This is from a couple of years ago… I liked the idea but decided to change a few things. I think I still had the Covid brain fog when originally written, so a re-write was in order.
Currently, we get between 5 and 10 thousand page views a week, but back then we only had about 50 page views a week so there’s a 99.99% chance you never read this.
So here it is:
It was the summer of 1960-something when 8 year old me and my older brother by two years decided to collect coke bottles to get some cash.
Back then you could get 5 cents for each empty coke/soda bottle you took back to the store. My older brother, suggested we take our little red wagon door to door and ask people if we could have thier stash. Our delivery was simple, “Hi, we’re collecting coke bottles to make money. Have any?” Usuallly folks were happy to get rid of the empty bottles piled in the garage or under the kitchen sink.
Then we come to this one house with a grumpy man, “Why the hell should I give you my coke bottles? I paid good money for those!” he half yelled at us. “Now get out of here!” he said as he slammed the door in our face.
I was little shook up. Some folks would say no, but this was a bit much. I wanted to stop, but my brother insisted we continue on…so we did. We ended up with a pretty good run and made a whopping $2.50, which is like $25 in today’s economy.
That’s when my brother had an idea. “We should go to the store and buy a big bag of chips for a dollar and a 50 cent bottle of soda and sell it to them hippies at the park. If we charge 20 cents for a handful of chips, and we get 10 handfuls per bag, we’d make $2 for a $1 bag of chips. We’d more than double our money. Then we could sell small cups of soda and charge 10 cents. With about 10 small cups, we’d make a dollar for a soda that cost 50 cents. We’d spend $1.50 and make about $3.00.”
“What do we put the chips and soda in?” I asked.
“That’s the perfect part!” he replied. “We’ll get ’em from ‘Chicken Delight’. After they closed, they put a bunch of boxes outside that say cups and bowls. Free for the taking!”
“Isn’t that stealing?”
“Not really, they’re out of business. Who ever buys that store is just gonna throw all that stuff out because they have the chicken delight name on ’em.”
The cunning logic of a future lawyer had me convinced.
The next day, we got the “Chicken Delight” cups and bowls, bought 1 bag of potato chips, one quart of soda, set up a cardboard box as our stand and went in business.
Our older brothers used to play football at Mira Vista Park. Now that we’re old enough to play football, we can’t, on account of all the hippies at the park smoking weed. They took our field, it seemed only fair we take their money.
Now all this takes place in the California Bay Area in 1968. Mira Vista park, is about 5 miles from Height-Ashbury, the hippie capitol of the world. For some reason, Mira Vista park became a smaller, but popular hangout.
I remember one hippie, buying a soda saying, “Chicken Delight! I remember that place, where’d you get these?”
“They just had them stored out…” I started.
“We bought ’em at a discount since they went out of business.” my brother interrupted.
At the end of the day, my brother had another idea…
“We should sell sandwiches too.”
“But bread and baloney would cost more.”
“Not if we steal it. Then it would be 100% profit.”
He explained the plan, “I’ll buy the chips and soda and you walk into the store pick up a packet of baloney and bread and walk out the door. We’ll sell the sandwiches for as cheap as we want, because it’ll be 100% profit!”
“It’ll be obvious that I have a loaf of bread under my shirt.”
“No, no, you don’t hide it. You just pick it up and walk out, it’ll look like you’re exchanging it or something. If it looks like your trying to hide it, they’ll know your stealing. Just take it, and walk out.”
“I don’t want to get in trouble for stealing…”
“You won’t get in trouble if you don’t get caught.”
“Oh, that makes sense.” I concluded.
The plan was carried out the next day. I did the stealing and didn’t get caught. Sales were great because pot smokers get the munchies and we were cheap. We were now sitting on a $10 financial empire.
So the next day, we went to the store where my brother would buy chips and soda, and I would take advantage of the 5 finger discount of the day.
I grab a loaf of bread, pick up a pack of bologna and casually walk toward the check-out area and pretend like I’m looking for my mom, I wander around the check-out area and say outloud, but not too loud, “Mom, mom, where are you?” I pretend that I can’t find her and look toward the exit. Then I head for the door as if she might have left without me.
Some pretty good acting if I say so myself.
I was home-free at this point. The automatic door opens as I step on the black mat, just as I’m about to make my get-a-way whena big hand lands on my shoulder. “Going somewhere young man?” He asks.
“I can’t find my mom.” I explain nervously.
“You didn’t pay for that son.” He says sternly.
“I…I…I’m looking for my mom.” I was 8 years old, but only about 3 feet tall so I looked like a 6 year old. According to our pre-determined alibi, I’m a little kid lost and looking for mom.
It was obvious the guard wasn’t buyin’ it. “We’ll see about that, look to me you’re trying to walk out the store without paying for this stuff.” He takes the bread and bologna. “Come with me.” He took my hand and lead me to a managers office and told me to take a seat.
“Wait here while I get the manager”
I was getting more nervous by the minute, in addition, I started sweating and my stomach started with the butterflies. I was certain I was going straight to prison. My mind started to wonder if they had a special prison for kids, and if I would still be in prison when school starts. Does the prison have a school? If not, maybe it would be a little like a vacation.
The manager walked in and sat down at the desk facing me. He looked me right in the eye, sizing me up to see if I would try to lie my way out of this. I had the perfect back-story, but now I’m questioning the alibi, coupled with the fact that I’m a terrible liar. He’ll see right through me with that piercing stare.
“You know what you did was stealing. I’m supposed call the police when someone gets caught stealing. But we’ll wait before we do that. Security said your were looking for your mom. No one’s reported a missing kid. You can just wait here and we’ll wait and see.” And at that, he left.
I knew it…I was going to prison. I have no idea how much time passed, but it seemed like I was there for hours. Finally, the manager returned.
Tears welled up in my eyes. “Please don’t send me to prison, I still wet the bed!” I have no idea where that came from, I stopped wetting the bed when I was four; however, after I said that, the manager cracked a half grin.
“You knew you were stealing didn’t you?” he asked. “I mean, you didn’t try to hide the stuff.”
“I don’t know.” I was scared, “I never did this before…” I confessed.
I couldn’t lie, he would know. But a partial truth might work, I’ll tell him I’m guilty and leave out the part about selling the stuff for pofit.
I wiped the tears from my eyes and noticed something.
This was the man who yelled at us for collecting coke bottles. I wondered if he was just mean by nature, or if we caught him on a bad day. I gambled on the later.
“My mother’s divorced and she doesn’t have a job. We don’t have any food. I just wanted a sandwich.” My stomach growled right on que. “I just wanted to make a sandwich! We tried collecting coke bottles to get the money, but we didn’t get enough…so, so, I stole.” I put my head down and cried. That mumbly-sounding cry that a 6 yr old would do.
I looked up and saw the manager also recognized me from the day before. He had that look that said, this is partly my fault.
“OK, ok, its like this, Taking stuff and not paying for it, is stealing.” he continued, “I could call the police, but I’m not going to do that. If you promise…you promise, never to do this again.”
“I promise” I muttered.
“I’m going to let you go, but I can’t let you take the things you stole.” He opened the office door.
“Thank you, thank you, I promise…never again!” I got up, head down, and slowly took the walk of shame toward the door.
“There’s one more thing.” he added.
“Yes sir?”
“Here’s a dollar…and no more stealing!” he said as he handed me the money.
I took the dollar, and met my brother outside. He said I was gone a long time and he was getting worried. He thought I was in jail already. “I thought we were gonna have to ask dad to send lawyers, guns and money!” He joked.
We proceeded to sell the chips and soda to the hippies.
Once we had our profits, my brother was excited that I got an extra dollar and congratulated me for talking my way out it. I was shaken by the whole ordeal and told him I didn’t want to do this any more. No more soda, chips and especially sandwiches.
And at that, our short business came to an end.
AND NOW YOU KNOW.
Song in my head:
Coming Next: Something New!
A New Ask Bob Column is posted every Friday!
Go to the Ask Bob Page for a years worth of nonsense…
Here are all the Ask Bob columns ever written, almost.
