War on Christmas?

God: “Hey Saint Garion, what the fuck is all this war on Christmas shit about? People down there are just going on and on about this Christmas thing…”

Saint Garion: “Well it is this ‘holy’ day that the folks down here just sort of passed into law that is supposed to be in remembrance of the Lord Jesus Christ’s birthday. Instead what you have is an orgy of greed which culminates into orgasm on ‘Christ’-mas day.”

God:”And the war…”

Saint Garion: “The supposed war is being raged against the ‘persecuted’ majority of hostile Americans by a smaller group of Americans that feel that ‘we the people’ should be sensitive to the feelings of others and allow for some cultural diversity.”

God (feeling confused): “Pardon?”

Saint Garion: “Having learned nothing, and I mean nothing, from Christ these people have said that a war is being raged against their tradition, so that they can feel justified in being insensitive and disrespectful.”

Saint Garion: “The Lord is pretty pissed about the entire thing. What was it that he said? Hey Jesus! Tell you’re dad what you told me earlier, that was pretty fucked up.”

And the Lord who is a puppy looked unto heaven, “I don’t mind the holiday but these people always missed the fucking point, just like the temple. I wasn’t angry ‘cause they were exchanging currency, those people just didn’t like the Roman coin… and I can respect tradition, but those fuckers made selling the focus of the temple – and that is what pissed me off – and that is what has happened to Christmas – and that is what pisses me off.”

The Lord paused to breath, then continued, “Now instead of celebrating my birth or remembering my life these ‘christians’ use me as an excuse to buy things and hate other people, who in many ways have become more like me than they themselves are…”

And the Lord said unto his father, “I say you turn me into a fucking Lion on Christmas day and we kill every last person on this planet. Just to see the look on these fuckers faces when I can’t remember the names of all of these fucking hate mongers.”

The puppy who is the Lord smiled intelligently at Saint Garion.

Saint Garion: “Um… Please don’t end the world?”

Saint Garion

Bel Garion, who also goes by the name Saint Garion started writing columns in our early years and continued to 2006. He often refers to "The Lord" and "Buddah" which are the names of his dogs which speak to him on a regular basis.

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