It’s Take Your Kid to Work Day!

Looks like I made a huge mistake bringing my baby to work. I think there also might be something seriously wrong with it since it’s now over 5 feet tall and it’s less than a month old.

Instead of calling it “it” all the time, I now call my baby “Dana” since I still don’t know what sex it is and Dana is one of those names that can be used for a girl or a boy.

I guess you might be able to tell that I’m a little upset at Dana because of what it did the other night at work. Bringing a possessed alien spawn of Satan to you job is the last thing you should ever do.

I guess it’s partly my fault since I decided to breast feed Dana. Now it wants my milk all the time!!! I was completely dry at work the day I brought Dana in so it decided to attack the other dancers because it was hungry for some milk!! Not good!!

I finally calmed Dana down and locked it in a back storage room with the other kids. Another bad decision since Dana decided that it was hungry and started to gnaw on the tongue of a kid who had passed out from drinking too much cough medicine. The other kids started screaming and I had to rush off the stage in the middle of my set and drag Dana to the janitor’s closet.

A dancer that was passing by as I was shoving Dana in the closet asked me if it was the baby from “It’s Alive” but since I didn’t know at the time what she was talking about, I couldn’t give her an answer.

I finished locking Dana in the closet and went back to stage to finish my set. As I danced and scooped up the loose change the customers threw at me, Dana found a way into the heating duct from the closet and the next thing I knew, it was on stage with me pawing at my breasts, looking for some nourishment.

My boss saw this and wasn’t too happy. He asked me to leave and take Dana with me and not to come back until Dana had run away or was dead.

What am I going to do now?

See ya!!!!

NEXT WEEK: How to show your infant you care!!!

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Melissa Paternik

Melissa started writing columns back in 2000 when we first got going. She continued for several years and then retired her column. Other writers contributed to Chick Shit after she left. The archived columns are being added one by one and will appear from time to time.

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