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- 09/01 - What In The World Is BHB? (by Bob Senitram)June asks: Hey Bob, what’s a bullum-head? I overheard a girl on the train say, “Sure, he’s a nice guy…but that bullum-head. I just can’t get past that!” WHAT IS…
- 08/25 - Stephen’s Gone! (by Bob Senitram)Sad to report Stephen’s gone! I won’t be answering any emails today because of this grave situation that will affect each and every one of us. I am talking about…
- 08/18 - Bob Gives Thanks! (by Bob Senitram)I would like to thank everyone for visiting our website and submitting questions! Once we rebranded in 2021, I was a little unsure about our resurgence…but traffic has been pretty…
- 08/11 - A Burning Question, Answered! (by Bob Senitram)Lolla-pa-looza asks:Bob – How can you tell if its ok to eat leftovers? Dear Lolla-pa-looza, if that is your real name, This is a problem I’ve struggled with for years.…
- 08/04 - So Why Does Bob HAVE To Vote Trump? (by Bob Senitram)This column won’t make any sense unless you read last week’s column first, “Bob Commits Votes for Trump…AGAIN!!!“ “So, what’s the deal?” Bel asks. “Well, back in 2016 Trump had…
- 07/28 - Bob Votes for Trump…AGAIN!!! (by Bob Senitram)“ARE…YOU…INSANE…” Bel counters. “Trump has been nothing but trouble since day one…who in thier right mind wants that again…” “I gotta. Besides, folks like us need to stick together, you…
- 07/21 - Bob Turns to Bel for Help (by Bob Senitram)Following Stephen’s advice, I sought out Bel for help on how to make money to pay for a “Bat-Guy” to get rid of bats in our attic. Bel was in…
- 07/14 - 4TH OF JULY! (by Bob Senitram)I hope all of you had a nice 4th of July, free of drive byes and fingers gettin’ blown off. ASK BOB A QUESTION!!! If you didn’t, sorry about the…
- 07/07 - Star Bars Part III: Return of the Jo-Jo (by Bob Senitram)In case you missed it, this is part III of the Star Bars story.” Synopsis: Previously, in Star Bars, Lucky meets up with Obla-doo and finds out his droid has…
- 06/30 - Star Bars – Lucky Strikes Back! (by Bob Senitram)Lucky Strike just told Obla-doo he was gonna pop a cap in Darth Garth’s ass… “Lucky, you ain’t doing a God Damn thing” Obla-doo replies. “But he killed my father…”…
- 06/23 - Senitram Summer Road Trip 2023! (by Bob Senitram)I put the Star Bars story on hold to tell you all about the Senitram Summer Road Trip 2023! We’re fortunate that we can afford little vacations now and then.…
- 06/16 - STAR BARS – No Hope (by Bob Senitram)I started writing Star Bars because I figured this Star Wars thing really took off over the years, so I would jump on the bandwagon and write my own B-Movie…
- 06/09 - Writer’s Strike?! (by Bob Senitram)So the writer’s strike may be coming to an end so we can start watching our favorite late night shows again! They just want more money for writing slightly humorous…
- 06/02 - Do I Prey or Pray… (by admin)Gene asks, “HEY BOB, DOES LIFE EVER LEAVE YOU THUNDERSTRUCK AND DO YOU PRAY OR DO YOU PREY?” Hey Gene, STOP YELLING AT ME! For me life is awesome, but…
- 05/26 - Strange Dreams Part III (by Bob Senitram)The strange dreams continue: I was going thru my morning rush routine trying to get ready for class. In this dream I was in college, but instead of living in…
- 05/19 - Me And My Old-Lady… (by Bob Senitram)Last week I intended to write about a friendly visit by an Alien… Well, I got sidetracked when I started to describe some of my re-occurring dreams. The most prominent…
- 05/12 - Strange Dreams (by Bob Senitram)In my younger days I wasn’t as clean cut and conservative as I am today. So after a lifetime abusing drugs and alcohol, my brain is like a block of…
- 05/05 - It’s Moooiy-da, I tell you!!! (by Bob Senitram)You probably don’t recall, so I’ll tell you, two years ago Fox New was prescribed by my doctor to fix my low blood pressure. But then I became irritable because…
- 04/28 - What Really-Really-Really Happened!!!! (by Bob Senitram)Please note the superior level of explanation points used in the title of this column. That and only that displays my resolve to tell this nail-biting story! As I mentioned…
- 04/21 - Rescued!!! (by Bob Senitram)It turns out, that Stephen read last week’s column and decided to take action! This would be the second time he saved my life. Don’t get me wrong, Stephens quite…
- 04/13 - Finally I get to Answering Emails! (by Bob Senitram)Before I answer emails, I would like to mention my current state of affairs. As I mentioned a few weeks ago, TheWeirdcrap.com was sold to a rich investor who refused…
- 04/08 - Ohio Crap (by Bob Senitram)We got a short-short-short story submitted a few weeks ago called “Ohio Crap”. Well, I’m sorry to say, it just didn’t cut the cake to get posted with the Alarmingly…
- 04/01 - Hippies Coke Bottles and the Long Arm of the Law (by Bob Senitram)This is from a couple of years ago… I liked the idea but decided to change a few things. I think I still had the Covid brain fog when originally…
- 03/25 - People Make Me Sick! (by Bob Senitram)Last week Stephen Johnson, decided to grace TheWeirdcrap.com headquarters with his presence… WE INTERRUPT THE REGULAR PROGRAM TO BRING YOU THIS IMPORTANT MESSAGE: 20 years ago, Randy Bone submitted one…
- 03/18 - Nursery Rhymes For New Parents! (by Bob Senitram)Parenting is hard work, there’s planes to catch and bills to pay and you still have to find time to learn those kids! So, for all you new parents, I…
- 03/11 - She Gets Hungriest at Night… (by Bob Senitram)This week, Stephen explains what happened to Chuck Cunningham, Opy Cunninghams older brother who disappeared in the first season! Speaking of columns on TheWeirdcrap.com, if you want to write a…
- 03/04 - Winter Road Trip Part II (by Bob Senitram)Last week I shared how google decided to drive us right into the eye of a winter storm on the way to Minneapolis. We got to the hotel which was…
- 02/25 - The Winter Roadtrip 2023 (by Bob Senitram)After a nice hard winter, the ol’ lady decided that a winter road trip would be fun. She had some out of state work, so we decided to pack up…
- 02/18 - The Meaning of Life (by Bob Senitram)Michael asks:My names Michael and I feel it has been impossible to find my meaning. I have classified myself and a “wondering wonderer”, also known as a drifter. So now…
- 02/11 - About that Alaska “balloon” (by Bob Senitram)You may have read about the air force shooting down that “balloon” in Alaska. But In have to tell the REAL story of what happened out there. As you may…
- 02/04 - Bobs Guide on How to Be Human (by Bob Senitram)With all the violence in society these days, I got to thinkin’, people need some rules that they can follow without all the confusion of congressional legislation. Of course, we…
- 01/21 - Why Dogs Eat Poo – Part VI (by Bob Senitram)I get in the elevator and my guide hits a few buttons and it feels like we’re going down. “Are we in an elevator?” I ask. “Sure.” The guide responds.…
- 01/14 - The History of Our Planet Part V (by Bob Senitram)About 2 months ago, I set out to explain why dogs eat their own poo. Well, I’ll get to it. I just got sidetracked, and explaining how I came to…
- 12/31 - The 2023 Annual Predictions! (by Bob Senitram)I decided to revitalize the Yearly Predictions, started decades ago. So far, none of my predictions have come true. But I figure if I keep swinging, eventually I’ll hit a…
- 12/24 - My Birthday/Xmas Special (by Bob Senitram)I interrupt my special 10-part episode of explaining why dogs eat poo to present this special holiday column. You see my birthday falls on the day that writers for TheWeirdcrap.com…
- 12/17 - History of the Dog Planet Part IV (by Bob Senitram)Well, a month ago I set out to explain why some dogs eat their own poo and we ended up with a history of Earth. If your not up to…
- 12/10 - History of the Earth Part III (by Bob Senitram)Last week, I got to witness the first slim, silver, almond eyed Earthlings as they exited the planet before it was consumed by meteors and reduced to a molten rock…
- 12/04 - Just Another Day (by Bob Senitram)Well, I spent hours this week on my story about the History of the Earth to help explain why dogs eat their own poo. But I didn’t like the direction…
