Last week I was running errands for my wife. I didn’t want to, but again the sugar cubes worked their magic and next thing I knew I was at the dry cleaners. Out of sheer absentmindedness, I forgot to put on my mask.
This was before the mask mandate was lifted, so you can imagine the horror on the look of the face of the person behind the desk. Surprised by her reaction to my presence, I immediately checked my fly…all good there. I looked up after fumbling with my zipper check only to find an expression of additional disgust. Before I even realized what was going on she started to lecture me…
The problem is all inside your head, she said to me.
The answer is easy if you take it logically.
I’d like to help you in your struggle to be free.
There must be fifty ways to catch Corona.
She said, it’s really not my habit to intrude.
Furthermore, I hope my meaning won’t be lost or misconstrued.
But I’ll repeat myself at the risk of being crude.
There must be fifty ways to catch Corona.
Fifty ways to catch Corona.
You just slip off the mask, Mack.
Forget the plan, Stan.
No need to conceal, Bill.
Just get yourself free.
Get it on the bus, Gus.
You don’t need to discuss much.
Just forget to wash, Josh.
And get yourself free.
She said it grieves me so, to see you here again.
I wish there was something I could do, to more clearly explain.
I said “I appreciate that, and would you please explain.
About the fifty waaaaays.”
She said, “Why don’t you just sleep on it tonight?
And I believe in the morning you’ll begin to see the light.
And then she dismissed me…and I realized she probably was right.
There must be fifty ways to catch Corona.
Fifty ways to catch Corona.
After I got home her words seemed oddly familiar, and I found this video on YouTube…
I promise this is the last Coronavirus column!
Coming Next: Stop the stolen steal…for real, part II
