Nothing Better To Do So I “Wrote” This

Chris Caffery—House Of Insanity

MoTW—The Slammin' Salmon

So it's Thursday and I don't have much going on since it's raining
outside. I was going to watch someone cut my grass, but they refused
because of that rain shit so I decided to fart around and write
something, just to get it out of the way so I could have the weekend
free to do whatever.

What's kind of cool is I had this huge growth on my back. No matter what
I did, I couldn't reach it so I waited till the woman came home from
work and had her lance that puppy. She put up quite the fight at first,
but I told her that it would be beneficial to her if she took some time
out of her "busy" schedule and popped the fucker.

She did and pus and blood sprayed out, all over her face which was quite
funny if you can picture it. Take a moment and do so……guaranteed
laughs!

The best thing was that not only blood and puss sprayed out, but also
baby spiders! Thousands of them! The ones that didn't shoot out
skittered all over my body, some even into the crack of my ass! AND IT
FELT GOOD!

The woman felt that I needed to get to a doctor, stat, but I convinced
her that blood, pus and spiders were quite normal, since I spend most of
my waking hours in the basement which is a breeding ground of blood, pus
and spiders. She finally accepted this unknown fact and, at my urging,
rubbed peanut butter over the open wound to A) stop the drippage and, B)
feed the spiders. Also, in case I get hungry and don't feel like taking
a trip to the kitchen, I got me some food!

Now I can move a little bit better so that means I can whip out my
trusty list and get ready for ROAD TRIP 2010!!! I've been called weird
for packing a week advance, but what the fuck. That way I can make sure
I don't forget anything. That's how I roll.

Like last year, we're heading back to my hometown in Jersey. 10 hours on
the road, rest stops, etc., etc. What's weird is that I wasn't into
taking a trip this year until a few days ago. Now I'm pumped. I'm
finally coming home. Again.

To spice things up, we're going to TRY and leave a a different time than
we normally do. I was thinking about leaving sometime Saturday instead
of early Sunday morning. But, I have a few misgivings about that, like
running into the Saturday drunks, getting caught in Saturday traffic and
so o and so forth.

Leaving early Sunday morning you don't have much to contend with so I'm
going to have to put on my thinking cap and figure out what to do.
Should be easy because I always have a plan or can come up with one
pretty damn quick.

And then in a couple weeks I'll bore you all with the trip happenings,
maybe there'll be another death or some jail time. Could be a four day
drunk-fest, I just don't know. Maybe I'll change my mind and not go
anywhere, but then the woman won't pop shit on my back anymore, so I
guess I'm locked in.

OK, that's all I have for now, take care, peace out, enjoy life, see you
on the road, have fun, sweet dreams and all that jazz.

COMING NEXT: Quite possibly what happened on Road Trip 2010!

Stephen Johnson

The idea of building a website with Bob came from Stephen in the days of message boards and chat rooms. We settled on the name TheWeirdcrap.com and the rest is history. Retired since he hit the ripe age of 25, he spends most his time doing odd-jobs around the house and digging thru trash bins for "stuff that's still good." Stephen has contributed several short stories and hosted the "Lunatic Ravings" column since the beggining. The idea of writing weekly columns (blogs didn't exist yet) also came from Stephen. So I guess that makes him the creator of the "blog" phenomena.

https://theweirdcrap.com

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