by Stephen Johnson
Yes, yes, yes. I know.
Luckily for you it’s THAT week, THAT week where you finally get to read
the interview. The interview you’ve all been waiting for.
So without any further whatever-that-word-is, here it is in all it’s
uncut, unexpurgated glory!
Me: Hello Bob.
Bob: Hello Stephen.
M: New glasses?
B: Why yes. Yes they are.
Will get back to this in a minute or two, but this is kinda weird
because I went to get myself new glasses as well!
I’ve had to wait a long, long time to get new classes due to the absence
of insurance. Sitting in front of a computer all day long surfing porn
can and does make an impact on the ole eyeballs.
Luckily, due to a fortuitous hit-and-run, I managed to snag myself an
insurance card. Also luckily the hitee (ok, “victim”) was in a coma so
he wasn’t able to say shit about what I was going to do.
Down to the local eyewear salon I went with my new insurance card and
got myself an eye exam. They commended me on my healthy eyes to which I
explained that I daily brushed my eyeballs to give them that lifelike
appearance which the chicks adore.
They were a bit taken aback when I explained the brushing part, but
didn’t have an answer when I told them that my poppa always told me that
the only thing you should never, ever, ever stick in your eye was your
elbow. They had no answer for that! Idiots!
Next was getting frames and the first thing that was shown to me was a
pair of titanium frames. Only $300! Seriously??!! I just need them for
porn for gosh sakes!
They showed me a couple other frames, but I kept on going back to those
titanium frames. I mean, you should LOOK good while surfing for porn,
right? Plus there was the one thing I kept forgetting: Insurance!
So the titanium frames were picked. Next were the extras. You know,
scratch resistance, anti-glare and, of course, transition lenses. Oh,
and they could also file down the edges of the lenses so they weren’t
sharp! Whatever they offered, I took.
They salon called yesterday and told me they were in. Now I don’t feel
like picking them up and I don’t know why! Weird. Really weird.
So there you go. I have a brand new pair of titanium-framed glassed
waiting for me.
And that’s my story about new glasses.
COMING NEXT: Oh, crap. Got sidetracked.