The Least Thought Out Bit Of Writing I Might Have Ever Done

Into Eternity—The Incurable Tragedy

MoTW—Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer

After wasting your time with two months of "writing" about this years
roadtrip, I now have to come up with something new, something
interesting, something interesting. Or just something.

I've almost given up my run for the presidency since my heart wasn't
really into it and MSNBC didn't give my name a mention, even though

I've enjoyed watching MSNBC over the years but I'm starting to get a bit
annoyed with them. Not that I'll change the channel to CNN or, god
forbid, FOX. I'll keep watching them 8 or so hors a day Mon-Fri, but it
doesn't mean I have to like 'em.

For one thing, they need to get rid of that stupid fucking blonde on
Morning Joe. This is one vapid piece of flesh. She makes these little
comments here and there that just come across as her needing to say
SOMETHING so that everyone knows she exists.

And then there's the time her father comes on for an interview and she
calls him "Daddy" and I feel the urge to swallow that morning Eggo but
can't so it flies from my mouth onto the carpet where the cats can enjoy
a warm, tasty treat.

What really made me ill though, was when they showed he getting
photographed at, what I assume, was an awards show. She stood there
preening and posing like some Hollywood starlet when she's nothing more
than another disposable talking newshead.

So, fuck her. She needs to get off my tv.

And then there's their infatuation with "Saturday Night Live" and how
funny it is. Hey, I understand they're part of the NBC family and doing
their promotional thing, but still. The (now) over-rated Tina Fey has
not been the funniest thing on the show this year, nor have the other
political skits. The funniest thing was the Lawrence Welk skit from a
few weeks ago. I should know, cause I cried because I was laughing so

And that's happened twice. First during the snowball fight in "Dumb and
Dumber" and then during the vomit scene in "Team America: World Police".
That there's comedy gold.folks!

What made me do a triple-take was a couple days ago when the newshead
was talking about the debate earlier in the week and how Thursday's SNL
special managed to write a skit that mentioned Joe the Plumber even
though the debate had taken place only 24 hours before.

Wow? Is that supposed to be amazing or something?

Let me do a small test here. I'm going to go and have a smoke and see if
I can come up with something funny. It's 6:07 pm est.

I'm back and it's 6:13 pm est.

It's Saturday evening and I'm writing a bunch of nonsense that you're
reading. It's funny because you're reading this and funny because it's
Saturday night and, instead of going out a drinking a carousing, I'm
sitting in front of a computer writing nonsense.


So does that mean I should write for SNL? Nope. I get paid a nickel a
letter here which does me good, thank you very much.

Another thing that bugs me is the "Breaking News" even though it's
something that "broke" five hours before. 'Breaking News" is a one time
thing. That's it and nothing more.

Finally, there's another female newshead that annoys me since she's such
a, well, bitch. It's the one that like karaoke, so that kind of sums it
up there.

There's more (some guy with the first name of Keith who used to be cool
but now comes across as a dick) and the fact that it looked like all the
newsheads were having orgasms during the DNC (I swear, watch a tape of
their broadcast and you can see wads of dick juice flying all over the
place) but
I'm just not interested in talking about them anymore. I'll still watch
MSNBC since I need my news fix, but it doesn't mean I have to like what
I'm watching.

COMING NEXT: I'll actually think about something to write instead of
just sitting down and typing shit (see above)

Stephen Johnson

The idea of building a website with Bob came from Stephen in the days of message boards and chat rooms. We settled on the name and the rest is history. Retired since he hit the ripe age of 25, he spends most his time doing odd-jobs around the house and digging thru trash bins for "stuff that's still good." Stephen has contributed several short stories and hosted the "Lunatic Ravings" column since the beginning (1999). The idea of writing weekly columns came from Stephen before blogs or blog sites ever existed. So, I guess that makes him THE FIRST BLOGGER IN THE WORLD!!!

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