- 11/26 - History of the Earth Part II (by Bob Senitram)Last week the magical entity that appeared offered to provide me with the history of the Earth. You can Ask Bob a Question… So I said ok. He had me…
- 11/20 - The History of Earth, Part I (by Bob Senitram)In answering last weeks question, “Why do dogs eat shit,” I find it necessary to provide the history of our planet in order to get to the bottom of it…
- 11/13 - Ask Bob is now an AWARD WINNING COLUMN!!! (by Bob Senitram)I would like to proudly announce the management of TheWeirdcrap.com has awarded the Ask Bob column a prestigious award. I am now the recipient of the “Flying Fickle Finger of…
- 11/05 - I Have A Sad Story To Tell You (by Bob Senitram)I have a sad story to tell you. But first, remember you can ASK BOB any question you want…I have a degree in S-C-I-E-N-C-E. As Autumn ends, my two month…
- 10/29 - Fiction, Covid, and Midterms…Oh, my! (by Bob Senitram)Before I get started, I want to mention the new system we have for submitting short stories. If your like me and you just write stuff for the hell of…
- 10/22 - A Very Scary Senitram Special (by Bob Senitram)So I’m no more that 10 years old when I went downstairs after I finished my homework to hear my father talking to our Priest. Father: I was at the…
- 10/09 - Read The Fine Print… (by Bob Senitram)New and Improved disclaimer from the Editor: It has come to the attention of the staff and management of TheWeirdcrap.com that Bob Senitram has been handing out unwise and somewhat…
- 10/02 - Much Ado About Nothing… (by Bob Senitram)The whole weekend went by and I just realized I never wrote a column this week. I was going to write about a game show staring Samuel A. Jackson, but…
- 09/24 - Sunflowers and The Mutha-Fucka (by Bob Senitram)This weeks visitor mail included mutha-fucka’s and sunflowers!Ask Bob a question here. From Cindy, “Hey Bob! This weeks visitor mail included mutha-fucka’s and sunflowers!Ask Bob a question here. From Cindy,…
- 09/17 - The All Night DJ at WJAZ (by Bob Senitram)Before I tell you about my all night DJ gig, I must remind you to Ask Bob a question. I have a degree in SCIENCE! So as I had mentioned…
- 09/11 - I Was A Teenage DJ: The Wrath of Marge (by Bob Senitram)There I was, a teenage DJ working part time at a religious radio station. I did a weekend shift and in the summer I worked evenings. The pay would be…
- 09/03 - The High School DJ (by Bob Senitram)In the last Ask Bob I explained my unlikely introduction into radio broadcasting, so we’ll just keep going. P.S. You can Ask Bob a question, lately I only get spam…
- 08/27 - My First Radio Job (by Bob Senitram)About 65 years ago I was in a Broadcast Radio Class at a Technical High School in my hometown of good ol’ Omaha, Nebraska. In Nebraska, this was new state…
- 08/14 - Can you vomit up your own poo? (by Bob Senitram)The vomiting poo question was sent a few weeks ago, and now 3 weeks later I still haven’t answered! So if we get a few more folks Asking Bob a…
- 08/06 - How Much Vomit Would A Person Vomit If A…Oh Forget It! (by Bob Senitram)Yoyo asks:If I vomit a lot will I eventually vomit up my own poo? And if so, where will it end? This had to be scientifically tested. I got the…
- 07/31 - Go On Now…GIT! (by Bob Senitram)An email from Tony: Ldkfjg\#%$9473&rmsrijgdkg525455f;fuslvpesa,cvoes,d* Well Tony, if that is your real name, I take issue with “esa”. I just don’t think that kind of language is necessary…but, ok. Nice…
- 07/23 - The Towering Inferno Part III or Tragedy Times Two (by Bob Senitram)Remember, you can Ask Bob a question about anything! Last week I described how Omaha was all abuzz about the new 20 story building in Omaha’s mud and brick landscape,…
- 07/10 - The Towing Inferno Part Two – THE BUILDING (by Bob Senitram)Before I get to that towering inferno stuff, last week, I was explaining what I was doing in “THE BUILDING” when Stephen caught fire to it. But before that, remember…
- 07/02 - The Towing Inferno Part One, or Bobby Cant Drive Worth Shit (by Bob Senitram)Last week, I promised to tell the story of how I ended up in that towering inferno where I first met Stephen. So here it is… It was August of…
- 06/24 - Whats All This About Overturning Elections? (by Bob Senitram)With all the talk about a “certain someone” overturning elections, I thought this column written last year would be relevant. It not only includes the 2020 election cover-up, but also…
- 06/13 - Senitram Road Trip 2022 : Part Two (by Bob Senitram)In the Senitram road trip part one, I explained how we traveled across the country to visit my homestate of good ‘ol Nebraska. I’m from Omaha, but we kept going…
- 06/05 - The Senitram Road Trip 2022 (by Bob Senitram)By Bob Senitram It’s that time of year again where we plan the anual Senitram road trip. Schools out and the ol’ Lady flips thru travel magazines looking for ways…
- 05/22 - A Most Rediculous Haircut (by Bob Senitram)Before I go on about my haircut, I have to talk about that Facebook and Instagram thing. For those who don’t know, TheWeirdcrap’s Facebook page was hacked last week. I’ve…
- 05/15 - Pulling Stuff out of my Ass.. (by Bob Senitram)Before I get to that “out of my ass…” stuff, I got a big announcement: In case anyone keeps track, there have been no updates on facebook or instagram for…
- 04/24 - BREAKING NEWS!!! World War III is cancelled! (by Bob Senitram)Last week Jacob asked: So, is this World War III and the end of the world as we know it? But I talked about masks and toilet paper, and never…
- 04/17 - Pandemics, inflation and War…Oh, My! (by Bob Senitram)You can ask bob anything you want…I have a degree in SCIENCE! Jacob asks: So, is this World War III and the end of the world as we know it?…
- 04/02 - B Batteries are The Bestest (by Bob Senitram)The mysteries of the universe or B Batteries can be unlocked by simply deciding to “Ask Bob” a question. -He has a degree in SCIENCE! – Several weeks ago, I…
- 03/27 - B Batteries are Badder: Bart Blue (by Bob Senitram)B Batteries…where are they? This weeks column is finishing up from last week’s question. Feel free to “Ask Bob” a question.-He has a degree in SCIENCE!- Last week I was…
- 03/20 - B Batteries are Badder (by Bob Senitram)Here’s an interesting question from Wayne: “Why are there no B batteries?” Remember you can still “Ask Bob” any question you want!-He has a degree in SCIENCE! – When I…
- 03/07 - World War III (by Bob Senitram)Before we move on to World War III, as Stephen mentioned TheWeirdcrap started long before Al Gore invented the inter-web. I’m still trying to find the first edition. When I…
- 02/19 - The Saga of Jerome: Part III; The Reckoning (by Bob Senitram)Oh yes, you can ask Bob any question you want. I have a degree in……….SCIENCE! In case you’re wondering about all this Jerome stuff, here are some links to keep…
- 02/06 - Jerome Doesn’t Live Here Anymore (by Bob Senitram)In the last story of Jerome, I picked him up on a corner after receiving a phone call. He was frantically going on about how “They’re out to get him…”…
- 01/30 - The Return of Jerome (by Bob Senitram)It all started with a phone ring. “You got the time, I got the time!” “Is this Bob Senitram?” “Sure, who’s this?” “It’s Jerome, I need your help. They’re after…
- 01/23 - Children of the Corn, or Children of the Cornhuskers… (by Bob Senitram)On my last trip I was in Nebraska, and I did come across some children that had turned to evil! And as everyone knows all Nebraska children are born cornhuskers…
- 01/09 - Adventures in Truck Driving Part III: The Final Insult (by Bob Senitram)No Means, NO! There were two things I missed the most when I drove over the road every day. First there was beer. No drinking for me when I was…
- 12/27 - Adventures in Truck Driving Part II: A Day Late and a Dollar Short (by Bob Senitram)Here’s this week’s “day late and dollar short column” (I didn’t want to do anything during Christmas holiday, but now its two days later…so here you go, more adventures in…
- 12/19 - Adventures in Truck Driving – Part I (by Bob Senitram)With all the distribution problems these days I thought I’d share some of my own missadventures from the 5 years I was in the truck driving industry. The Saga of…
