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Mastodon—Crack The Skye


I was going to continue my rant about the goateed wonderboy but guess I
won't since he's too gutless to tell us why I can't read.

I was thinking about this while waiting for my semi-annual haircut today
so I picked up an issue of "Car & Driver" and sat down to, yes, read it.

But then something amazing happened. I noticed I wasn't reading the
articles but checking out the pictures which made me believe that I
actually COULDN'T read and that dickhead was right, but then I read a
sentence and knew he was wrong.

Happy I proved Bob wrong, I put the magazine away and went through the
purse of the old lady sitting next to me, hoping she might have some
weed or wicked cool old person drugs.

Alas, this was not to be and I was soon kicked out of the salon and
forbidden to ever come back again.
No big deal since I don't actually have to wash my hair ever again. The
natural oils will hold the hair down so it doesn't get poofy, and I can
live with that.

I then went to fill up the car with gas and, as the parked next to me
went inside to pay, I went through their car hoping to find some weed or
a map so could find some place to go.

This also was not to be since they came running out of the store yelling
shit at me and I was forbidden to ever come back there again.

Feeling unloved (but literate) I went home and went through the woman's
office looking for some weed and jellybeans but she doesn't smoke or eat
that stuff so I was out of luck again.

Now, I want to make something perfectly clear: I do not make it a habit
of going through stuff that doesn't belong to me looking for weed or
other stuff.
No, this is all because of you-know-who. His comments have emotionally
scarred me, causing me to do things I wouldn't normally do (or get
caught at so easily).

I guess this means that this is coming to a head. One of two things are
going to happen:

A) I sue his ass, like Jerome did to me
2) We gather pikes, chains and lentils and have a throwdown in a leafy
d) I just ignore his insidious lying liar remarks

And because I'm such a man, I will take the manly high road and choose
2. That's just the way it gotta be.

Sooooooo……….the ball is in his court. Will he stroke his goatee
while he thinks about what will befall him in the forest as he lights up
one of those godawful clove cigarettes?

Will he be a man (a tiny one at that) and accept the challenge?

Does anyone but me really care?

COMING NEXT: I need to get off this thing

Stephen Johnson

The idea of building a website with Bob came from Stephen in the days of message boards and chat rooms. We settled on the name and the rest is history. Retired since he hit the ripe age of 25, he spends most his time doing odd-jobs around the house and digging thru trash bins for "stuff that's still good." Stephen has contributed several short stories and hosted the "Lunatic Ravings" column since the beginning (1999). The idea of writing weekly columns came from Stephen before blogs or blog sites ever existed. So, I guess that makes him THE FIRST BLOGGER IN THE WORLD!!!

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