Olives and….the Prius?

Lunatic Ravings!
by Stephen Johnson

Asia—XXX

MoTW—Martyrs

I was going to write about olives this week, but then I read Bob’s

latest and it got me to wondering…..

Anyway, back to the olives. I asked the woman to pick me up some olives

from Costco since they have a good deal on two jars, much cheaper than

from a regular store.

Yet, instead of following my directions, she went to the local Krogers

and picked me up a jar of store brand olives. This did displease me, but

I tried not to show it by not speaking to her for a week.

Surprisingly, the store brand olives aren’t bad at all. It’s not like

it’s store brand mac & cheese. I mean, how can you fuck up olives? You

can’t.

The really funny thing is about Bob and his attempt to buy a car a few

years ago. Hell, I KNEW he was going to be turned down even though the

dealership claimed in its ad that absolutely nobody would be.

I gave the guy hope. That morning he woke up feeling really good about

himself and life. He went to that dealership wearing his finest duds. He

spoke as well as he cold. He didn’t misspell anything on the

application. He wrote everything in his finest penmanship.

But when the time came for the dealership to check on his past and

present finances, boy oh boy, they must have laughed their asses off.

Did they really think that they would trust someone who took phone

orders for the Time-Life series Sounds Of The 70’s?

C’mon!

I wish we had cellphones back then. The look on his face when they told

him, when trying to hold their laughter, that there was no way they

would or could trust him enough to finance that $1000.00 Datsun (to be

payed off in 60 months) was priceless. To this day it would most

definitely still be the most watched video on YouTube.

Yep, it made me smile and laugh. I went home that night knowing that

what started off as a grand and glorious day for him turned out to be

just another stinking outhouse of a day. What glee!

Now he has a Prius. You know, the car that can’t hit 50. The car that

causes every traffic jam. Yet he’s “helping the environment”, or so he

thinks.

See, by causing all these traffic jams he’s just making pollution worse

because of all the normal folks (like me) that drive smog-belching,

gas-guzzling behemoths that have to sit in traffic wasting gas and

smogging up the ole environment.

Thanks, Bob. You’re such a dick!

COMING NEXT: I review that video, and then it’s that time of the year

again….

Stephen Johnson

The idea of building a website with Bob came from Stephen in the days of message boards and chat rooms. We settled on the name TheWeirdcrap.com and the rest is history. Retired since he hit the ripe age of 25, he spends most his time doing odd-jobs around the house and digging thru trash bins for "stuff that's still good." Stephen has contributed several short stories and hosted the "Lunatic Ravings" column since the beggining. The idea of writing weekly columns (blogs didn't exist yet) also came from Stephen. So I guess that makes him the creator of the "blog" phenomena.

https://theweirdcrap.com

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