- 12/05 - She Dropped The Bomb On Me (by Bob Senitram)After showing my “New Bible” to my pastor, I was expecting to be treated like Ralphy in “A Christmas Story”. He would be so inspired by my revelation, that he…
- 11/21 - My Waterloo… (by Bob Senitram)As you may recall, I recently got a ticket and decided not to show up claiming executive privilege. You see, I sent a copy of my ticket to Mar-a-Lago addressed…
- 11/13 - My Thyroid, Myself… (by Bob Senitram)I AM OUTRAGED!!! But before I get into that, let me give you a little history… Long ago and far away, in a land that predates TCH laced Gummy Worms,…
- 10/24 - A Top Secret Affair! (by Bob Senitram)Hey, I forgot to mention last week, you can still Ask Bob a question, I have a degree in Science. You can put it in the comments section below or…
- 10/09 - Basements, Pee Holes, and The Guest That Just Won’t Leave… (by Bob Senitram)Sorry, I didn’t post a column last week, but I was in St. Louis all weekend. I didn’t want to go, but the ol’ lady packed up a suitcase put…
- 09/19 - Dream #9, The Return of Randy (by Bob Senitram)My planned column is put on hold so I can tell you about the most wonderful dream I had. First a little background. My brother-in-law, Randy, stayed in our basement…
- 09/11 - An Unspeakable Truth… (by Bob Senitram)Yes, you to can Ask Bob a Question! Stephen will be happy to know that I am writing a column for the second week in a row! I’m also publishing…
- 09/04 - The Truth About Global Warming (by Bob Senitram)Ask Bob a Question and he’ll answer it the best he can! Sara asks: So what’s up with all this crazy weather..Is global warming really real or what??? P.S. I…
- 08/15 - Senitram Unwittingly Becomes The Leader Of An Anti-Vax Cult? (by Bob Senitram)Prior to the reboot of the website, I haven’t recieved a single question for the Ask Bob column since 2010. Now I have two! Sara writes: Is it true you’re…
- 08/01 - 2021 Road Trip: The Rise of Senitram (by Bob Senitram)You can Ask Bob a question!He knows more than you! He has a degree in S-C-I-E-N-C-E. So Stephen wants to know about our road trip, I guess there might be…
- 07/25 - The Senitram Roadtrip 2021! (by Bob Senitram)You can Ask Bob a question if you want!I have a de-gree in S-C-I-E-N-C-E. I didn’t plan on writing about my little vacation, but since Stephen let the cat out…
- 07/05 - Good Times in 1968, Hippies, coke bottles and the long arm of the law (by Bob Senitram)You can Ask Bob a question! He has a degree in…science! This column is inspired by Irving Bronsky who in 2001 submitted a story about what it was like being…
- 06/21 - Stop the Steal (by Bob Senitram)Click here if YOU want to Ask Bob a Question!I have a degree in SCIENCE! Tessa from Albuquerque writes: I read a few articles from the past. I seems you…
- 06/07 - Getting ready to get ready! (by Bob Senitram)Getting Ready! I like to read the daily paper so my columns will be current. I don’t use one of those fancy electronic aps that show up in tiny print…
- 05/24 - 50 Ways to catch Corona… (by Bob Senitram)Ask Bob Last week I was running errands for my wife. I didn't want to, but again the sugar cubes worked their magic and next thing I knew I was at the dry cleaners...
- 05/16 - To V or not to V (by Bob Senitram)By Bob Senitram The other week while watching t.v. I heard the President stress, “I urge every American to go get your shot…” Wanting to be a good American, not…
- 04/16 - Bob Senitram’s State of the Union (by Bob Senitram)(Originally posted on 03/14/2006) I came out of retirement to share my opinions of the political landscape! In the spirit of Shark Tank… Donald Trump: I could bore you to…
- 09/02 - Money from Nothing – Part III (by Bob Senitram)This is a continuing series called “Money from Nothing,” which means if you’re an average Joe that is just getting by paycheck to paycheck to pay bills and not able…
- 07/16 - Money for Nothing Part II (by Bob Senitram)Ok, I’m a little late getting part II out. I finished this about 2 weeks ago, but had to sit on it for a little while before the release. Now…
- 06/20 - Money From Nothing – Part I (by Bob Senitram)Back in the end of 1999, Stephen and I decided to build “TheWeirdcrap.com”. We had no idea what to do with it at the time, but one feature we kept…
- 03/14 - HE’S DAAAIIID! HE’S DAAAID! HE STINKS AND HE DON’T MOVE! (by Bob Senitram)Recently I head the rumor that “Bob Senitram” had died and thats what happened to the famous “Ask Bob” column. No one present knew that I was the very much…
- 03/30 - The much awaited EASTER SPECIAL! (by Bob Senitram)Jim from Wichita, KS asks:I’m an Evangelical Christian of the sacred church of the bleeding heart, and I don’t think this Easter bunny things got anything to do with the…
- 01/05 - The world according to Garp… (by Bob Senitram)Rather than sharing an interesting or even a moderately interesting story, I’m gonna give you my take on the world. Let’s start with Russia. Putin wants to take control of…
- 10/06 - How about that Ozone? (by Bob Senitram)Sam from Philly writes: Dear Bob,How about that Ozone? Bob:Dear Sam: I looked thru every football handbook I could find and couldn’t find a thing about the Ozone. I thought…
- 09/15 - Eating Kitty (by Bob Senitram)Back in the day, I made my living by driving a truck. I got my CDL over the road for about five years, then quit. We moved Florida so the…
- 07/28 - The Cronic Butt Itch (by Bob Senitram)For those new to this column, I’m Bob Senitram. I am the technical director of “TheWeirdcrap.com” and “My Strange Stories.com.” TheWeirdcrap.com has been around for 14 years, and has had…
- 02/17 - Open the Docking Bay Doors, Hal… (by Bob Senitram)Unexpectedly, an alien showed up at my house. I asked, “Are you a Nazi-Space-Alien from Der Daaak Side unt da Moon? He said, “No.” And I was cool with that.…
- 12/09 - In the year 2525… (by Bob Senitram)This weekend I watched the movie “Robot and Frank” and realized that that is going to be me in the future. I’ll be seventy, my wife will be in her…
- 09/03 - CRESENT + FRESH = BOB! (by Bob Senitram)“Rayo” writes:Is you fresh? Dear Rayo, Funny you should ask. Just a few weeks ago Stephen Johnson (Lunatic Ravings) was questioning my sincerity of my claims of Cresent Fresh-osity. But…
- 07/22 - Crescent Fresh (by Bob Senitram)I decided to take a look at the newspaper and see what is and is-not cresent fresh! ZimmermanNot guilty? That is totally NOT Cresent Fresh! Reminds me of an instance…
- 06/10 - “You’re not being SILLY…ARE YOU?” (by Bob Senitram)Mitzi writes: Who do you think you are, posting your opinions about things that you obviously know nothing about! What gives you the right? My Dear Mitzi: First of…
- 05/13 - Every turn I make, takes me home… (by Bob Senitram)A few months back I explained how my new lap-top made life easier and am now much more likely too write these columns/blogs on a more regular basis. …
- 04/22 - Time creeps in! (by Bob Senitram)I have had a massive brain fart for the last few months…OK, years. Here’s the deal. When I first started writing the column, 13 years ago, I was in my…
- 03/11 - Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds… (by Bob Senitram)Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds…Part II (Last week, on Ask Bob) It’s been a loud, cold, bumpy ride the whole way. We got a nice meal earlier. You know,…
- 02/25 - Here Comes the Sun (unexpected fiction!) (by Bob Senitram)It’s been a loud, cold, bumpy ride the whole way. We got a nice meal earlier. You know, just in case. I feel a little sick to my stomach, not…
- 01/14 - The Visitor (by Bob Senitram)Unexpectedly, an alien showed up at my house. I asked, “Are you a Nazi-Space-Alien from Der Daaak Side unt da Moon? He said, “No.” And I was cool with that.…
- 07/09 - Writer’s Cramp? (by Bob Senitram)Like Stephen Johnson, I too have had a writer’s cramp! Well, not really. I have some good ideas cookin’ but I’ve been real busy lately and only have half completed…
- 05/14 - Caught in the act! (by Bob Senitram)Somebody was gonna get caught in the act and I was really excited when I got the call from 20/20 to help them in an undercover investigation! So here’s…
