The 2011 Roadtrip: Part 2

Lunatic Ravings!
by Stephen Johnson

Electric Boys—And Them Boys Done Swang

MoTW—Paul

So, after 1 pm on July 31st 2011, I didn’t write anything in my journal.

Why?

Well, I was under the assumption that we would hit another glorious
rest area, but we did not. That became perfectly clear when we found
ourselves on a normal road wit houses and gas stations and other
assorted shops and stores.

This was good though. This made it seem like we were almost to our
destination, maybe it was just a short hour away.

And, of course, I was wrong.

Now, since I had never been driving thru wherever the hell we were, I
didn’t know that there was a bridge ahead. I didn’t know that the bridge
ahead was called the Bay Bridge.

I didn’t know that the Bay Bridge would be packed with people heading
down to the shore on a Saturday afternoon in July. Why would I know
that?

Actually, it wasn’t the bridge that was packed. It was getting to the
fucking toll to get to the fucking bridge that was packed.

Here I was, in a great mood. Making great time. That’s always a good
thing. And then the “Making great time” think disappeared in a cloud of
smoke when we found ourselves in a shit long line of traffic.
Ever the optimist I figured it wouldn’t be too bad. Of course I was
wrong. What made matters worse was the woman trying her best to annoy
the living hell out of me by pointing out that the line the left was
moving quicker than ours.

Then the line to our right was moving quicker than ours and she was damn
sure on the ball enough to point this out to me as well.

This kept going on and on and I steadfastly refused to switch lanes. I
was in the lane I wanted to be in and that was that.

About 90 minutes later we reached the toll and I was pleasantly pissed
off at this point and needing a cigarette damn quickly.

We made it to the bridge and I was amazed and hot smoothly the traffic
flowed over the bridge, even though I was still pleasantly pissed off.
Oh, and the site of the bay? Fuck that! I needed a cigarette and didn’t
have time to look at any fucking sites.

Off the bridge finally and I pulled into a parking lot at a knick knack
store and told the woman I needed a smoke and a stretch and she decided
that she would leave me alone and visit the Lenox outlet store next to
the knick knack store.

Of course she had to shop and I sat there in the car for 45 minutes
while she looked around and found some stuff for a GREAT DEAL (or so she
says).

Finally we were back on track and about an hour later we reached our
destination: The Hampton Inn!

Ritzy!

Located near a Wal Mart!

Big time!

COMING NEXT: Who drank too much and puked?

Stephen Johnson

The idea of building a website with Bob came from Stephen in the days of message boards and chat rooms. We settled on the name TheWeirdcrap.com and the rest is history. Retired since he hit the ripe age of 25, he spends most his time doing odd-jobs around the house and digging thru trash bins for "stuff that's still good." Stephen has contributed several short stories and hosted the "Lunatic Ravings" column since the beggining. The idea of writing weekly columns (blogs didn't exist yet) also came from Stephen. So I guess that makes him the creator of the "blog" phenomena.

https://theweirdcrap.com

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