An email from Tony: Ldkfjg\#%$9473&rmsrijgdkg525455f;fuslvpesa,cvoes,d*
Well Tony, if that is your real name, I take issue with “esa”. I just don’t think that kind of language is necessary…but, ok.
Nice to know that TheWeirdcrap.com has spanded the globe and now has expanded to the outer reaches of the galaxy. Obviously, this is an alien language and I’ll interpret it the best I can.
“Dear Bob, the galactic council has informed me that they are no longer interested in the shannanagins of your planet. Your people have caused so much damage to your world it is no longer cost efficient for the galactic council to harvest your world for resources. If harvest had come to pass, we would have destroyed all life and stripped your planet of all minerals and organic resources. Thanks to you morons, that is no longer an option.
Personally, I voted for the harvesting green light just so I could do away with that Bob Senitram. I’ve read his articles for decades and have concluded he’s a real ass hole. Not as much of an ass hole as Stephen Johnson, but almost. Anyway, it would have been worth it just to rid the universe of those two…dare I say it!
I dare, I dare…ASS-HOLE, ASS-HOLE, ASS-HOLIEO-OLIE-OOO!
Alas, it is a requirement of the galactic council to inform planets that are no longer on their harvesting list. I think that’s a stupid rule, and that’s why I’ve choosen to inform via the “Ask Bob” column.
Nobody reads it.
There, its done. I did my part by informing the 5 or 10 people that read this stupid column.
P.S. We are leaving your galaxy for the last time, don’t try to follow us.
P.P.S. It’s not you, it’s me. Really.
P.P.P.S. Go on now, GIT!
Dear Tony,
Thanks for letting us know!
MORE EMAIL!
Yoyo from Aust (Austin, Texas?), asks:
If I vomit a lot will I eventually vomit up my own poo? And if so, where will it end?
Dear Yoyo,
This will require some research, but I have an idea cookin’ in my head!
So, on a hunch, I looked under the sink to see what would induce vomiting. Now an idea was forming and I called Stephen to see what he thought.
He was drunk and he murmored something about dead squirles, so I took that as a yes.
We needed Jeromes assistance on this one, and he owes me one. Since I saved his life last year. I gave him a call and explained my idea to find the answer to this question.
“No! I’m not doing that…you’re an ass hole just for asking! Forget it.” he replied.
I sing-songed, “I have a extra large salted nut roll with your name on it…”
“One of those extra-large sizes?” he quirped.
“The biggest they make…”
“I’m in!” He agreed.
That’s all for today, I just met my 500 word quota…come back next week for the conclusion!
AND NOW YOU KNOW!
Song in my head:
COMING NEXT: Vomit, vomit, and more vomit!
More Ask Bob...
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