- 03/13 - A contemporary Icon! (by Bob Senitram)Johnny V. from El Cerrito, CA, asks .“Hey Bob, how can I become a contemporary icon like You? Why just the other day I was replacing the brakes on my…
- 02/19 - A taste of heaven! (by Bob Senitram)This email comes from Khitte@______,Bob, YOU ARE A SINNER OR WHAT!!!Now what’ch ya gonna do?SINNER!!!!! Dear Khitte, Your email really hit home. I sat in front of the computer and…
- 02/05 - Omaha Poker! (by Bob Senitram)With the lack of short stories submitted lately and the sparse columns posted on TheWeirdcrap.com “The Boss” decided he needed to talk to me and Stephen…in person! This is a…
- 02/01 - My non-Top 10 List for 2011 (by Bob Senitram)I was quite concerned when Stephen wrote that I didn’t have a 2011 Top Ten list because I didn’t like anything in 2011. I decided to prove him wrong, not…
- 01/10 - And now its time for the break-down… (by Bob Senitram)…and that should pretty much answer your question! For those who haven’t read every single “Ask Bob” article written in the last ten years, I’ll explain. A couple of years…
- 11/21 - From the Outback… (by Bob Senitram)Stovsie from stockton:g,day i am from the outback and eery on epicks on me. what should i do bob. Stovsie:I feel your pain, in fact just this week Stephen’s old…
- 11/07 - Truth or Dare… (by Bob Senitram)I have a confession to make. The last gut wrenching, LOL column was not an original piece. Right now Stephen Johnson is shouting, “I knew it…I KNEW IT!” For those…
- 10/11 - Holy Business tips (by Bob Senitram)Some time ago I had an email that asked how a good Christian can apply his ideals to the workplace. I spent a good two years thinkin’ ’bout this on…
- 08/08 - Dog Shit!? (by Bob Senitram)I’ve been commenting on the debt ceiling dog shit issue for a few months and now that it’s all over, all I have to say is “Thanks, Tea Party.” Thanks…
- 05/15 - Out of Gas! (by Bob Senitram)I’m just out of gas, so rather than bore you with the mundane details of my somewhat boring conservative life, I thought I would present ANOTHER “Best of Senitram” where…
- 04/05 - Shrongs -Part IV (by Bob Senitram)This is a piece of fiction from about four years ago…one of my favorites that was never featured on www.MyStrangeStories.com or www.theweirdcrap.com. Which seems sort of odd in retrospect, since…
- 03/22 - Shrongs Part III or Part II, article A (by Bob Senitram)Bob on Twitter,Or just Ask Bob a question already. This is a piece of fiction from about four years ago…one of my favorites that was never featured on Alarmingly Strange…
- 03/14 - Shrongs -Part II (by Bob Senitram)This is a piece of fiction from about four years ago…one of my favorites that was never featured on Alarmingly Strange Stories or www.theweirdcrap.com. Which seems sort of odd in…
- 02/28 - Shrongs (by Bob Senitram)Bob on Twitter,Or just Ask Bob a question already. Shrongs is a piece of fiction from about four years ago…one of my favorites that was never featured on Alarmingly Strange…
- 01/31 - The advice keeps rolling in! (by Bob Senitram)Bob on Twitter (he never updates it…but you have to see for yourself)Dear Bob,I am a newlywed who loves her husband very much; however, I am very shy and I…
- 01/17 - More relationship goodies by Bob! (by Bob Senitram)Bob on Twitter,Or just Ask Bob a question already. Editors Note:I was just about to post when I realized I did not give a top ten list of movies and…
- 12/06 - Relationship advice! (by Bob Senitram)Andrew asks: Hey Bob,Last week I got a haircut. My wife didn’t notice but I don’t really care. However, last month she got her hair all done up and I…
- 10/18 - Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice and I won’t get fooled again. (by Bob Senitram)Bob on Twitter!Or just Ask Bob a question already. Michelle from Little Rocks asks:So what’s all this about tax cuts? Dear Michelle,Your question reminds me of the time I…
- 09/20 - SAVE, SAVE, SAVE! (by Bob Senitram)I found this handy tid-bit that I wrote about five years ago. It’s from way back when, when folks actually sent me emails with questions. With the current economic situation…
- 08/16 - Ho-Hum…Nice day, Huh? (by Bob Senitram)Follow bob on Twitter!orask bob a question! Last week was the last week of summer for the kids. On monday, we had open house for Baby Gurl I (no longer…
- 06/01 - Who says there’s no free lunch? (by Bob Senitram)Follow bob on twitter orask bob a question! Like Stephen I haven’t written a column for a few weeks now. I had something lined up, but it’s not quite done…
- 04/19 - A Star is Born -Part I (by Bob Senitram)Follow bob on twitter orask bob a question! At the request of the editor of TheWeirdcrap.com’s worldwide headquarters located somewhere in southern California, just off Ventura Highway in the Basement…
- 03/29 - The killer bees of Hippie Park, 1969 (by Bob Senitram)Follow bob on twitter orask bob a question! Yes there is a bump on my forehead! It’s just a pimple…I think. Perhaps it will grow into a third eye or…
- 03/22 - A fun day. (by Bob Senitram)Follow Bob on twitter orask bob a question! Seems like it’s been so long since I had a chance to write a column I forgot about what I usually write…
- 01/25 - The big moment! (by Bob Senitram)Follow Bob on twitter orask bob a question! Barack from Washington asks:You make bizarre observations about politics and our world, where did you come from? Dear Sir:The Earth is so…
- 01/05 - One holiday late, one turkey short. (by Bob Senitram)Follow bob on twitter orask bob a question! I hate to see food or drink go to waste. Such a feeling should prompt me to volunteer at a food bank…
- 12/25 - It’s a wonderful Christmas story! (by Bob Senitram)Follow Bob on Twitter orAsk Bob a question! I understand how folks really love the Jesus, but for some reason its always at the expense of others. I’ve always questioned…
- 11/02 - The woman loves caulk! (by Bob Senitram)Leave a comment, or ask bob a question.Follow bob on Twitter. I’m just as sick of writing about political stuff, and I know you’re tired of reading it, so I’ll…
- 09/28 - Do I Offend? (by Bob Senitram)Leave a comment, or ask bob a question. Follow bob on twitter. Once again a busy week at the Senitram residence. Last Sunday I mow my moms yard ‘cause she’s…
- 09/21 - I wish the world was filled with silly stories… (by Bob Senitram)Leave a comment, or ask bob a question.Follow bob on twitter. This is the part of the show where Bob gets tired of writing about serious stuff and decides to…
- 08/10 - Tallahassee Tea Time! (by Bob Senitram)Ask Bob a question : webmaster@theweirdcrap.comThis weeks question comes from Susan from Boston, Dear Bob,Recently I got poison ivy, but my boyfriend did not. Why are somepeople allergic and others…
- 07/27 - My Time Away… (by Bob Senitram)No, I didn’t go on any fancy vacation like Stephen, I just stopped writing columns for a while. I just decided to do other stuff. When you work and have…
- 07/13 - How I won the war or Love Dream #9 (by Bob Senitram)(Cont. from the week before last week and the week before last…) All around me soldiers are setting up for the major offensive. Digging holes, doin’ this, doin’ that…I don’t…
- 05/18 - TV TIME!!! (by Bob Senitram)Instead of finishing up all the technical magic that would allow us to post our columns on our own server, I choose to watch T.V. instead. For no particular reason…
- 05/11 - Harry Husker is jealous God! (by Bob Senitram)This time he has gone too far. One advantage of writing my column on Sunday night is I can read the nonsensical dribble that appears each week on the “Lunatic…
- 04/20 - PC Alley (by Bob Senitram)Dave writes,Dear Bob,I come across TheWeirdcrap.com and noticed that there were blogs dating back to 2000!Are you guys internet millionaires yet? Dear Dave,It can best be explained like this……
- 04/13 - My week with the Kids! (by Bob Senitram)The ol’ lady was out of town for a week so I took care of Baby Gurl I and Baby Gurl II all by my lonesome. This is harder than…
- 03/30 - Why Stephen can’t read, but hates to admit it… (by Bob Senitram)I finally got the archives for 2008 finished at MyStrangeStories.com. All the favorites from 2008 are at the 2008 Archives. This was important because each submitted story was posted on…
