by Stephen Johnson
We received an invitation to an “End Of Summer” party a few weeks ago from the folks that live behind us. Considering that the end of summer is around the end of September and they had their party scheduled for 9/1, I found this to be incredibly stupid.
The woman asked me if I wanted to go since she believed that would be a great way to get me out of the house and meet new people (yeah, like they’d become my Facebook friend). Besides, even though they had put up a temporary fence a couple years ago so our leaves wouldn’t blow into their yard, she felt they were nice people because she had talked to them recently. Along with the end of summer stupidity, I found her idea to be incredibly stupid as well.
Instead, I wanted to go to the corporate offices to get some much-needed questions answered so I did exactly that. Even though I can’t say exactly where these corporate offices are, I can say that they’re a long way from Michigan. Don’t know why I mentioned that, but I did.
Long story short, when I got to corporate, nobody was there since it was a Sunday so I left them a note taped to the massive front door. Hopefully soon I will get my answers, probably from some below minimum wage earner that works in the mail room or custodial services. Hell, it could even be from the long-lost Jerome for all I know.
The day I got back home was the same day as the “End Of Summer” party. The woman asked me if I wanted to go but I told that wouldn’t happen because I was so fucking tired. That was a lie since I was wired on all sorts of drugs, but she didn’t know that. I told her I wanted complete quiet so she left the house to do some shopping at some local thrift stores (where do you think I get my clothes?) which gave me the chance to sit on the back porch and stare at the party people having their fun.
Unlike many years ago when we DIDN’T get an invitation to join a block party which was being held on our street in front of our house, acting really sad and sighing a lot didn’t make any of the party people feel sad and extend me a verbal invitation. They just went on with their fun, completely ignoring me.
After a few hours of staring and sighing, I got bored with the whole thing and went down to the basement and worked on my taxidermy stuff.
Holy shit. My life sucks.
Wait….forgot to mention that I now have EIGHT Facebook friends!
COMING NEXT: I need to get out or something