I
have grown a beard. People say I look like Grizzly Adams which, to me,
is kind of cool even though I have never actually seen a picture of
Grizz but know he’s some sort of mountain man and we all know that
mountain men are wicked cool because they wrestle bears and chop wood
and other assorted outdoorsy stuff.

The hair on my face is probably longer than the hair on Britney’s head.
Hell, it’s probably longer than ANY hair on her whole body. This could
have all been avoided (mostly) if she had only taken me up on my offer
which, I’m proud to say, is still available though how much longer is
hard to say if she continues to spurn my assistance.

COMING NEXT: Something as stupid

Stephen Johnson

The idea of building a website with Bob came from Stephen in the days of message boards and chat rooms. We settled on the name and the rest is history. Retired since he hit the ripe age of 25, he spends most his time doing odd-jobs around the house and digging thru trash bins for "stuff that's still good." Stephen has contributed several short stories and hosted the "Lunatic Ravings" column since the beginning (1999). The idea of writing weekly columns came from Stephen before blogs or blog sites ever existed. So, I guess that makes him THE FIRST BLOGGER IN THE WORLD!!!

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