- 03/23 - Getting rid of unwanted aliens with spring cleaning! (by Bob Senitram)Now that all the snow is gone for the year, I enjoyed the entire weekend cleaning each (3) bedroom top to bottom; getting rid of old stuff and spraying for…
- 03/09 - Old Fashioned (by Bob Senitram)Well in the recent past I’ve entertained myself by watching “Iron Man”, excellent movie, the new “Batman” movie, I don’t remember what it was called exactly, “Transformers” (too much action),…
- 03/02 - Can time stand still? (by Bob Senitram)Q: . If you have a humidifier and a dehumidifier running in the same room, will time stand still? A: . You would think so, since humidifers are used in…
- 02/23 - My Fight With A Ferocious Feline (by Bob Senitram)A few years ago I made my living by driving a truck. I got my CDL back in 95′, drove over the road for a few years, then quit. When…
- 02/16 - Tax Time at TheWeirdcrap.com (by Bob Senitram)Well I started putting together my taxes via TurboTax. I used to pay a pretty penny to have those done. No easy task, last year the whole printout was 72…
- 02/09 - Give to the UCVF (by Bob Senitram)Today I am going to discuss a very serious issue that will effect many Americans this year. Last week the President I once supported, mandated the first stage toward a…
- 01/06 - Double Feature (by Bob Senitram)Today’s column is twice as long because I’m not going to post another until Febuary so that I can work on some of the technical aspects of our sister site,…
- 12/29 - This time I’ve gone too far… (by Bob Senitram)A few days ago I got a nice Christmas card from my families spiritual elder which read like this: This time you’ve gone too far. This time you’ve gone too…
- 12/22 - Cold Fingers (by Bob Senitram)Well I figured that after explaining how all life on Earth started, I needed a little break. Breaks over and again I have absolutely nothing to write about. Last week…
- 12/09 - And now The End… (by Bob Senitram)I realized that I failed to conclude the exciting explanation of how life was created on Earth…I hope you read and the last three “Ask Bob’s”, otherwise this will make…
- 11/17 - A Blast from the Past -Part II (by Bob Senitram)Before I tell you about the rock that fell from the sky, a little history is appropriate. That rock, now being studied by scientists was the result of a collision…
- 11/10 - Blast from the Past! (by Bob Senitram)Before you go any further, check out the cool new design for the story section My Strange Stories! TheWeirdcrap.com links are always on the top of the page and stories…
- 10/20 - The rubber that could,,, (by Bob Senitram)A few weeks ago I announced that the new blogger section (Strange Bloggin’s) was nearly ready to go…well, still not yet. Time restraints have prevented me from doing what I…
- 09/02 - Eight is Enough. (by Bob Senitram)Out of all the sayings in the Democratic Convention, “Eight is Enough” was my favorite; although I liked it when Hillary said, “No how, no way, no McCain.” I like…
- 08/25 - Just give ‘em a big hug. (by Bob Senitram)Obama finally picked his running mate in the Presidential campaign. Seems like Edwards was out and Hillary’s campaign was too vicious for her to get picked. His choice shows a…
- 08/18 - BMS –big meat sandwich? (by Bob Senitram)I’m not going to explain what the title means, suffice to say “Harold and Kumar escape from Guantanamo Bay” is the best movie I’ve seen this summer. “Batman,” good special…
- 08/11 - Bob’s collapse. (by Bob Senitram)Blane writes:What’s up? Bob writes back:A poem by Bob Senitram, Hiroshima cable special,the baby’s melted on the road,bombers get the thumbs up,Americans cheer. Terror nightmares,and a weekday beer buzz.late again,they…
- 07/21 - Who is that guy? (by Bob Senitram)Bill writes:So who is this Stephen guy who writes the other column? Bob writes:Dear Bill,Although you may hear otherwise on TV or other web sites, Stephen is the “O.B.” The…
- 07/15 - If they can put a man on the moon… (by Bob Senitram)Jim writes:If they can put a man on the moon, why can’t they make a tv dinner to my liking? Bob writes;Dear Jim,This is one of the many faults of…
- 06/09 - My Struggle with everyday life (by Bob Senitram)This is how my week went and how I managed to cope. On Monday I attempted to fix my daughters window shade which had fallen down for the seventeenth time.…
- 06/02 - The Devil Made Me Do It. (by Bob Senitram)On the day I died, I was expecting a big meeting with Angelic attorneys that would put me on a trial. The Godly prosecutors would argue I shouldn’t go to…
- 05/12 - CRASH!!! (by Bob Senitram)Well the new story section is coming along quite nicely. It’s been available to the general public on the internet for two weeks and we already have over 2,500 visits…
- 05/05 - STRIKE! (by Bob Senitram)Finally the TV writers strike is over, just in time for the end of the season. In my life that means I can watch episodes of the Bionic Chick; however,…
- 04/14 - A BLAST FROM THE PAST… (by Bob Senitram)It’s been a few weeks since I last wrote a column, I don’t know why. It seems after writing a weekly column for 9 years, I just seem to run…
- 03/10 - The Next Four years (by Bob Senitram)The following is a dream I had. I’m quite sure it will come true because many of my dreams have come true in the past. The proof: One time at…
- 03/03 - COMING SOON? (by Bob Senitram)Before I get to the nitty-gritty, someone, somewhere is probably wondering, “Why isn’t TheWeirdcrap.com never updated like it used to be?” Well, the reason is the old site is running…
- 02/11 - After 2 years, I finally get an email! (by Bob Senitram)Grant from Michigan writes:A few months ago you said McCain was’t worth mentioning in the Iowa pre-vote caucus deal…now he’s the main man. What’s up with that smarty-pants! Dear Grant:I…
- 02/04 - Terror on the High Seas! A.k.a. The Bionic Woman does Dallas (by Bob Senitram)I kept promising a new episode of “The Bionic Woman”, but I haven’t bothered; now my back is against the wall since the writer’s strike is about to end! The…
- 01/14 - The Best of 2007! (by Bob Senitram)In this week’s column, Stephen Johnson listed my favorite album as “High School Musical 2” and my favorite concert a “Hanna Montana” concert. In response I must defend myself. Just…
- 12/31 - New Years Resolution 2008! (by Bob Senitram)It’s getting close to 2008 and I just can’t hold back the new changes for the new year! We’re moving into the next generation of web sites. The new and…
- 12/26 - OH HOLY NIGHT (by Bob Senitram)I didn’t have a Christmas special to write about this year, so I decided to wait until I finished my Christmas and see what comes. But for those who love…
- 12/18 - POSH-POSH (by Bob Senitram)These last few weeks have been a little busy, but that’s just the way it is with Thanksgiving, Christmas and kids. Baby-gurl 1 had a Thanksgiving deal-eo, but I couldn’t…
- 11/26 - The Best of Senitram! (by Bob Senitram)Since I got absolutely no ideas on what to write and all the writers are on strike, I decided to post this column from 5 years ago…enjoy, the Best of…
- 11/12 - 24 (by Bob Senitram)Just when the networks got rid of all those lame reality shows and graced us with real TV shows that requires writers, the writers decided that they wanted a piece…
- 11/06 - STRIKE! (by Bob Senitram)I’m sure with the professional style writing you enjoy here at TheWeirdcrap.com, you were not expecting a column because of the writers strike currently going on. However, we are not…
- 10/29 - Happy Halloween (by Bob Senitram)I’m very excited about Baby Gurl II sleeping all night! Although, I’m still suffering a little sleep deprivation due to a nasty cold I got. The other night I took…
- 09/24 - Just a Blog… (by Bob Senitram)Well as about six people may have noticed last week, I did not post a blog. I wrote one, but decided not to post it…it just wasn’t worth it. It…
- 09/10 - Shongs Part Last (by Bob Senitram)Continued from the last several weeks… “So how did you get here?” I asked. “You want the long version or the short one?” “Short” I replied. “You’ve been left our…
- 09/04 - Shongs Part Trice (by Bob Senitram)NOTE FROM MR. SENITRAM: Sorry folks, looks like I took another month off and just left you guyshangin’. Well, here’s the rest of the Shongs dream. If youdidn’t read the…
