I Should be Free Soon!

I should be a free woman, but I’m still in jail!!!

I tried to keep a low profile and I was even allowed to get a prison job cleaning and disinfecting used sanitary napkins for $3.00 a week, but my prison enemy pushed me over the edge once again.

It wouldn’t have been so bad if it hadn’t been my time of the month, I guess. When I first noticed that I was having my monthly flow, I asked one of the guards if I could have a tampon or something, but they only laughed at me!!!

At dinner, I took a few slices of bread and some string beans and hid them in my prison uniform, When I got back to my cell I tied two of the bread slices together and had myself a dandy sanitary napkin!!!

The next day as I was working scrubbing a used sanitary napkin that used to belong to someone outside the prison walls, something wet hit me in the face. When I looked down to see what it was, I noticed that it was a blood soaked feminine napkin!!!

I was shocked and upset and looked around to see who did it. I saw my ex-cellmate laughing on the other side of the room so I and ran over to her and started to kick her ass!!

Soon enough we were separated and I was thrown back in solitary with another week tacked onto my sentence. I think that sucks, especially since the bread I have been using is deteriorating at a rapid pace.

You might ask yourself why I didn’t take one of the napkins that I cleaned. One woman tried and she hasn’t been heard from since, so I guess taking one is bad. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine!!! Just keep sending your email showing your support and we’ll get through this together!!!

See ya!!!

NEXT WEEK: Freedom?

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Melissa Paternik

Melissa started writing columns back in 2000 when we first got going. She continued for several years and then retired her column. Other writers contributed to Chick Shit after she left. The archived columns are being added one by one and will appear from time to time.

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