They Want Pictures of my Ass!

I received an email from “hoeve” which stated that they like bunnies. Not just bunnies as a whole, but specific parts of the bunny. I like bunnies too and think they are so soft and cuddly!!!

“Hoeve”, you are so sweet! What you wrote is the nicest thing anyone has ever written to me, except for the marriage vows that Ralph wrote on a pack of Pall Malls.

I also understand that you want to see my ass, but I can’t just give free showings!! Actually, I guess I can now since Ralph is finally out of prison. He got out Friday afternoon and I was so happy. It’s good to come home to a man after you have worked for 18 straight hours and you make him dinner and do a little bit of cleaning, because it makes you feel so comfortable and appreciated.

Take this past Saturday for example. I came home after working for 11 hours, and Ralph was waiting at the kitchen table for his dinner. He also told me that he had spilled some tobacco in the living room and that it needed to be cleaned up.

Since I am his wife, I know that it is my duty to cook and clean. I was a bit tired but I went ahead and swept the living room and started making Ralph his dinner.

When I looked over at him, I saw that he was reading the latest issue of Hustler and he was smiling! I knew that the smile was meant for me because I do my duty as his wife.

Later that night, he said that he wanted me to wear one of those skull caps that Hollywood stars wear to make them look bald. He also wanted me to take a Magic Marker and draw pictures all over my body.

I asked him why and he told me that, while he was in prison, he had been turned on by thinking about me being dressed up like that. Of course I obliged him and I must admit that the sex, even though a bit different, was wonderful that night!!!

Sorry, gotta go now. Ralph has something new he wants to try!!

NEXT WEEK: Coping with pimples!!

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Melissa Paternik

Melissa started writing columns back in 2000 when we first got going. She continued for several years and then retired her column. Other writers contributed to Chick Shit after she left. The archived columns are being added one by one and will appear from time to time.

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