The Mad Dearth of Jerome

Demons & Wizards—“Touched By the Crimson King”

MoTW—“The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra”

You’ve just gotta get that movie listed above and check it out. It’s one
of those flicks where you don’t have to just watch it but can kinda
participate with a lovely little drinking game. Go get your favorite
alcoholic beverage (kids too!) and have a shot everytime someone in the
movie laughs, someone mentions the word “science” (or any variation of
the word) and when the someone says the phrase “horribly mutilated” (or
any variation of the phrase). By the 45th minute (kids by the 15th
minute) you should be totally crocked. It’s too bad that Bob disappeared
since he would appreciate and marvel at this movie, but you can’t have

Now, it seems quite a few people were interested in the crackwhore price
list posted last week and most wanted to know if there was a complete
price list. Always one to help, I contacted Jerome and asked him to send
me an updated list for those interested.

Regretfully, what I received is not what I was really looking for. It
looked kind of thrown together by someone who really didn’t want to put
any effort into it, or by someone who was getting high of his own
supply, if you know what I mean, and didn’t want to take the time to
come up with a proper price guide.

Rachel is “ummm….busy” according to Jerome which I hope means that
she’s on vacation. I can think of hundreds of things that Jerome had her
do or turned her on to, but I’m going to go the positive route and pray
that she’s on vacation. Bummer, since she could have given me a real
price list, but I’m more than happy to share a bit of what Jerome sent
me for those that don’t care since, to them, a whore is a whore.
Following is a sample I received, the spelling error are Jerome’s, so
don’t start faulting me on screwing up your or your kid’s education.


“A price list of crakhors in Crakhor Village. Prices shown are
refundable only if there’s a good reeson and I feel like it. Bartering
is welcome as long as you bring stuff I want.

Hard scabbed crakhors—.50 per hour

Scabby crakhors with scabs falling off—.75 hour

Open sored crakhors—1.25 an hour

Non scabby or open sored crakhors—.25 an hour

Management reserves the right to refuse crakhors to those out-of-town
business men who where those funny hats and drive those little cars in

Our crak is made from the finest stuff available and is put through lots
of testing by me, Jerome. If I find a batch of bad crak, I will hit the
bad crak maker really hard and then have him try to make a good batch. I
still give the bad crak to the hors because they like crak but I know it
is bad but do not want to tell them because they like their crak. That
is my solemn promise and guarantee to you.


If I can’t get ahold of Rachel for a proper list, I am going to take
some time off from my busy schedule and fly down to Vegas and see what’s
going on. I should have a proper list ready to be posted in a couple of
weeks with or without Rachel’s help, so those that are saving your
pennies just need to be patient a little longer.

Now I must go back to designing the new ad campaign for all those
different types of Humvees. It’s something I’m doing all by myself and
I just know that GM is going to be very, very happy with what I come up

COMING NEXT: Correct sizing of small crates.

Stephen Johnson

The idea of building a website with Bob came from Stephen in the days of message boards and chat rooms. We settled on the name and the rest is history. Retired since he hit the ripe age of 25, he spends most his time doing odd-jobs around the house and digging thru trash bins for "stuff that's still good." Stephen has contributed several short stories and hosted the "Lunatic Ravings" column since the beginning (1999). The idea of writing weekly columns came from Stephen before blogs or blog sites ever existed. So, I guess that makes him THE FIRST BLOGGER IN THE WORLD!!!

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