- 08/06 - Shongs Part Two (by Bob Senitram)Shongs Part Two If you missed the first part of this dream, that’s kinda too bad because I haven’t gotten around to updated the archives for the blogs this whole…
- 07/24 - Shongs (by Bob Senitram)Instead of writing something insightful or political, I’m going to grace you with another on of my bizarre dreams. They seem entertaining and I have them whether I want them…
- 07/17 - The eye’s have it… (by Bob Senitram)This is Part II of a vision I call love dream number 6 which occurred to me as a dream. When we left off our hero was deep underground with…
- 07/09 - One foot in the past and one in the future… (by Bob Senitram)I must share with you a vision I call love dream number 6. Another day at the underground factory. Down the elevator I go with a host of co-workers…we all…
- 06/26 - Trouble again (by Bob Senitram)Well now that I got my computer situation all situated, I’m writing on windows vista. It’s kinda neat but, I think I need an upgraded graphic card for it to…
- 06/19 - Beautiful, Beautiful, Angel Poo (by Bob Senitram)Ok this is goin‘ up a day late, but I just got a new PC from work and I had to rearrange the entire household computer network. It only cost…
- 06/12 - If the soup don’t stink… (by Bob Senitram)As I was explainin’, the world has been waiting for the first lander on a nearby planet. A first, for the space administration’s new mission of reaching for the stars.…
- 06/05 - Just a bit o’ the chills (by Bob Senitram)Before I tell you about the rock that fell from the sky, a little history is appropriate. That rock, now being studied by scientists was the result of a collision…
- 05/29 - The proof is in the Ballpark (by Bob Senitram)This is part three of the story, which explains all life on planet Earth. Because you asked. When we left off, Bobby Franks took the day off work, sneezed and…
- 05/23 - The busy week (by Bob Senitram)This was a busy week for me. My employer sent me to Las Vegas for a few days which you think would have been a fun filled adventure in between…
- 05/14 - What’s it all about? (by Bob Senitram)Jimmy from NY asks:All this talk about creation and evolution confuses me, just how did we get here? Bob writes back:Well that’s a tricky one it is. I don’t know…
- 05/07 - My Wedding Crashing days (by Bob Senitram)I was amazed when I read Stephen’s (http://lunaticravingstheweirdcrap.blogspot.com) last column! Not because he didn’t ruin the wedding he attended, but because he’s still shacked up with his ol’ lady. I…
- 04/30 - Dating advice! (by Bob Senitram)Susan writes: Hey bob, I got a date with a guy I kinda like and want to look nice. My roommate Candy invited me to pick through her clothes, because…
- 04/23 - Strategizin’ real hard (by Bob Senitram)“Billy” from ‘The East Coast’ writes: Dear Mr. Bob,Many of the folks workin’ beneath me say you don’t know what you’re talking about when goin’ political. But time seems to…
- 04/17 - Anna, Anna, Anna… (by Bob Senitram)A day late on posting my regular Monday column; however, I was pretty sick and I just didn’t have the energy to think about anything. Luckily the bug only lasted…
- 04/09 - Random thoughts for the bored (by Bob Senitram)Now that the ol’ lady is back, I’m able to get some stuff done around the house. Today I networked the computer in our basement to the new computer and…
- 04/02 - Last Minute, Last Supper for Gentiles! (by Bob Senitram)Thomas from Boston:Bob, I want to do more than hide Easter eggs this season. Any ideas for what will make this Easter special? Bob writes:I assume you got kids ‘cause…
- 03/19 - The dope of the Ring (by Bob Senitram)Susan from New York Writes:I read your column last week and it seems you got several bags of trash bags for the price of one. What are you complaining about?…
- 03/12 - Those damn bags (by Bob Senitram)Wayne from ___________? Writes: am i stupid Bob writes:First of all I’m not gonna pick on you for omitting punctuation or capitol letters, that would just be too easy. There…
- 03/05 - Some nice time off! (by Bob Senitram)Susan of Tacoma asks, Bob, My husband and I have one child and that’s all we can afford. I want my husband to have a vasectomy; however, he resists. Why…
- 01/22 - All of it!!! (by Bob Senitram)This just in…we got NEW STORIES at www.AlarminglyStrangeStories.com!!!Go to the Strange Stories link and enjoy the new stuff. I’ve been too busy with a toddler and a newborn, but now…
- 01/02 - HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! (by Bob Senitram)This is a late entry for the new year, but I’m real busy with the new kid and all. But I have much to write about because me head is…
- 12/20 - Is Christmas really the most wonderful time of the year? (by Bob Senitram)My initial response is YES! Last year, I found my own religion and I found the Jesus…So I say YES! But then my lady reminded me that I should be more scientific. Not “Suzie-Q” my “inflatable friend,”…
- 12/18 - Merry Christmas you sick son-of-a-bitches! (by Bob Senitram)If you don’t celebrate Christmas, have a happy HOLIDAY. Or if you’re a pessimist and you find happiness offensive, have a crappy HOLIDAY. Or if you are convinced that this…
- 12/11 - Getting out! (by Bob Senitram)Song in my head:First there is a mountain,Then there is no mountain,Then there is…-Donovan Well that all-too-awaited for report came out about what to do in Iraq. To summarize they…
- 11/30 - Pick up lines and ass-tobacco (by Bob Senitram)A few months ago, Garion announced that he was to wed. My usual thanksgiving tradition is to eat a big meal and then contemplate all the things about me that…
- 11/06 - The Final Fantasy (by Bob Senitram)This weeks big dump is a collection of rare stories made by yours truly. I’m not exactly PS Gifford, so you won’t find any works of art here. What you…
- 10/30 - The Yard birds (by Bob Senitram)Jim from Splivey writes:Bob, I never heard of you before. But after reading some of your archived stuff, I found I’ve heard of stuff you’ve written, but not you. WHAT…
- 10/24 - A Time to Remember (by Bob Senitram)When I checked my email I found no one asked any questions, so I’m flyin’ solo today. I watched “Click” or “Remote” or whatever the name of that Adam Sandler…
- 10/16 - Too Tectonical for my blood (by Bob Senitram)Adam from Notts England writes:bob i married a lovely lookin lady 17 yrs ago but she as taken on the apperance of a spider monkey now should i live we…
- 10/10 - It’s in the tea! (by Bob Senitram)Due to web mail from our Nebraska fans I have to stress that last week I stated that it seems to me that Ricketts (running for Senate in Ne) is…
- 08/29 - Dear Bobby, (by Bob Senitram)NOTE FROM THE EDITOR:Usually Bob answers the mysteries of the world and universe in his column but for some reason he’s gotten relationship questions, so that kind of makes him…
- 08/21 - Fun with testicles (by Bob Senitram)Rebecca writes:Dear Bob,I was wondering if you could help me out, my husband came home from work yesterday and said he only had one testicle hanging the other one had…
- 08/15 - The terror! (by Bob Senitram)Seznicki from Dearborn, MI writes:Dear Bob,What are the ramifications of the latest terrorist threat? Dearest Mr. Or Mrs. Seznicki, Recently I got together with an old friend and we smoked…
- 08/08 - MY F*CKING, PISSY, SHIT! (by Bob Senitram)I’m guilty of not keeping up with my own site and after reading Stephen’s and Bel’s last entries, I read a lot about f*cking, piss, and pooping. My, my, how…
- 07/26 - The Procrastinator (by Bob Senitram)I realized this Sunday that I am The Procrastinator. My skills for putting things off cannot be matched. Now if I have chores around the house, I’m ok with it…
- 07/06 - Excuses, excuses, excuses (by Bob Senitram)Song in my head:You see him hatin’,Trying to catch me ridin’ dirtay… Don’t know who sang that last one, but I hears it on the radio ever so often. For…
- 05/22 - Baby Gurl part Duex (by Bob Senitram)Well these weekly writings started as columns and ended up being blogs. So I’m gonna go ahead and make a quick post based on why I have nothing to write…
