Chris Caffery—House Of Insanity
MoTW—The Slammin' Salmon
So it's Thursday and I don't have much going on since it's raining
outside. I was going to watch someone cut my grass, but they refused
because of that rain shit so I decided to fart around and write
something, just to get it out of the way so I could have the weekend
free to do whatever.
What's kind of cool is I had this huge growth on my back. No matter what
I did, I couldn't reach it so I waited till the woman came home from
work and had her lance that puppy. She put up quite the fight at first,
but I told her that it would be beneficial to her if she took some time
out of her "busy" schedule and popped the fucker.
She did and pus and blood sprayed out, all over her face which was quite
funny if you can picture it. Take a moment and do so……guaranteed
laughs!
The best thing was that not only blood and puss sprayed out, but also
baby spiders! Thousands of them! The ones that didn't shoot out
skittered all over my body, some even into the crack of my ass! AND IT
FELT GOOD!
The woman felt that I needed to get to a doctor, stat, but I convinced
her that blood, pus and spiders were quite normal, since I spend most of
my waking hours in the basement which is a breeding ground of blood, pus
and spiders. She finally accepted this unknown fact and, at my urging,
rubbed peanut butter over the open wound to A) stop the drippage and, B)
feed the spiders. Also, in case I get hungry and don't feel like taking
a trip to the kitchen, I got me some food!
Now I can move a little bit better so that means I can whip out my
trusty list and get ready for ROAD TRIP 2010!!! I've been called weird
for packing a week advance, but what the fuck. That way I can make sure
I don't forget anything. That's how I roll.
Like last year, we're heading back to my hometown in Jersey. 10 hours on
the road, rest stops, etc., etc. What's weird is that I wasn't into
taking a trip this year until a few days ago. Now I'm pumped. I'm
finally coming home. Again.
To spice things up, we're going to TRY and leave a a different time than
we normally do. I was thinking about leaving sometime Saturday instead
of early Sunday morning. But, I have a few misgivings about that, like
running into the Saturday drunks, getting caught in Saturday traffic and
so o and so forth.
Leaving early Sunday morning you don't have much to contend with so I'm
going to have to put on my thinking cap and figure out what to do.
Should be easy because I always have a plan or can come up with one
pretty damn quick.
And then in a couple weeks I'll bore you all with the trip happenings,
maybe there'll be another death or some jail time. Could be a four day
drunk-fest, I just don't know. Maybe I'll change my mind and not go
anywhere, but then the woman won't pop shit on my back anymore, so I
guess I'm locked in.
OK, that's all I have for now, take care, peace out, enjoy life, see you
on the road, have fun, sweet dreams and all that jazz.
COMING NEXT: Quite possibly what happened on Road Trip 2010!
