By Garion Bel
Everyone is at least a little odd nowadays, take Bob and I for example, but recently my girlfriend has run into some folks at the coffee shop that are really, really, fucked in the head. The first is a man thing that took to constantly walking back and forth across the front of her store, careening his head around the whole time to, well, look at her and freak her the-fuck out. She calls me at work to tell me this fucker has been over there staring her down (off and on) for six fucking hours.
AS IF this wasn’t enough another bizarre fuck shows up. This time a woman has approached her to say, “I think you know him.” “I know he knows you.” My girlfriend then believes that she is talking about the fucker that has been looking at her, so she politely inquires, “What?” the fuck?
Is she talking about that strange fuck in the mall? The woman elaborates, “I’m talking about Jesus. You should read John 4…” A large sense of relief washes over my girlfriend, “Oh you mean Jesus, yea he lives in my dog. My boyfriend is a saint, now if you’ll excuse me…”
I went down to the mall, to check out the stalker and maybe engage in a little Christ like discourse with him. But just like all the fucking squirrels hide when you finally take out the BB gun, the stalker was nowhere to be found. And I looked everywhere, in the fountain, in the plants, in the maintenance halls, checked the trees real close, even the garbage compactor, all with the help of a new friend. I met him outside the coffee shop looking in at the room full of distressed women. “Have you seen a creepy intimidating guy around harassing the women in the coffee shop?” He looked at me and smiled, so we must be friends, “Maybe you could help me find the fucker?”