I Prepare For The Apocalypse?

Lunatic Ravings!
by Stephen Johnson

Devin Townsend Project—Epicloud

MoTW—The Cabin In The Woods

You know it’s getting close to the end of the world, right? It’s just a couple months away…..

Yeah, I forgot about it too. Thankfully I had a wakeup call when I noticed that “they” had done something to the railroad tracks in our little town. You know how they cut thru streets? Well no longer. The tracks running thru the streets here have been paved over.

What this has to do with the coming Apocalypse, I have no idea. But when I saw what “they” had done, I immediately went to the local grocery store to stock up on items. I figured that everyone else had seen what I had seen and the store would be packed with people fighting over that last box of Pop Tarts.

Imagine my surprise when I didn’t see people fighting each other over mundane shit. No, the grocery store was filled with the normal people shopping, taking the time to read the nutritional facts on every thing they picked up. Just your typical assortment of grocery shoppers.

I had the urge to scream, “What are you doing? Judgement day is upon us and you’re buying PERISHABLES!” but my better sense took over. What was the point of announcing something that everyone should already know about? Why bother to remind them if they had just forgotten what’s right around the corner?

Instead, with my face a blank mask, I loaded up on non-perishable foodstuff and lots and lots of liquid refreshment. We’re talking about 33 carts full of stuff. Sure, people looked at me like I was psycho, but I just muttered something about having to feed a school of blind kids and they seemed to accept it, at least if they heard what I was muttering.

Good thing there was a U-Haul establishment next to the store, otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to take my goods home in one trip. Soon I had the pantry stocked up and the rest I put in various closets, getting rid of things like clothes and women’s shoes plus whatever else I figured wouldn’t be needed when the world ends.

When the woman got home and I explained what the paved over train tracks meant and what I did, she called me an idiot. See, I forgot that the world would COMPLETELY END, so I had wasted thousands of dollars on food and drink that I’ll never be able to completely consume. Stupid me.

Now I’m hoping that the Mayans and “them” got it wrong and most folks will be wiped away by a solar flare or something. Then I can use my mass quantities of food and drink to trade for stuff like drugs and gas.

COMING NEXT: You can buy corn?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.