Chicks in Prison!

Back in the old days I loved Chicks in Prison movies. When I was happily married and without the burden of an “alien baby”, Ralph and I would go the local grocery store and rent out a few .99 movies every Tuesday.

A majority of the movies were those “chicks in prison flicks”, and while Ralph found them highly erotic, I found them stupid and very fake, but the nudity was nice.

Now, I have found that those movies were all based in fact!! Most of my fellow inmates are only interested in having some sort of sex with me and while I am thrilled at all the attention, I also find myself a little bit turned off. Weird!!

In those prison movies, the warden is usually some sex starved, manly looking woman who gets her rocks off on watching the inmates naked are being beaten up by her staff while she’s off attending to “business”. This is also true since I have seen it happen quite a few times!!

See, I found through my sources that it was the warden who spiked my douche!! A person who is in the know told me that the warden had sent me a fan email some time ago and I had never responded so she wanted to get back at me. And she sure did when she put the hot sauce in my douche!!!

I decided to apologize to the warden and an appointment was made. The night before I had thought about what I would say and come morning time, I had it memorized perfectly!! This would get me on the good side of the warden and I would be able to douche to my heart’s content!!

When I was brought to the waiting room outside the warden’s office, I was forced to strip so I could be thoroughly searched. When the search was done I was ordered to keep my clothes off, but that was okay since I had seen the same thing plenty of times on those prison movies.

When I was called to the warden’s office, imagine my surprise when I found that the warden wasn’t a woman but was JEROME!!!!

See ya!!

NEXT WEEK: Is this going to end?—the editor

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Melissa Paternik

Melissa started writing columns back in 2000 when we first got going. She continued for several years and then retired her column. Other writers contributed to Chick Shit after she left. The archived columns are being added one by one and will appear from time to time.

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