- 05/15 - BILLY JACK (by Bob Senitram)Back to that immigration thing. Some guy in San Bernandino has the solution! Make it illegal for illegals to have a place to live or vehicle. As a result illegal…
- 05/08 - The Girl with Kaleidoscope Eyes (by Bob Senitram)Well, looks like it’s time for baby-gurl number two! Not born yet, but it should be just a few days…down to the ticker, I’d say. Baby-gurl number one was ten…
- 05/01 - Pain Killers : Pain Makers (by Bob Senitram)After my second beer in 15 minutes, I can now comment in disgust about that dope fiend Rush Limbaugh. All he wants to do is get high, high, high in…
- 04/25 - Why I have no faith (by Bob Senitram)First I must apologize to St. Garion who has much more faith than I, and for that I salute him. I, however, have no faith. You, however, must have faith.…
- 04/18 - On Holiday (by Bob Senitram)Say old boy, it appears Bob Senitram has decided to take holiday this Easter. Please enjoy one of his millions and millions of archived blogs/columns/commentaries going back, like, six hundred…
- 04/10 - Immigration, beer drinking, and everything in-between (by Bob Senitram)Like everything, politicians have made the immigration thing a thousand times more complicated than it needs to be. Because I’m a nice guy, I’ll provide a simple model of how…
- 04/03 - The Vent (by Bob Senitram)By Brian PetreThis one’s worth telling… So, I’d had a long night out with a couple of coworkers that just happened to be at my local bar. It’s a great…
- 03/28 - THE OPRAH, DOUGLAS COUNTY CORRECTIONAL FIASCO – Part III (by Bob Senitram)It Takes A Thief, the next generation Dear Bob,I sent this letter to Oprah and hope to be appearing on her show soon! But just in case I’m not invited…
- 03/28 - THE OPRAH, DOUGLAS COUNTY CORRECTIONAL FIASCO Part II (by Bob Senitram)Part II : The experiment 03/19/2006 Dear Bob,I sent this letter to Oprah and hope to be appearing on her show soon! But just in case I’m not invited to…
- 02/27 - Save Save Save (by Bob Senitram)By Bob SenitramKevin from New Finland writes:Things have been a bit rough around here. I’m trying to save some money on just about everything. Got any tips? Kevin, balloons with…
- 02/13 - The Snake Lady Comes Not for you (by Bob Senitram)Song in my head:“Shake that Laffy-Taffy,that Laffy-Taffy…”– D4L – I have to admit it, I didn’t even know what that guy was talking about until someone explained it to me.…
- 02/13 - The Snake Lady Comes Not for you (by Bob Senitram)Song in my head:“Shake that Laffy-Taffy,that Laffy-Taffy…”– D4L – I have to admit it, I didn’t even know what that guy was talking about until someone explained it to me.…
- 02/06 - Two and Two (by Bob Senitram)by Bob Senitram Song in my head:“With a little luck,we can work it out…”– Paul McCartney and Wings – I wrote my name at 6pm tonight and finished the song…
- 01/05 - Laundry, DeLay and my sacred crapper… (by Bob Senitram)Looks like Congress is in for another Republican cleansing. The head honcho lobby guy is gonna have to testify or go to jail. I’m guessing he’ll spill the beans. Once…
- 12/19 - Felic Navidad… (by Bob Senitram)Courtney from Maine writes:“Isn’t this just like you to take a holy holiday and the jesus story and shit on it! You should be ashamed.” Courtney:I just call ‘em the…
- 12/11 - The Christmas Conspiracy Theory (by Bob Senitram)Since the holidays are coming, I studied up on this whole Jesus thing and here’s what I came up with. Jesus was baptized by John the Baptist, a wild-eyed man…
- 12/24 - Choosing a Religion (by Bob Senitram)For some unknown reason, I got a flood of “Ask Bob” questions the week before Christmas. All I can figure is, since folks acknowledge me as the “New Messiah for…
- 12/12 - Santa vs Jesus – who is the better bringer of Christmas? (by Bob Senitram)So now I got no more super hero gigs or super weight loss programs to sell…I got nuthin’ to do, which is a good thing ’cause the baby gurl got…
- 12/20 - I Answer Viewer Mail… (by Bob Senitram)For those who haven’t read every single “Ask Bob” article, a couple of years ago someone asked, “So what’s the real Bob like?” So I spent the last two years giving you…
- 12/19 - 12 days of rehab (by Bob Senitram)Frank Furter from Osage Beach:How come everytime I play basketball they keep scoring goals because the goalie isnt doing anything. He has 3 white balls, a carrot nose and nog…
- 08/20 - Buttered Bread and My Cat (by Saint Garion)Alan asks: If a cat lands on its feet, and buttered bread lands face down, what will happen if I tie a piece of buttered bread to the back of…
- 08/14 - He is Daid! (by Bob Senitram)Hey you crazy kids! First I would like to thank everyone who has sent in questions for this article we really appreciate your support! I gather Weirdcrap has become quite the…
- 08/07 - Making Time Stand Still (by Bob Senitram)Susan writes: Hi, I am a taurus! If you have a humidifier and a dehumidifier running in the same room, will time stand still? A: . You would think so, since humidifers are…
- 07/31 - I Wanna Live Forever… (by Bob Senitram)Q: . I wanna live forever. . How? A: . There’s a bunch of theories about living forever. Ponce DeLeon looked for a creek with magic water. Maybe he would have found it if he used…
- 07/31 - How To Live…FOREVER! (by Bob Senitram)Jim-Jim asks: I wanna live forever.. . BUT HOW? A: There’s a bunch of theories about living forever. Ponce DeLeon looked for a creek with magic water. Maybe he would have found it…
- 07/24 - Its Not A Popularity Contest! (by Bob Senitram)Johnny Vincent from El Cerrito, CA, asks . “Hey Bob, how can I become as popular as You? A: . Interesting. Just the other day I was workin’ on my car “jammin'” to “Picking…
- 07/17 - I Anyone Dumber Than Bob? (by Bob Senitram)NYMETS (An alias) asks:My God. Is anyone as stupid as you? A: . Hmmm, Let me get right on that, with…thinking. I dunno. I’m sittin’ here with a notepad in front of…
- 07/10 - Darva Carvey? (by Bob Senitram)Mij Nosirrom, from “South Texas” Asks:“I’ve been a little out of touch lately, but now I have a computer and I’m learning a bunch of shit about the world that…
- 07/03 - Russian Spy Goats (by Bob Senitram)Teikei44, asks: “Why do the Russian Spy Goats always put out our fire, otherwise known as a traumazization???” A: . Good Question! Actually traumazization is not a misspelling of traumatization, it is a term…
- 05/29 - Bullum-Head? (by Bob Senitram)June Pulsifer asks: “What’s a bullum-head?” Dear June: Put simply, a bullum-head is a term used by any decent country folk to describe a person with an odd shaped, or…
- 05/22 - Pest Control (by Bob Senitram)Andy from Tallahassee FL, . Asks: Why in the hell do the pest control companies keep on making the rat poisons and cockroach killers better smelling? . Now to me, a poison should stink…
- 05/15 - Where Is My Rocket Pack! (by Robert Senitram)Pdelacoppa asks: . “It’s the year 2000, so where’s our Rocket Packs! . I thought we’d strap them to our backs. . .I expected to have a car with no tires, and a maid made out…
- 05/08 - Jeri Ryan Asks (by Bob Senitram)Jeri Ryan of Burbank, CA, asks: . Star Wars this, Star Wars that! People spend so much time thinking about Star Wars they loose track of the really important things (Like Star…
- 05/01 - Evolution (by Bob Senitram)Phil Barry (Chicago, IL) asks:” My Professor says ‘Yes.’ My Pastor says,’ No.’ My Mother says, ‘Get a job.’ Who am I to believe? Is evolution real or not? Did…
- 04/23 - Elian (by Bob Senitram)Q: Yo Bob, what’s your take on this Elian thing? A: It’s always something… I think it is wonderful that the United States was able to rescue a small boy from…
- 04/20 - What Is This? (by Bob Senitram)Q: What’s with this Weirdcrap? Where did you get the name and why do you bother? A: Good question, I can best answer your question with a song… But I…
- 04/16 - He-Man (by Bob Senitram)Q: Is He-Man Real?A: That is a very silly question! Of course He-Man is real. Do you really think the human mind could have dreamed up all those fantastic adventures? Oh,…
- 04/09 - Selling Fur (by Bob Senitram)Little Jimmy Baker writes:I am considering selling the fur from my duck-billed platypus because it seems to be the vogue thing to do and, quite frankly, I need the money.…
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